How to marry a financially compatible man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most UMC men will make at least $300k. That should not be hard.

+1

Of course this is possible and not even hard to do. Just screen for jobs. Look for people in finance or tech or BigLaw partners.

The only hindrance is you’re on your forties and men like that may be looking for twenty somethings to have children with.

Those man are MARRIED. Or not interested in remarrying at all.

OP here again: I am not interested in necessarily remarrying but I want a LTR with someone who considers us "marriage material" for each other. I don't want dating and investing my time for no prospects.

And not, I am not interested in MARRIED men. I have no time on waiting for him to get a divorce (like my exH mistress who wasted her 40s on her "exit affair", and he divorced but still doesn't plan to marry her).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.

I don’t know how anyone making 600k/year (and 1.2m/year jointly) for years would not have at least $3mm net worth. It means you and your exH were terrible managing your money and assets. I would not want someone who’s wasteful and wouldn’t look at your exH either

I’m talking about salary only in terms of income because that is all we have. I read that OP makes 100k (salary). I am only making 200k for the first time this year. I was making a little over 100 most of my career. My ex husband makes about the same— but with two jobs one being a federal employee. Our total income while married was 250-300 K a year. My ex-husband who earns just under 200k a year would not be interested in you is my point… if someone making that amount of money is not going to be interested in you someone who’s making a lot more money certainly isn’t going to be interested.

You can't tell for your exH who is interesting for him and who's not. Not every 40+ man with children looks for another marriage with kids. My exH prefers dating women his age or slightly younger because the last thing he wants is to deal with a toddler approaching age of 60. But I do agree that my options at 40+ would be more limited than my options at 30+. I can "waive" the height (can be shorter than me), looks (can have a belly as long is not too overweight and is good in bed, doens't need to run every 2 other days etc), no kids requirements.

I am not a trust fund heir. Being the first generation immigrant, I've built my real estate business over 10 years of hard work. In fact, it was "my" business my exH was primarily focused on his corporate career but when I filed for divorce he fought for the business like crazy. Our joint assets were worth around $10mm at the time of divorce, I got slightly less than that after legal fees and had to refinance one of the income properties to keep it. He retained his job 401K, eventually agreeing to "horse traded" assets as he couldn't really focus on the business going forward due to being tied at corporate career.

But I have a very good education (NY Bar) so after divorce I easily secured a position at 100k/year during the pandemic. I don't need to working making W2 salary, my business income would be enough to live rather comfortably. But this extra 100K makes up for the second lost income after divorce. Sorry but your salary of 100K for years even with the recent 200K is just not impressive to me as a female entrepreneur. It's highly insecure to have one source of income and no assets for cushion.

I know because he does not (1) date women who waste money (2) she only actually earns 100k from working. She screams lazy and entitled. He does not waste money. She does. He also will never remarry. He makes less than her “requirements” and still would not give her the time of day.

Which is why I would not be interested in a federal employee who makes 170K without major raise expectations but telling me not to "waste" my own business earned money. And should rather spend it on his kids college account, right?Are you serious? Why would I even marry to someone like your exH?

I am saying that if you are not attractive to my ex--who is lowly by your standards--a higher earning man is not going to be interested in you. You can't even get what you are considering to be beneath you.! You need a reality check on what you can attract.

Your ex would not be attractive to me, we would be totally different energy, values and world outlook levels[/quote

You will not be attractive to higher earning men either. You are shallow and materialistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like most UMC men will make at least $300k. That should not be hard.

+1

Of course this is possible and not even hard to do. Just screen for jobs. Look for people in finance or tech or BigLaw partners.

The only hindrance is you’re on your forties and men like that may be looking for twenty somethings to have children with.

Those man are MARRIED. Or not interested in remarrying at all.

OP here again: I am not interested in necessarily remarrying but I want a LTR with someone who considers us "marriage material" for each other. I don't want dating and investing my time for no prospects.

And not, I am not interested in MARRIED men. I have no time on waiting for him to get a divorce (like my exH mistress who wasted her 40s on her "exit affair", and he divorced but still doesn't plan to marry her).

