Is this too awkward — vacationing with my BIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my BIL after my husband passed away. He was my husband's brother and working in this area. He used to spend a lot of time with us and had a really good relationship with both of our kids. He used to come to me with relationship advice and i Used to treat him like a brother.

He helped me a lot in the immediate aftermath of my husband's death and we spent a lot of time together. Then when we took a beach vacation, we got involved. I never thought of him that way until we went on vacation together. Something about being on vacation.

We have been married for 6 years now.

My advice, stay away!

If you're happy, what's the problem?

In my case it turned out to be a good decision.

I am saying it might become a problem for OP if she goes through.

[Anonymous]

Will you guys stop telling OP to send her kids without her? That is not an option unless BIL invites her to do that. Stop assuming that’s ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.

As noted up thread. You've already slept with him. Are you familiar with the old adage
" Never buy your meat and potatoes at the same store!". You are a fool to even consider this offer.

Are you sure that’s an old adage? Of course most people buy their meat and potatoes at the same store, so I don’t think it has quite the kick that is intended. Don’t sh*t where you sleep makes a lot more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

Oh I'm sorry, are we living in Jane Austen times?

I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves???

Unbelievable. This is like all the pearl-clutching biddies saying bikinis are inappropriate at the community pool. I swear there's a contingent of repressed social conservative women on this site who sexualize every single interaction they have with a male. It's so unhealthy.

OP, only you can decide. It depends on the people involved, and only you know them, not us. I wouldn't think twice about vacationing with any of my BILs, who are lovely, decent people, and my husband, who has a diagnosed mental disorder, wouldn't mind at all. Mental disorder does not equal murderous jealousy!

Dear goodness. Some people are so ignorant and backward.

I don't know PP. From guy's perspective, i'd love to bang my SIL.

You can think about it, but not go through with it, and have a lifelong friendly interaction with her. I'm sure my BILs are like you, but they would never, ever, put it into action. Thoughts are different than actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will you guys stop telling OP to send her kids without her? That is not an option unless BIL invites her to do that. Stop assuming that’s ok!

OP here, I really don't understand that suggestion. My youngest is 13, still very much a kid. BIL and SIL's kids are in their 20's. Adding kids to someone's otherwise adult only vacation is a lot to ask. There is no way I would be comfortable with making that request.

According to DCUM: You're a terrible person if you bring a nursing infant to a birthday party for a toddler.

Also DCUM: You should send your children uninvited on other family's vacations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

Oh I'm sorry, are we living in Jane Austen times?

I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves???

Unbelievable. This is like all the pearl-clutching biddies saying bikinis are inappropriate at the community pool. I swear there's a contingent of repressed social conservative women on this site who sexualize every single interaction they have with a male. It's so unhealthy.

OP, only you can decide. It depends on the people involved, and only you know them, not us. I wouldn't think twice about vacationing with any of my BILs, who are lovely, decent people, and my husband, who has a diagnosed mental disorder, wouldn't mind at all. Mental disorder does not equal murderous jealousy!

Dear goodness. Some people are so ignorant and backward.

I don't know PP. From guy's perspective, i'd love to bang my SIL.

OP here,

I'm confident he doesn't. He's happily married with a wonderful wife.

But, even if he did, it wouldn't matter because he's a decent guy and he'd accept my no, and I would never do that.

There will be no banging.

[Anonymous]

You sound too emeshed with your soon to be ex in laws. I get that they are supportive and are involved in your kids' lives but you really need to go on your own adult vacations. I would not go - not for how it looks - but for what it is - you leeching off them for a free vacay because they're related to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married my BIL after my husband passed away. He was my husband's brother and working in this area. He used to spend a lot of time with us and had a really good relationship with both of our kids. He used to come to me with relationship advice and i Used to treat him like a brother.

He helped me a lot in the immediate aftermath of my husband's death and we spent a lot of time together. Then when we took a beach vacation, we got involved. I never thought of him that way until we went on vacation together. Something about being on vacation.

We have been married for 6 years now.

My advice, stay away!

Hunter Biden did that too.

While having a baby with another woman.

[Anonymous]

I'd say it's ok but maybe take your own car (your kids can still ride with BIL if everyone wants that.) This will give a degree of separation and allow you to bail if things go sideways.

Only you know all the players and how everyone will react though.

[Anonymous]

Huh I can think of at least one time where my DH missed part of a trip because he was sick and I spent a fair amount of time with my BIL. I guess I can’t picture a whole trip without our spouses but if you think it would be fun for your kids why not. I guess I don’t know where you are in your relationship if you are making dole decisions for yourself and your kids. Typically I’d talk to my DH about this and he’d be fine. I think if for various reasons he just doesn’t get a say any more you make your best decision during your custody hours or whatever. Otherwise you should talk to him and if he says no I think that’s it. Hard to say without really knowing more.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s cousin did what you are proposing. Needless to say two divorces was the result.

[Anonymous]

As you mentioned, his kids are adults. So it's a group of related adults (and your teenagers) sharing a rental house. That seems okay to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

Oh I'm sorry, are we living in Jane Austen times?

I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves???

Unbelievable. This is like all the pearl-clutching biddies saying bikinis are inappropriate at the community pool. I swear there's a contingent of repressed social conservative women on this site who sexualize every single interaction they have with a male. It's so unhealthy.

OP, only you can decide. It depends on the people involved, and only you know them, not us. I wouldn't think twice about vacationing with any of my BILs, who are lovely, decent people, and my husband, who has a diagnosed mental disorder, wouldn't mind at all. Mental disorder does not equal murderous jealousy!

Dear goodness. Some people are so ignorant and backward.

I don't know PP. From guy's perspective, i'd love to bang my SIL.

OP here,

I'm confident he doesn't. He's happily married with a wonderful wife.

But, even if he did, it wouldn't matter because he's a decent guy and he'd accept my no, and I would never do that.

There will be no banging.

It’s ridiculous. Just go and have a great time!

[Anonymous]

The fact that your BIL's kids are adults in their 20's changes things a bit for me. I might consider going if you're SURE your SIL is okay with it and I would drive separately.

However, being separated from a spouse with several mental illness would give me pause. How do you think he would react if he found out about the vacation? Is he violent?

[Anonymous]

OP has young teen children and is losing her husband. She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario. It is easy to justify. Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly. When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault. Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.