I am so sick of talking about sexuality, gender, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my day it was interracial dating. My parents didn't want to hear about that either.

What did your peers think? Cool or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi and I was as well. I gently steered her to expand her friendships (of course maintain with this primary group but expand to a broader range of friends) and the intensity of the discussions/confusion abated. Her friendships with older teens (ages 16 and 17) through orchestra turned out to be the healthiest time spent. It's just TOO MUCH in some groups of middle schoolers right now......my DD (age 13) actually was not confused about her gender/sexuality and was being questioned/pressured about her lack of confusion....I don't believe that's healthy. Love is love. We support all choices. I will say that for kids who don't have any confusion, there is some current peer pressure to be very confused.......it seems to be rather "fashionable", which I am concerned may negatively impact the smaller percentage of kids who really are confused and need our uncoditional support.

OP here. Thank you for this. DH and I are considering how to help our kid branch out a bit now as this friend group had gotten pretty insular through the pandemic. I've also noticed my kid's anxiety rising, and it seems to be almost all the kids in the group celebrate having "social anxiety"; and, before this group became so tightly knit, my kid was not anxious. May I ask how you went about gently steering the expansion of your daughter's friendships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

It’s not a secret to him that you agree with him. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree lol.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely been the main focus of my recent 8th grader’s friend group for the past three years. I get it, but I also wonder if there’s a whole lot of living they’re missing out on by getting bogged down in the labels. It’s so self-obsessive, but of course I say that from the perspective of having already gone through adolescence. I think it’s mostly a phase, but I also observe plenty of older teens and 20-somethings still ruminating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my day it was interracial dating. My parents didn't want to hear about that either.

Yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s definitely been the main focus of my recent 8th grader’s friend group for the past three years. I get it, but I also wonder if there’s a whole lot of living they’re missing out on by getting bogged down in the labels. It’s so self-obsessive, but of course I say that from the perspective of having already gone through adolescence. I think it’s mostly a phase, but I also observe plenty of older teens and 20-somethings still ruminating.

Honestly video games are even further removed from real life and even more useless imo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, when you say you're so sick of talking about sexuality and gender, you mean you are so sick of kids talking about sexuality and gender?

Because you definitely don't have to talk about it if nobody brings it up with you (beyond your obligatory sex talks), and you definitely don't have to involve yourself in their conversations.

OP here. I overhear some conversations because I am often the driver to events, and also host kid events. Also: they chat online (loudly; we have a small house, so it is impossible not to hear!), etc.

And: my kid brings the topics up to me when confused or concerned about something. For that, I do consider myself lucky! I would never, in a million years say, "Don't talk to me about this!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

It’s not a secret to him that you agree with him. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree lol.

Good! As long as he is not disparaging his peers openly it’s fine. We are entitled to our opinions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

Do you think that society should tolerate homophobia and transphobia, when it literally leads to violence, murder, bullying and keeping people from getting jobs and housing, etc.? Serious question. I genuinely want to know your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s definitely been the main focus of my recent 8th grader’s friend group for the past three years. I get it, but I also wonder if there’s a whole lot of living they’re missing out on by getting bogged down in the labels. It’s so self-obsessive, but of course I say that from the perspective of having already gone through adolescence. I think it’s mostly a phase, but I also observe plenty of older teens and 20-somethings still ruminating.

OP here. I worry about the kids getting bogged down in the labels, too. It seems like they're limiting themselves.

I also get the feeling that they all want to "be something", and these days it seems like the "something special to be" is a label that is not the typical "norm" (hetero); it is the kids who are gay, bi, trans, pan, etc. who get the special attention and celebrations for coming out w/their announcements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi and I was as well. I gently steered her to expand her friendships (of course maintain with this primary group but expand to a broader range of friends) and the intensity of the discussions/confusion abated. Her friendships with older teens (ages 16 and 17) through orchestra turned out to be the healthiest time spent. It's just TOO MUCH in some groups of middle schoolers right now......my DD (age 13) actually was not confused about her gender/sexuality and was being questioned/pressured about her lack of confusion....I don't believe that's healthy. Love is love. We support all choices. I will say that for kids who don't have any confusion, there is some current peer pressure to be very confused.......it seems to be rather "fashionable", which I am concerned may negatively impact the smaller percentage of kids who really are confused and need our uncoditional support.

OP here. Thank you for this. DH and I are considering how to help our kid branch out a bit now as this friend group had gotten pretty insular through the pandemic. I've also noticed my kid's anxiety rising, and it seems to be almost all the kids in the group celebrate having "social anxiety"; and, before this group became so tightly knit, my kid was not anxious. May I ask how you went about gently steering the expansion of your daughter's friendships?

DP. Your kid’s friend group sounds almost identical to mine. It’s really tricky. I don’t try to control who she’s friends with (although, believe me, I’d like to), but I did make her get off TikTok to shut down the constant barrage. Youth culture is so steeped in this now, there’s no way to avoid it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, when you say you're so sick of talking about sexuality and gender, you mean you are so sick of kids talking about sexuality and gender?

Because you definitely don't have to talk about it if nobody brings it up with you (beyond your obligatory sex talks), and you definitely don't have to involve yourself in their conversations.

OP here. I overhear some conversations because I am often the driver to events, and also host kid events. Also: they chat online (loudly; we have a small house, so it is impossible not to hear!), etc.

And: my kid brings the topics up to me when confused or concerned about something. For that, I do consider myself lucky! I would never, in a million years say, "Don't talk to me about this!"

Yeah but you can subtly share your thoughts about it. Like, I am not going to take all this stuff seriously, though I respect their need to discuss it and think about it. But no way I am going to use a new pronoun unless my kid is super serious and insisting etc etc.
i think I will be able to tell if he is just following his peers or there’s really something going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

Do you think that society should tolerate homophobia and transphobia, when it literally leads to violence, murder, bullying and keeping people from getting jobs and housing, etc.? Serious question. I genuinely want to know your answer.

I am not sure I understand your question? There should be no “phobias” ideally. And definitely no violence. What I meant was - he shouldn’t say things that can be interpreted as phobic, such as “you are just falling for the fad”, even though it may be true. He should NOT say it, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a rising 7th grader and luckily not quite there yet. He does inundate me with all the videogame and YouTube talk though!
He seems to think it’s stupid to have so many genders - he was talking about the latest Wings of Fire book and how “they now have pronouns, oh no!” I just tell him to be very careful when discussing it with friends for fear to be labeled a bigot or whatnot. But I secretly agree with him lol

To add: I actually went so far as to tell him that it’s a fad for 99% of people talking about it. If he is the 1% who is serious about it he should come to me and I will support him. But if he just wants to fit in - fine but I won’t be going out of my way to support him, just not disparage. And he shouldn’t dismiss other people who think it’s serious for them even if he thinks it’s not. And he shouldn’t question others, except at home with me we can roll eyes together
He knows society is not too tolerant to all the homophobic and transphobic stuff, at least not where we live.

Try 10%: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna16556