You need to improve your reading comprehension skills. These men are married. That means they are not available to date. You do not understand what I am saying. I am saying that the supply of men you seek are already married. There are very few men in their 40s who are available to date let alone married...because most of them are already married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in early 40s, recently divorced. Not looking to remarry immediately, I just date. But if I was to remarry, it would need to be someone "financially compatible". I have a net worth if $3.5mm (primarily real estate trust-like managed arrangement). No financial obligations except for a very small mortgage (net worth counted after mortgage).

My trust makes around 250k/year. I also work full time at a fed contractor making 100K/year at a contracting position. I am not particular career oriented as I already make enough for single lifestyle. Basically it's like having 2 jobs with gross total income 300-350k depending on a year. Ideally I need my future husband in a 300K+ income bracket, to "restore" the lifestyle I had prior to my divorce. I had a comfortable income with exH at 700-$1mm/year. I like traveling to Europe, skiing, nice clothing, restaurants etc. I would want to mix the income which has to be roughly equal, without mixing our pre-marital assets. That way we both could step up our joint lifestyle and afford more as a couple plus benefit on joint taxes (every economist knows "economy of scale" principle). Of course, we could buy another joint property or start some joint business in real estate which I am very familiar with

My partner would need to have a similar life style: e.g. not being cheap, willing to mix incomes but not assets, like art in other words being accustomed to this lifestyle. I can't imagine arguing about things which I can somewhat afford myself already. I am a member of a country club (where everyone seems married); a sport club, travel every season for 2 weeks on average; go out to nice restaurants.

Is it realistic to find a partner like this? How would I "weed out" those under the parameters I am looking for? Are there dating platforms for wealthier people? I am not on any app at the moment, would it be a poor taste to put the requirements on the profile?

It’s not impossible. Look at Lauren Sanchez, she’s 52, dating Bezos, and they seem to be living an extravagant lifestyle together. He could have easily gone for a 24 year old but chose her.

I don’t think you should put your requirements for wealth on profiles, that’s a big turn off. Instead focus on the positives of that - the traveling, art galleries, whatever else you are into that indicates wealth. Then look for the same on men’s profiles.

You might be better off with a matchmaking service. Still use the apps, but try a matchmaker specifically for wealthy people.

OP here, this is the first post that's indeed helpful! Can you recommend a matchmaker? I have pretty wide social circle locally, don't want people to see my online profile. I have Linkedin but no IS and my FB is barely active

I don’t have a recommendation for a math maker, sorry. I’m sure there’s plenty online.

What I would do: back when I was 24 and wanted to break into a specific field that’s very hard to get into, I spend 2 years actively pursuing it. Most people sent out hundreds of applications and resumes, got rejected every time, then gave up. I was very strategic, I did a ton of work to boost my resume, read everything I could online about getting in, did a ton of networking, met all the key players in the field, etc. and not only did a land a job, I landed one of the highest paying ones.

I feel like your circumstances would benefit from a similar approach. Most people are very passive: like the people who just sent out applications, they just sign up for OLD then complain no one is interested. Instead, make yourself irresistible. Hit the gym like it’s your job, hire a stylist to help with your look, get Botox, learn makeup, etc. Then get out there and network nonstop. Go to where these men are - the art galleries, vacation spots, classes, events, etc. It’ll take you awhile to find all the right spots, but keep going and you’ll find them. Plan on spending 2 years working at this as if it were a job. Track what is successful and what is not successful. Expand your network by talking to literally everyone you meet.

It sounds like a lot of work, but it’s not that much considering an extra $500k a year for the next 40 years.

I know people like to sh!t on older women for not being desirable or whatever, but I think that’s crap. We make our own successes and can reach our own goals, but we have to work for it. Don’t let people try to limit you based on your sex and age.

OP here. I am a pretty good looking woman, and already dress stylish, make-up etc. My exH married me among other things for superior looks. Two friends of mine re-married in their 40s. Both from Eastern Europe, tall, thin and very beautiful faces divorced women. Both with teenagers. One is marrying a Silicone valley rising star soon, and is herself a successful multi-million business owner. He is slightly younger btw but they plan to adopt or have another child. I know these are real stories based on my female friends' experience, but I just recently divorced and don't know how to thread these new waters yet.

