Is this too awkward — vacationing with my BIL

[Anonymous]

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

[Anonymous]

If SIL was OK with it, I would go. It seems like it would be a great thing for DC.

[Anonymous]

OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Under circumstances you describe, I would go because it’s in the best interests of my DC.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine. But my spouse and I aren’t weird about stuff like this.

[Anonymous]

Without your SIL there? No, no, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.

You aren't available but the kids eouy love to go. Done.

But your goal seems to be causing drama so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

My husband has pretty significant mental illness and his contact with the kids is limited due to it.

Limited/not being able to see them = potato/🥔
That's what you took from my entire post?
Not how triggered your "husband" will be?

I'm sorry... now he's your "husband"? 🧐

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

My husband has pretty significant mental illness and his contact with the kids is limited due to it.

Limited/not being able to see them = potato/🥔
That's what you took from my entire post?
Not how triggered your "husband" will be?

I'm sorry... now he's your "husband"? 🧐

Limited does not mean "is not allowed to". Those are two totally different things. I'm not sure why you say "now he's your husband". You quoted me calling him "my husband" in the initial post. I've referred to him that way throughout, because that's what he is.

[Anonymous]

this sounds like it's not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

My husband has pretty significant mental illness and his contact with the kids is limited due to it.

Limited/not being able to see them = potato/🥔
That's what you took from my entire post?
Not how triggered your "husband" will be?

I'm sorry... now he's your "husband"? 🧐

Limited does not mean "is not allowed to". Those are two totally different things. I'm not sure why you say "now he's your husband". You quoted me calling him "my husband" in the initial post. I've referred to him that way throughout, because that's what he is.

Send your teenage boys by themselves and take the time for yourself to think about whether you are separating or not. You seem indecisive about your DH, husband, STBX status.

[Anonymous]

I say yes. They are family, they are always going to be your kids’ family even after your divorce is finalized. Your almost ex-dh being jealous and triggered is unfortunate but you can’t make decisions geared toward preventing that as highest priority. There is nothing wrong with accepting his kind offer especially since other family members are on board. It’s prioritizing your kids.

[Anonymous]

I would do it. But I am the straightest arrow in my entire family. My BIL will not even think of trying anything funny.

No one would suspect anything ( well, your DH is mentally ill, so it's not like his thoughts are logical).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

My husband has pretty significant mental illness and his contact with the kids is limited due to it.

Limited/not being able to see them = potato/🥔
That's what you took from my entire post?
Not how triggered your "husband" will be?

I'm sorry... now he's your "husband"? 🧐

Limited does not mean "is not allowed to". Those are two totally different things. I'm not sure why you say "now he's your husband". You quoted me calling him "my husband" in the initial post. I've referred to him that way throughout, because that's what he is.

Send your teenage boys by themselves and take the time for yourself to think about whether you are separating or not. You seem indecisive about your DH, husband, STBX status.

I have never referred to him as my STBX.