I am so sick of talking about sexuality, gender, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

OP here. Yes -- thank you, PP. You summed up well what I feel I am often witnessing.

There was talk about this among my DD's group in 6th and 7th grade. My DD would tell me how annoying she found it all. In her view, it was kids just trying to be "different" or "interesting." But by 8-9 grade, it mostly seems to be over.

Nobody is talking about sex in 9th grade. Lol! You wish!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

OP here. Yes -- thank you, PP. You summed up well what I feel I am often witnessing.

There was talk about this among my DD's group in 6th and 7th grade. My DD would tell me how annoying she found it all. In her view, it was kids just trying to be "different" or "interesting." But by 8-9 grade, it mostly seems to be over.

Nobody is talking about sex in 9th grade. Lol! You wish!

Well maybe the are doing it lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

Do you think that society should tolerate homophobia and transphobia, when it literally leads to violence, murder, bullying and keeping people from getting jobs and housing, etc.? Serious question. I genuinely want to know your answer.

I am not sure I understand your question? There should be no “phobias” ideally. And definitely no violence. What I meant was - he shouldn’t say things that can be interpreted as phobic, such as “you are just falling for the fad”, even though it may be true. He should NOT say it, period.

Thank you for clarifying. I did not mean to put you on the spot, I genuinely could not tell if you wanted homophobia and transphobia to be "tolerated," even though they cause people to be directly harmed.

No, I am just against labeling any thought dissenting from “it’s so cool to talk about genders and pronouns every time, everywhere” as trans- or whatever phobia.

Shouldn't an individual who wants their name and pronouns to be used and respected be free to say so anytime, anywhere? Where and when is it "not OK" for them to do so? Should they not feel welcome and safe and respected in church, in school, in your neighborhood--where/when is it not OK? Genuine question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

Not PP you are replying to but I have a conforming kid and it’s just too much talk all around on the topic that doesn’t quite concern him. I would prefer there was talk about peer Pressure etc than focus on genders

The problem is not discussing gender, the problem is your child needs to learn not to confirm to … gender, sex, drinking, drugs, racism, vandalism, bullying, etc.

But your only worried about kids talking about their gender?

Believe me the cis kids are talking about sex … actually having sex! But okay clutch your pearls over “gender talk”.

[Anonymous]

Conform*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

But it's all harmless! How can anyone be harmed by a label?

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

[Anonymous]

It is exhausting. I just had a FTM trans kid telling me to change the way I talked about Roe and "women" yesterday to say something like "people who can become pregnant." I really can't even deal with talking about women's rights being considered transphobic. Like, enough.

[Anonymous]

Kids don't realize how stupid they sound until they are much older. Doesn't matter what they are talking about. Consider it standard kid stupidity and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

Do you think that society should tolerate homophobia and transphobia, when it literally leads to violence, murder, bullying and keeping people from getting jobs and housing, etc.? Serious question. I genuinely want to know your answer.

I am not sure I understand your question? There should be no “phobias” ideally. And definitely no violence. What I meant was - he shouldn’t say things that can be interpreted as phobic, such as “you are just falling for the fad”, even though it may be true. He should NOT say it, period.

Thank you for clarifying. I did not mean to put you on the spot, I genuinely could not tell if you wanted homophobia and transphobia to be "tolerated," even though they cause people to be directly harmed.

No, I am just against labeling any thought dissenting from “it’s so cool to talk about genders and pronouns every time, everywhere” as trans- or whatever phobia.

Shouldn't an individual who wants their name and pronouns to be used and respected be free to say so anytime, anywhere? Where and when is it "not OK" for them to do so? Should they not feel welcome and safe and respected in church, in school, in your neighborhood--where/when is it not OK? Genuine question.

I don't know what type of churches you've been a part of, but very few tolerate/acknowledge/accept lgb, much less tq, &etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

OP here. Yes -- thank you, PP. You summed up well what I feel I am often witnessing.

There was talk about this among my DD's group in 6th and 7th grade. My DD would tell me how annoying she found it all. In her view, it was kids just trying to be "different" or "interesting." But by 8-9 grade, it mostly seems to be over.

Nobody is talking about sex in 9th grade. Lol! You wish!

What are you talking about? Nobody said kids stopped talking about sex in 9th grade. The thread is about MS kids' obsession with where they fit in on the gender spectrum. That discussion, IME, wanes by 8th or 9th grade. Why would you respond to a thread you haven't read or is it that you just don't understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

Every extra eye roll just makes me that more sure that you don’t have a daughter between the ages of 12 and 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What planet and what decade did middle schooler not talk about dating/who they like?

Not the OP, but in my experience, this group of middle schoolers is not talking about who they like, as in this person or that person. It’s more like they feel pressured, starting at the age of 11-12, to figure out and publicly identify both their gender identity and sexual orientation. And it’s all very hypothetical at this point, i.e. not based on actual crushes, but more about which group you want to align yourself with based on styles and tastes. This absolutely has not been a widespread thing in decades past.

Really? Do when you were growing up 11-12 year olds who were not interested in dating were not pressured to identify “who they liked”? They were not pressured to “go together”. 7th- 8th graders were not pressured to kiss somebody? Nobody played spin the bottle even if they didn’t care to kiss anybody?

Girls were not called tomboys, boys were not called “Tom girls”.

Boys were called “gay” or “f@g” if they did not act jock?

Your just remember it in a way you think is “normal” because hetero pressure is just normal to you.

I didn’t kiss anyone til I was 16 and never once played spin the bottle or was pressured to go with anyone. I was the quiet, studious girl who boys paid no attention to. (But I secretly had crushes on boys.) In today’s world, based on my observations among my DD’s friends, I’m pretty sure I would feel the obligation to identify as asexual, pansexual or lesbian, to keep my options open and ensure that I wasn’t acting in any sort of -phobic way. Don’t even try to tell me this is how it’s always been.

No because you would self segregate like you did when you were a teen. If you did not have 1 friend ask you what boy you liked when you were 11-12 you clearly were choosing friends that were not the norm.