Reply to Is this too awkward — vacationing with my BIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP has young teen children and is losing her husband.  She will strongly driven to attempt mate poaching in this scenario.  It is easy to justify.  Bils kids are adults so divorce won't impact them as strongly.  When the inevitable happens op will claim it.just happened and they were like twin flames. She never saw.it coming. It's not her fault.  Besides she deserves to be happy. All the usual excuses.  [/quote]

The fact that your mind goes these is twisted.  But this dark fantasy has no relationship to my situation.

—OP[/quote]

So, if that is the last thing on your mind, what is so awkward about the situation, and why did you even make a post?  Go on your innocent family vacation and enjoy. [/quote]
Maybe because of what she said?…. her soon to be ex gets jealous and other family members weren’t invited.[/quote]

She didn't say he got jealous about this though.  She also claims it is totally innocent and he is mentally ill.  Why would you even consider a mentally ill person's paranoia about a.totally innocent trip, especially when the mentally ill.person hasn't actually.objected to it?

Obviously the idea is inappropriate aside from her husband's jealousy because both people are.without spouses under vacation circumstances, they know each other.well,.already have a.close.emotional connection, will be in close company, there.will.likely be alcohol available too...Exactly the kind of recipe where cheating is accident.wsiting.to.hapoen..All it takes is a.careless match to light that.flsme.  op knows.darn well it is.inapproproiate.regardless of.her.hisnsmds.jealousy.  the tip off is when she said.how.dare you think that.possible.  If op didn't think people might think that.she.wouldnt.hsve posted.

[/quote]

OP here,

He hasn't objected because none of us have brought it up to him.  He objects to things like me attending a parent teacher conference with a male teacher, or me talking to a male soccer coach alone on the sidelines of practice.  So, I think it's likely he would object to this.

I won't drink alcohol on this trip.  You can't "accidentally" cheat on your spouse, so I don't know what that's about.

I don't say "how dare you think that's possible" so I can't address that point.

[/quote]ok you did not say "how dare you" etc.  You said I have a dark and twisted mind for believing cheating was a possible inference on such a trip.  But that's the inference you are afraid others will draw, so how is it dark and twisted?  That's why you posted.  You believe it's an awkward situation because it is the sort of scenario where someone might infer cheating could occur and nothing you can say would be able to prove otherwise since the opportunities would be constantly present.  It's not just your husband's jealousy.  If the jealousy is irrational like at a teachers conference other same people will discount it.  That is not what makes.it.awkward.

Stating you will not drink alcohol simply admits that there is a real risk and temptation for you on this trip.You are emotionally attached to him.  He is bonded with your children too.  You know that if you drink, your inhibitions will be lowered.  If somewhere inside you had no interest in having sex with him, or he with you, you would not need to abstain from alcohol.

Perhaps the biggest danger is that you are simultaneously in complete denial that what is obviously a possibility, is a possibility.    You are setting things up exactly so that it will be possible for sex to happen but so that you can also claim that you had no idea it could ever happen. That's exactly what people with poor boundaries do when they want to set things up to cheat, yet not be responsible for it.

Your bil would not have invited you and the kids along unless he thought there was atleast a possibility of banging you.  As you said there are other brothers and sisters that didn't get an invite which makes it all the more awkward.

Like many people who end up cheating, you're supplying the firewood and the fuel, as is your bil and all you need is the match

The only way you won't end up having sex with your bil if you do this, is if he.chickens out, or.possibly you get.cock.blocked  byhis kids or.yours.[/quote]

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