How close of friends are you? I’d ask them for advice and ask them to start inviting you to events where their husbands will have rich buddies around.

We do go together to some events but men would be usually married. If I need a single partner, a "match maker" specialized on professional couples would be better option for me, as they pre-screen income, marital status etc.

One of them met her Silicone Valley husband to be while at her post graduate program in England (she went back to school after divorce and financed it herself). Another one remarried her exH colleague and I suspect they had an affair long before getting a divorce so it's not a "meeting a new man" situation like it would be for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

People might not be telling openly what they think. At least OP knows what she wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

Are you first gen? Because unless you are your opinion is moot.

[Anonymous]

Any guy with your income requirements who would date someone your age will be 55+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

Are you first gen? Because unless you are your opinion is moot.

I am not but my family is married into first gen…. And they do not think like you. Thank God. The way you think is an absolute liability to anybody with money. You’re not 20 years younger and you have nothing to offer. Not find anybody below the age of 52 or 53 would be remotely interested in you and your materialistic and snobby attitude. Guess what? you’re in the United States. Man with money and especially divorce men wanna protect their assets they don’t want to spend the money on you. Keep Wasting your money at the country club because honestly that is your best bet to find somebody are looking for. Vast majority of men in their 40s are married and the ones who have a lot of money or not gonna be interested in dating you might as well go 52+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sort of seems like your first marriage was mostly a business arrangement. I don’t think trying to replicate that is the best plan. In your 40s, you don’t have to marry for crazy passionate love, but marriage is still more than a business arrangement. You should be looking for genuine compatibility, shared interests, kindness and consideration. If you find all of that in a man who only makes $160K, would you really not consider it?

I would start a relationship with a man who’s making 160k but it’s not a sign of a very driven person for DC at age 40. And likely he’s not same life style as me. I would give him ideas how to improve his income situation by moving jobs, making good investments but won’t officially marry until he can show ability to achieve more in life. I’ve made my first million at age 30 only after 5 years in the US

You are not very driven either. 450k joint is good enough for a 300k single lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

Are you first gen? Because unless you are your opinion is moot.

I am not but my family is married into first gen…. And they do not think like you. Thank God. The way you think is an absolute liability to anybody with money. You’re not 20 years younger and you have nothing to offer. Not find anybody below the age of 52 or 53 would be remotely interested in you and your materialistic and snobby attitude. Guess what? you’re in the United States. Man with money and especially divorce men wanna protect their assets they don’t want to spend the money on you. Keep Wasting your money at the country club because honestly that is your best bet to find somebody are looking for. Vast majority of men in their 40s are married and the ones who have a lot of money or not gonna be interested in dating you might as well go 52+

Why should I want to spend her money then on any man? I think exactly how you describe all men think about it and for some reason I am judged and they are not. Its some sort of 'men power", right? If there is such a thing, I would rather stay single and have a FB. And I totally can offer the same things as women in their 20-30s besides the youth. I still can have children, can be an equal partner, supportive of his career etc. Certainly more things to discuss for a 40yo man with me than with a 20 y.o. Oh, and please dont tell me all these men dating 20 yo women want to remarry. They typically remarry to women slightly younger or their age with something behind their belt. And the men dating 20 y.o. is not my focus of interest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sort of seems like your first marriage was mostly a business arrangement. I don’t think trying to replicate that is the best plan. In your 40s, you don’t have to marry for crazy passionate love, but marriage is still more than a business arrangement. You should be looking for genuine compatibility, shared interests, kindness and consideration. If you find all of that in a man who only makes $160K, would you really not consider it?

I would start a relationship with a man who’s making 160k but it’s not a sign of a very driven person for DC at age 40. And likely he’s not same life style as me. I would give him ideas how to improve his income situation by moving jobs, making good investments but won’t officially marry until he can show ability to achieve more in life. I’ve made my first million at age 30 only after 5 years in the US

You are not very driven either. 450k joint is good enough for a 300k single lifestyle.

I dont know, it depends on his profession. If its some interesting area like phD/researcher types but a fed with 170K salary will be a hard no. These are types I would not have much in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

Are you first gen? Because unless you are your opinion is moot.

