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I am so sick of talking about sexuality, gender, etc.
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Anonymous
| Reality check me, please... But, is this a primary topic among all middle schoolers?! It seems like my kid's friends are all beyond obsessed with it. One is gay, one is pansexual, one is [maybe, they haven't decided yet] trans, one is ["for sure", changed name twice] trans, while most are hetero... I think that is all fine and I think it is great they are a varied group that supports one another, but is it a common, CONSTANT topic of conversation among all middle schoolers? Does it calm down at all once they actually get through puberty? |
Anonymous
| It's puberty. It just used to be that sexuality was assumed to be straight, so all the discussion focused on who had a crush on whom. Now it's equally split between who has a crush on whom and what gender/sexuality everyone is. Seems pretty harmless to me provided everyone is being treated respectfully and none of the potentially trans kids are making medical changes until they're a bit older. |
Anonymous
| I mean when I was that age the talk was constantly about who "liked" who and who was "dating" who and who had kissed who and who had never kissed anyone. And the clothes you wore, and the clohtes others wore, and their hair, and their interests... So I could absolutely see this being a main topic of conversation especially now that gender stuff is so mainstream. Instead of changing their hair and feeling awkward in their body, a 12 year old girl says "well i must feel awkward in my body because i'm trans! I must be embarassed about my boobs because i'm trans!" and this gets her a lot of affirmation from her equally insecure friends. This all sounds SO normal to me. And of course some of those girls ARE trans, but most are 1000% not. |
Anonymous
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Um, didn't you frequently talk about dating and sex when you were a middle schooler? Didn't you frequently talk about trappings related to gender, such as who had great clothes, who had great hair, who was allowed to wear makeup, etc.?
So if it was OK for you to talk with your friends about topics related to sex and dating and gender, that was fine--because you were sticking to mostly straight and heteronormative topics? But somehow it's not OK for middle schoolers to talk about dating, sex and topics related to gender...just because they are discussing more than just straight and heteronormative topics? My brother came out as gay when he was 28 years old. He was gay as a middle schooler but didn't talk about it with his family, friends or anyone because he was afraid of being ostracized and even harmed or killed. And you think it's a bad thing for kids who are gay now to be comfortable talking about it? You'd rather they live in fear and silence and contemplate suicide, like my brother did? |
Anonymous
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None of friends' teens and tweens, or mine, talk about this.
We're all left-wing liberals, but probably more socially conservative than other left-wing liberals; and some of us are European, where there isn't a "woke" movement like here. Sorry if that word is loaded, but it's a convenient short-cut. My kids and their friends are of course aware of other children's gender fluidity or gender affirmations. But it's not a subject of conversation. They just accept the new identity and move on and talk about what really interests them, which are usually sci-fi and fantasy art, books and video games, and who said what in the latest chat fight. |
Anonymous
That's awful about your brother, and I'm sorry. I am sure his experience was unfortunately not unique and that makes me sad. However, I doubt that 50% of the middle school girls in my neighborhood are actually trans or gay. It is, for many of these girls, a fad and a way to express how uncomfortable they are with the changes their bodies are going through and how they dont feel they fit into the mold of a straight, girly girl. And now, they have a label they can put on it, to feel more sure of themselves and to explain to themselves why they are uncomfortable with their body's changes. I think it's natural, and fine. But it's also a fad, and 50% of 12 year old girls are not , in reality, trans. |
Anonymous
I mean, OK, so they're talking about it. You know, like TALKING? If your tween or teen starts asking you about hormone therapy or surgery, then you can be concerned. But in the meantime, they're talking. I know girls in middle school who coped with the changes in their body by developing eating disorders, because that is a form of controlling the changes that feel out of your control, and getting parental attention that otherwise they felt they were losing. Would you prefer that to talking? |
Anonymous
| In my day it was interracial dating. My parents didn't want to hear about that either. |
Anonymous
| Some kids are hit by hormones harder than others. So I can see how some groups of friends would be more obsessed with this topic than other groups. Like attracts like, OP. |
Anonymous
| My kid is not talking about this yet but is not quite in MS. Having said that, if the kids are talking to each other about this and you are “ sick of it” then stop listening to them or asking them what they talked about. |
Anonymous
Why? As a white-Asian 40 year old, what about interracial dating was strange to your parents? My parents clearly had no trouble with it 
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Anonymous
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Okay, when you say you're so sick of talking about sexuality and gender, you mean you are so sick of kids talking about sexuality and gender?
Because you definitely don't have to talk about it if nobody brings it up with you (beyond your obligatory sex talks), and you definitely don't have to involve yourself in their conversations. |
Anonymous
| My MS boy rarely talks about it. I think it's been mentioned in his peer group but it isn't a frequent topic of conversation. OP, are you talking about boys or girls? |
Anonymous
| Hi and I was as well. I gently steered her to expand her friendships (of course maintain with this primary group but expand to a broader range of friends) and the intensity of the discussions/confusion abated. Her friendships with older teens (ages 16 and 17) through orchestra turned out to be the healthiest time spent. It's just TOO MUCH in some groups of middle schoolers right now......my DD (age 13) actually was not confused about her gender/sexuality and was being questioned/pressured about her lack of confusion....I don't believe that's healthy. Love is love. We support all choices. I will say that for kids who don't have any confusion, there is some current peer pressure to be very confused.......it seems to be rather "fashionable", which I am concerned may negatively impact the smaller percentage of kids who really are confused and need our uncoditional support. |
Anonymous
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My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol |