I am so sick of talking about sexuality, gender, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It makes me smile a little to see OP so tired of discussing tween/teen gender and sexuality … that they started (yet another) thread to talk about tween/teen gender & sexuality.

It's a grass roots build up to the backlash on all this gender stuff. It will be funny when Generation LGBTQabcde,etcetc has to parents the generation this f#ckery produces.

DCUM 2042. Be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is exhausting. I just had a FTM trans kid telling me to change the way I talked about Roe and "women" yesterday to say something like "people who can become pregnant." I really can't even deal with talking about women's rights being considered transphobic. Like, enough.

Kind of confirms the POV that trans are out to diminish women’s rights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

NP. How can we teach kids that they don't need to conform? I mean, I can say it till I'm blue in the face but to actually teach that skill... I have no idea how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

NP. How can we teach kids that they don't need to conform? I mean, I can say it till I'm blue in the face but to actually teach that skill... I have no idea how.

I am trying to do it by example plus acknowledging that it is indeed hard to not conform, that the pressure is real, and that yes I have been there too. I also tell stories, some of them not entirely factual but they are supposed to illustrate the point.
I have no idea how successful I am.
My parents were quite non conforming in many ways and I am a much more traditional person, but the older I get the more I value the message they sent me - it’s ok to not be like others. I had to figure out how different I wanted to be but the general message still stands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

So it can be focused on sex and drugs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reality check me, please... But, is this a primary topic among all middle schoolers?! It seems like my kid's friends are all beyond obsessed with it. One is gay, one is pansexual, one is [maybe, they haven't decided yet] trans, one is ["for sure", changed name twice] trans, while most are hetero... I think that is all fine and I think it is great they are a varied group that supports one another, but is it a common, CONSTANT topic of conversation among all middle schoolers? Does it calm down at all once they actually get through puberty?

My daughters play on non-school sports teams with 2-3 practices a week plus 1-2 games or meets. None of that is happening there.

It IS happening all over their progressive DC private school. Some girls are obsessed about it, and have no real interests or activities outside of school so they really get one dimensional. My 3 kids can’t wait to get to high school or college. Or we re-evaluate schools. Life’s too short for this. Friends in other cities and states don’t have this anywhere near what DC schools have manufactured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

NP. How can we teach kids that they don't need to conform? I mean, I can say it till I'm blue in the face but to actually teach that skill... I have no idea how.

Its hard. I agree with that. Self esteem. There is no 1 formula

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi and I was as well. I gently steered her to expand her friendships (of course maintain with this primary group but expand to a broader range of friends) and the intensity of the discussions/confusion abated. Her friendships with older teens (ages 16 and 17) through orchestra turned out to be the healthiest time spent.

It's just TOO MUCH in some groups of middle schoolers right now......my DD (age 13) actually was not confused about her gender/sexuality and was being questioned/pressured about her lack of confusion....I don't believe that's healthy. Love is love. We support all choices. I will say that for kids who don't have any confusion, there is some current peer pressure to be very confused.......it seems to be rather "fashionable", which I am concerned may negatively impact the smaller percentage of kids who really are confused and need our uncoditional support.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s definitely been the main focus of my recent 8th grader’s friend group for the past three years. I get it, but I also wonder if there’s a whole lot of living they’re missing out on by getting bogged down in the labels. It’s so self-obsessive, but of course I say that from the perspective of having already gone through adolescence. I think it’s mostly a phase, but I also observe plenty of older teens and 20-somethings still ruminating.

OP here. I worry about the kids getting bogged down in the labels, too. It seems like they're limiting themselves.

I also get the feeling that they all want to "be something", and these days it seems like the "something special to be" is a label that is not the typical "norm" (hetero); it is the kids who are gay, bi, trans, pan, etc. who get the special attention and celebrations for coming out w/their announcements.

NP. My DS is 9 and is already special with a genetic disease and a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD. But he wants to be trans because he wants to be special and different, like the other kids. There's parental support and then there's parental support.

Hfa kid here too who takes everything literally and like a rule. In younger grades she was told to explore her gender by a teacher, and we found her sitting confused in the playroom, asked what’s up, and she confessed how confused she was about this homework. She also had NO context, she thought it obviously must be 1/3 each male, female, non-binary since three genders split equally, obviously.

