Blended Family questions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone could benefit from a little more predictability.

I don't see why OP can't bring the schedule back especially when Dad lives so close. The kids can visit him or hang out at his place whenever they like.

2 weeks on, 2 weeks off would seem good. New DH should be able to have some time alone to look forward to. Yes, he should treat the kids like their his but realistically most step-parents don't. It's also unfair to him because when he came in there was more structure.

OP doesn't have to deal with his kid because they're older so she should make some sort of concession to DH. If not, then why date and marry prior to the kids moving out?

Because it's really, really hard to kick your own kids out of the house! If they really don't want to go to the other house, what is OP going to do about it? Bar the door? Pick them up and carry them out? Lock the door and leave them sitting there overnight? Come on.

And frankly, OP's DH sounds like a big part of the problem here. He washes just his own dish! He cleans up just his own mess, no more! Wow what a sterling model of family harmony. What an example he is setting for OP's boys of how to live harmoniously together. When they have children of their own, they will have him as a role model to look up to.

You be a parent and tell them the schedule and drop them off at Dad's house. There is no abuse, neglect or issues. It sounds like the kids can run free at mom's house, which is why its preferred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone could benefit from a little more predictability.

I don't see why OP can't bring the schedule back especially when Dad lives so close. The kids can visit him or hang out at his place whenever they like.

2 weeks on, 2 weeks off would seem good. New DH should be able to have some time alone to look forward to. Yes, he should treat the kids like their his but realistically most step-parents don't. It's also unfair to him because when he came in there was more structure.

OP doesn't have to deal with his kid because they're older so she should make some sort of concession to DH. If not, then why date and marry prior to the kids moving out?

Because it's really, really hard to kick your own kids out of the house! If they really don't want to go to the other house, what is OP going to do about it? Bar the door? Pick them up and carry them out? Lock the door and leave them sitting there overnight? Come on.

And frankly, OP's DH sounds like a big part of the problem here. He washes just his own dish! He cleans up just his own mess, no more! Wow what a sterling model of family harmony. What an example he is setting for OP's boys of how to live harmoniously together. When they have children of their own, they will have him as a role model to look up to.

You be a parent and tell them the schedule and drop them off at Dad's house. There is no abuse, neglect or issues. It sounds like the kids can run free at mom's house, which is why its preferred.

And you don't think telling them they are unwelcome will negatively affect the relationship in the long term?

PS they will know exactly who wants them to leave, and they will hate both of you for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone could benefit from a little more predictability.

I don't see why OP can't bring the schedule back especially when Dad lives so close. The kids can visit him or hang out at his place whenever they like.

2 weeks on, 2 weeks off would seem good. New DH should be able to have some time alone to look forward to. Yes, he should treat the kids like their his but realistically most step-parents don't. It's also unfair to him because when he came in there was more structure.

OP doesn't have to deal with his kid because they're older so she should make some sort of concession to DH. If not, then why date and marry prior to the kids moving out?

Because it's really, really hard to kick your own kids out of the house! If they really don't want to go to the other house, what is OP going to do about it? Bar the door? Pick them up and carry them out? Lock the door and leave them sitting there overnight? Come on.

And frankly, OP's DH sounds like a big part of the problem here. He washes just his own dish! He cleans up just his own mess, no more! Wow what a sterling model of family harmony. What an example he is setting for OP's boys of how to live harmoniously together. When they have children of their own, they will have him as a role model to look up to.

You be a parent and tell them the schedule and drop them off at Dad's house. There is no abuse, neglect or issues. It sounds like the kids can run free at mom's house, which is why its preferred.

OP here: They don’t “run free” at my house, but prefer it because it’s closer to school/gym/friends houses. They have to walk places a lot of time, so living even 1 mile closer to things makes a big difference for them. Otherwise, we try and have the same rules in place at both homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone could benefit from a little more predictability.

I don't see why OP can't bring the schedule back especially when Dad lives so close. The kids can visit him or hang out at his place whenever they like.