I am not but my family is married into first gen…. And they do not think like you. Thank God. The way you think is an absolute liability to anybody with money. You’re not 20 years younger and you have nothing to offer. Not find anybody below the age of 52 or 53 would be remotely interested in you and your materialistic and snobby attitude. Guess what? you’re in the United States. Man with money and especially divorce men wanna protect their assets they don’t want to spend the money on you. Keep Wasting your money at the country club because honestly that is your best bet to find somebody are looking for. Vast majority of men in their 40s are married and the ones who have a lot of money or not gonna be interested in dating you might as well go 52+

Why should I want to spend her money then on any man? I think exactly how you describe all men think about it and for some reason I am judged and they are not. Its some sort of 'men power", right? If there is such a thing, I would rather stay single and have a FB. And I totally can offer the same things as women in their 20-30s besides the youth. I still can have children, can be an equal partner, supportive of his career etc. Certainly more things to discuss for a 40yo man with me than with a 20 y.o. Oh, and please dont tell me all these men dating 20 yo women want to remarry. They typically remarry to women slightly younger or their age with something behind their belt. And the men dating 20 y.o. is not my focus of interest

The very point of your post is that you wanted to get remarried again or have a long-term relationship. Now you’re backpedaling. Fact of the matter is is that I am the exact same age as you and I know my limitations. I’m not looking to remarry and I don’t have ridiculous expectations of a rich man wanting to be with somebody divorced with kids. You have an attitude that is extremely materialistic and I cannot see how any man remotely interested in tying themselves to somebody like you. Stay single and get an FWB because chances of you finding someone with your criteria who is of a similar age is less than 1%. Your expectations would be ridiculous at age 28 and you’re beyond ridiculous at age 43.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assumed so but OP just confirmed it- she is a first gen immigrant. You are all looking at this through an American lens. OP are you Eastern European by chance?

Yes, i am but what difference does it make?

Because this is a cultural thing. The American posters on here are giving you a hard time because they come from a completely different cultural mindset. This is a very normal approach to Eastern European women. People don't get that.

I am one of the very prominent posters in this thread and I myself have an Eastern European background and do not think this way. None of my family thinks this way including the rich ones.

Are you first gen? Because unless you are your opinion is moot.

I am not but my family is married into first gen…. And they do not think like you. Thank God. The way you think is an absolute liability to anybody with money. You’re not 20 years younger and you have nothing to offer. Not find anybody below the age of 52 or 53 would be remotely interested in you and your materialistic and snobby attitude. Guess what? you’re in the United States. Man with money and especially divorce men wanna protect their assets they don’t want to spend the money on you. Keep Wasting your money at the country club because honestly that is your best bet to find somebody are looking for. Vast majority of men in their 40s are married and the ones who have a lot of money or not gonna be interested in dating you might as well go 52+

Why should I want to spend her money then on any man? I think exactly how you describe all men think about it and for some reason I am judged and they are not. Its some sort of 'men power", right? If there is such a thing, I would rather stay single and have a FB. And I totally can offer the same things as women in their 20-30s besides the youth. I still can have children, can be an equal partner, supportive of his career etc. Certainly more things to discuss for a 40yo man with me than with a 20 y.o. Oh, and please dont tell me all these men dating 20 yo women want to remarry. They typically remarry to women slightly younger or their age with something behind their belt. And the men dating 20 y.o. is not my focus of interest

The very point of your post is that you wanted to get remarried again or have a long-term relationship. Now you’re backpedaling. Fact of the matter is is that I am the exact same age as you and I know my limitations. I’m not looking to remarry and I don’t have ridiculous expectations of a rich man wanting to be with somebody divorced with kids. You have an attitude that is extremely materialistic and I cannot see how any man remotely interested in tying themselves to somebody like you. Stay single and get an FWB because chances of you finding someone with your criteria who is of a similar age is less than 1%. Your expectations would be ridiculous at age 28 and you’re beyond ridiculous at age 43.

I don't consider my net worth or income "rich". Literally all my neighbors are similar incomes/couples usually. Not sure I would want to take on another dependent in my age.