Is this too awkward — vacationing with my BIL

[Anonymous]

I married my BIL after my husband passed away. He was my husband's brother and working in this area. He used to spend a lot of time with us and had a really good relationship with both of our kids. He used to come to me with relationship advice and i Used to treat him like a brother.

He helped me a lot in the immediate aftermath of my husband's death and we spent a lot of time together. Then when we took a beach vacation, we got involved. I never thought of him that way until we went on vacation together. Something about being on vacation.

We have been married for 6 years now.

My advice, stay away!

[Anonymous]

I'd send my kids and not myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my BIL after my husband passed away. He was my husband's brother and working in this area. He used to spend a lot of time with us and had a really good relationship with both of our kids. He used to come to me with relationship advice and i Used to treat him like a brother.

He helped me a lot in the immediate aftermath of my husband's death and we spent a lot of time together. Then when we took a beach vacation, we got involved. I never thought of him that way until we went on vacation together. Something about being on vacation.

We have been married for 6 years now.

My advice, stay away!

Hunter Biden did that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So wait.. let me get this straight

1. You're not yet divorced.
2. Your STBX has MAJOR mental heath issues (so severe that he's not allowed to see his children).
3. Your STBX is very jealous.
4. and you want to go on vacation with your STBX's sisters husband?

Have you lost your mind?!?
Do you have any idea how badly this will trigger your ex??
You're not divorced yet, so he still has PLENTY of time to make your life a living hell in court by tying up or contesting your divorce proceedings for-e-ver.

If there wasn't all kinds of gossip about you prior to this by your ex's family, there will be after this trip... it won't be about your ex's mental illnesses anymore, it will be all about you (no matter how innocent this is).

Use better judgment - send the kids, and you stay home.

I am not sure where you got that my husband wasn’t allowed to see the kids.

My husband has pretty significant mental illness and his contact with the kids is limited due to it.

Limited/not being able to see them = potato/🥔
That's what you took from my entire post?
Not how triggered your "husband" will be?

I'm sorry... now he's your "husband"? 🧐

Limited does not mean "is not allowed to". Those are two totally different things. I'm not sure why you say "now he's your husband". You quoted me calling him "my husband" in the initial post. I've referred to him that way throughout, because that's what he is.

Send your teenage boys by themselves and take the time for yourself to think about whether you are separating or not. You seem indecisive about your DH, husband, STBX status.

I have never referred to him as my STBX.

You said separated, not yet divorced. If that isn't STBX, what is it?

Basically, you seem confused about what you want to do with your spouse. So send the teenage boys on their own and take some time to think about it.

I have the impression you want to go, and you're looking for support for that. IMO it's a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

You've already banged him, haven't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.

As noted up thread. You've already slept with him. Are you familiar with the old adage
" Never buy your meat and potatoes at the same store!". You are a fool to even consider this offer.

[Anonymous]

You should decline and give the reasons you've provided in the OP. Ask to take your kids or invite another adult on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

This. I'd send the kids, especially if they are all teens. Give them plenty of spending money and tell them to pay for dinner one night for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my BIL after my husband passed away. He was my husband's brother and working in this area. He used to spend a lot of time with us and had a really good relationship with both of our kids. He used to come to me with relationship advice and i Used to treat him like a brother.

He helped me a lot in the immediate aftermath of my husband's death and we spent a lot of time together. Then when we took a beach vacation, we got involved. I never thought of him that way until we went on vacation together. Something about being on vacation.

We have been married for 6 years now.

My advice, stay away!

If you're happy, what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

Oh I'm sorry, are we living in Jane Austen times?

I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves???

Unbelievable. This is like all the pearl-clutching biddies saying bikinis are inappropriate at the community pool. I swear there's a contingent of repressed social conservative women on this site who sexualize every single interaction they have with a male. It's so unhealthy.

OP, only you can decide. It depends on the people involved, and only you know them, not us. I wouldn't think twice about vacationing with any of my BILs, who are lovely, decent people, and my husband, who has a diagnosed mental disorder, wouldn't mind at all. Mental disorder does not equal murderous jealousy!

Dear goodness. Some people are so ignorant and backward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here,

My SIL is fine with it. In Laws are fine. His other sister will be jealous that my kids got a free vacation but hers didn’t.

BIL hasn’t invited the kids without me.

Still thinking about it.

As noted up thread. You've already slept with him. Are you familiar with the old adage
" Never buy your meat and potatoes at the same store!". You are a fool to even consider this offer.

I’ve slept with who?

I certainly haven’t slept with my Brother in Law!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've already banged him, haven't you?

Of course not.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, the only person whose opinion you should be concerned about is your SIL. If you can satisfy yourself that she is really, truly fine with it, then go if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kids and you stay home. There may be nothing between you and BIL but avoid creating a hint of impropriety.

Oh I'm sorry, are we living in Jane Austen times?

I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves???

Unbelievable. This is like all the pearl-clutching biddies saying bikinis are inappropriate at the community pool. I swear there's a contingent of repressed social conservative women on this site who sexualize every single interaction they have with a male. It's so unhealthy.

OP, only you can decide. It depends on the people involved, and only you know them, not us. I wouldn't think twice about vacationing with any of my BILs, who are lovely, decent people, and my husband, who has a diagnosed mental disorder, wouldn't mind at all. Mental disorder does not equal murderous jealousy!

Dear goodness. Some people are so ignorant and backward.

I don't know PP. From guy's perspective, i'd love to bang my SIL.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a great respite from the stress you all have been under. If SIL is fine with it, go! Life is short and make happy memories with your kids.