2 weeks on, 2 weeks off would seem good. New DH should be able to have some time alone to look forward to. Yes, he should treat the kids like their his but realistically most step-parents don't. It's also unfair to him because when he came in there was more structure.

OP doesn't have to deal with his kid because they're older so she should make some sort of concession to DH. If not, then why date and marry prior to the kids moving out?

Because it's really, really hard to kick your own kids out of the house! If they really don't want to go to the other house, what is OP going to do about it? Bar the door? Pick them up and carry them out? Lock the door and leave them sitting there overnight? Come on.

And frankly, OP's DH sounds like a big part of the problem here. He washes just his own dish! He cleans up just his own mess, no more! Wow what a sterling model of family harmony. What an example he is setting for OP's boys of how to live harmoniously together. When they have children of their own, they will have him as a role model to look up to.

You be a parent and tell them the schedule and drop them off at Dad's house. There is no abuse, neglect or issues. It sounds like the kids can run free at mom's house, which is why its preferred.

OP here: They don’t “run free” at my house, but prefer it because it’s closer to school/gym/friends houses. They have to walk places a lot of time, so living even 1 mile closer to things makes a big difference for them. Otherwise, we try and have the same rules in place at both homes.

After this divorce, please don’t get married again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids. And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent. You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in. This will be great!" Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids. And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority. You did this to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a blended home and I can tell you neither my mom nor my step-father made any of us feel like their home wasn't 100% our home. These are your kids and your husband is now part of your family. It's not you living in his house, letting your kids stay there. It's their home and they NEED to feel that completely. Like any parent, your husband needs to figure out how to get his needs met in ways that don't make the kids feel like they are in the way. I'd start from there and work with DH to brainstorm ways you can have "alone time."

It sounds like the kids are too much at home and disrespectful to the stepfather who has to be their personal maid as the actual parent lets them get away with poor behavior. Then, they get mad at a parent and play the parents off each other by bouncing home to home.

OP here: My boys are very, very respectful to my husband. I can honestly say they have never been rude towards him, and everyone gets along well. As far as cleaning goes, I understand that they are my kids and I take full responsibility for that. I do ALL of the cooking and cleaning in the house (besides what the boys do as part of their chores). If I’m unable to cook dinner, my husband will order in for everyone. My husband cleans up after himself only. For example, he only does his own laundry. If he uses a dish, he will hand wash that dish only. He doesn’t do any of the general chores around the house. If I ask him to do something outside of whatever personal mess he has made, he’ll tell me “make the boys do it”.

I cannot believe what I just read.

+1 op I said earlier to tell husband options are get with the program or get divorced but frankly I think you should just get divorced. He sounds absolutely terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a blended home and I can tell you neither my mom nor my step-father made any of us feel like their home wasn't 100% our home. These are your kids and your husband is now part of your family. It's not you living in his house, letting your kids stay there. It's their home and they NEED to feel that completely. Like any parent, your husband needs to figure out how to get his needs met in ways that don't make the kids feel like they are in the way. I'd start from there and work with DH to brainstorm ways you can have "alone time."

It sounds like the kids are too much at home and disrespectful to the stepfather who has to be their personal maid as the actual parent lets them get away with poor behavior. Then, they get mad at a parent and play the parents off each other by bouncing home to home.

OP here: My boys are very, very respectful to my husband. I can honestly say they have never been rude towards him, and everyone gets along well. As far as cleaning goes, I understand that they are my kids and I take full responsibility for that. I do ALL of the cooking and cleaning in the house (besides what the boys do as part of their chores). If I’m unable to cook dinner, my husband will order in for everyone. My husband cleans up after himself only. For example, he only does his own laundry. If he uses a dish, he will hand wash that dish only. He doesn’t do any of the general chores around the house. If I ask him to do something outside of whatever personal mess he has made, he’ll tell me “make the boys do it”.

Is this for real? What is this peach of a husband bringing to your life? Lots of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a blended home and I can tell you neither my mom nor my step-father made any of us feel like their home wasn't 100% our home. These are your kids and your husband is now part of your family. It's not you living in his house, letting your kids stay there. It's their home and they NEED to feel that completely. Like any parent, your husband needs to figure out how to get his needs met in ways that don't make the kids feel like they are in the way. I'd start from there and work with DH to brainstorm ways you can have "alone time."