Anyhow. Dr Dan Shapiro has parent courses on how to better help special needs kids who feel a bit different already, neuropsych-atypically, and all the gender, orientation, lgbtqiia2+ social studies units in k-8.

[Anonymous]

If rules must be put in place just to make you feel affirmed and if “deadnaming” and “misgendering” feel like a form of murder, and if you need the whole world to enforce your perception of yourself, perhaps you should consider why your self-identity is so incredibly fragile.

Most of us don’t have this problem. We aren’t going to melt or die if someone uses the wrong name or pronoun. We are totally secure in our identity. We don’t need anyone to affirm it. So why is your identity so brittle and fragile and weak? Have you asked yourself this question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

Our children go to a school with class trips and overnights and dances. It’s a total mess and waste of energy in the fall about what girl/girls, boy/boys, girl/boys are going to match up. Skies the limit.
Same for the tent overnights. Everyone body thinking they. Red to be experimenting with everybody. Truly bizarre.

We told our kids to date kids not from their school. Too awkward.

One month girl A is dating or kissing Boy A, then a few months later is “kissing Girl B” and the back to Boy A or B, etc. It’s ruining friendships too, since things turn bad once denied or broken up. Soon no one will be dating within the school, they alienated everyone during grades 5-8. It seems to mainly kissing or feeling up, since I’m their adolescent Brian’s that’s the Feelings Test to gauge your orientation.

And before you ridicule me, these sexual orientation tests and kiss a boy then a girl fun is all over teen social influencers sites, tweets and instagrams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi and I was as well. I gently steered her to expand her friendships (of course maintain with this primary group but expand to a broader range of friends) and the intensity of the discussions/confusion abated. Her friendships with older teens (ages 16 and 17) through orchestra turned out to be the healthiest time spent. It's just TOO MUCH in some groups of middle schoolers right now......my DD (age 13) actually was not confused about her gender/sexuality and was being questioned/pressured about her lack of confusion....I don't believe that's healthy. Love is love. We support all choices. I will say that for kids who don't have any confusion, there is some current peer pressure to be very confused.......it seems to be rather "fashionable", which I am concerned may negatively impact the smaller percentage of kids who really are confused and need our uncoditional support.

OP here. Thank you for this. DH and I are considering how to help our kid branch out a bit now as this friend group had gotten pretty insular through the pandemic. I've also noticed my kid's anxiety rising, and it seems to be almost all the kids in the group celebrate having "social anxiety"; and, before this group became so tightly knit, my kid was not anxious. May I ask how you went about gently steering the expansion of your daughter's friendships?

NP and it’s the same with our kids. DD and friends are constantly talking about this. Yes, we support them and yes, some may truly be LBGTQ+ BUT I really doubt the majority are and it’s all they discuss. DD talks about it openly to all of us in the family. We listen.

As for expanding the friendship and branching out, she’s an extreme extrovert who loves to be busy. So when she wants to do the extra sports team, clinic sessions or art class or whatever I encourage it even if it means more driving for me. I think it’s good to have different groups of friends anyway as they head off to high school in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

I am not sure what you are trying to say.
I think kids need to learn how to be ok with not conforming. But this skill shouldn’t be so heavily focused on gender issues

NP. How can we teach kids that they don't need to conform? I mean, I can say it till I'm blue in the face but to actually teach that skill... I have no idea how.

I am trying to do it by example plus acknowledging that it is indeed hard to not conform, that the pressure is real, and that yes I have been there too. I also tell stories, some of them not entirely factual but they are supposed to illustrate the point.
I have no idea how successful I am.
My parents were quite non conforming in many ways and I am a much more traditional person, but the older I get the more I value the message they sent me - it’s ok to not be like others. I had to figure out how different I wanted to be but the general message still stands

Right now in beltway schools, it’s “confirming” to say you’re confused about your gender and orientation.

It’s non confirming to not discuss this a ton and focus on your studies, sports (oops, sports are bad around here in some circles!), outside interests.

[Anonymous]

Such a waste of time and energy.