It sounds like the kids are too much at home and disrespectful to the stepfather who has to be their personal maid as the actual parent lets them get away with poor behavior. Then, they get mad at a parent and play the parents off each other by bouncing home to home.

OP here: My boys are very, very respectful to my husband. I can honestly say they have never been rude towards him, and everyone gets along well. As far as cleaning goes, I understand that they are my kids and I take full responsibility for that. I do ALL of the cooking and cleaning in the house (besides what the boys do as part of their chores). If I’m unable to cook dinner, my husband will order in for everyone. My husband cleans up after himself only. For example, he only does his own laundry. If he uses a dish, he will hand wash that dish only. He doesn’t do any of the general chores around the house. If I ask him to do something outside of whatever personal mess he has made, he’ll tell me “make the boys do it”.

Is this for real? What is this peach of a husband bringing to your life? Lots of money?

Do you actually love this man? Does he love you? This sounds a little toxic for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids. And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent. You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in. This will be great!" Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids. And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority. You did this to yourself.

Well good for you that you managed to find someone childless to marry while you were still young even to have your own biological kids! That didn’t happen to me. Not everyone is they lucky. And you clearly have never been in the forty and up dating market so you have no idea what you are talking about. You are so smug, I hope your husband cheats and divorces you and you get your snug come uppance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids. And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent. You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in. This will be great!" Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids. And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority. You did this to yourself.

Well good for you that you managed to find someone childless to marry while you were still young even to have your own biological kids! That didn’t happen to me. Not everyone is they lucky. And you clearly have never been in the forty and up dating market so you have no idea what you are talking about. You are so smug, I hope your husband cheats and divorces you and you get your snug come uppance.

What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone could benefit from a little more predictability.

I don't see why OP can't bring the schedule back especially when Dad lives so close. The kids can visit him or hang out at his place whenever they like.

2 weeks on, 2 weeks off would seem good. New DH should be able to have some time alone to look forward to. Yes, he should treat the kids like their his but realistically most step-parents don't. It's also unfair to him because when he came in there was more structure.

OP doesn't have to deal with his kid because they're older so she should make some sort of concession to DH. If not, then why date and marry prior to the kids moving out?

Because it's really, really hard to kick your own kids out of the house! If they really don't want to go to the other house, what is OP going to do about it? Bar the door? Pick them up and carry them out? Lock the door and leave them sitting there overnight? Come on.

And frankly, OP's DH sounds like a big part of the problem here. He washes just his own dish! He cleans up just his own mess, no more! Wow what a sterling model of family harmony. What an example he is setting for OP's boys of how to live harmoniously together. When they have children of their own, they will have him as a role model to look up to.

You be a parent and tell them the schedule and drop them off at Dad's house. There is no abuse, neglect or issues. It sounds like the kids can run free at mom's house, which is why its preferred.

OP here: They don’t “run free” at my house, but prefer it because it’s closer to school/gym/friends houses. They have to walk places a lot of time, so living even 1 mile closer to things makes a big difference for them. Otherwise, we try and have the same rules in place at both homes.

Actually it sounds like they are running wild. You and Dad need to get on the same page and be more considerate to your husband in terms of the house and spending time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids. And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent. You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in. This will be great!" Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids. And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority. You did this to yourself.

Well good for you that you managed to find someone childless to marry while you were still young even to have your own biological kids! That didn’t happen to me. Not everyone is they lucky. And you clearly have never been in the forty and up dating market so you have no idea what you are talking about. You are so smug, I hope your husband cheats and divorces you and you get your snug come uppance.

What is wrong with you?

I’m responding to this obnoxious woman who is lucky enough to get married when she was young enough to have her own biological children. Who clearly has no clue what it’s like to be older and dating. She claims that many men don’t have kids. That’s really not true once you’re in your 40s. She’s an obnoxious smug married woman. She’s not even in a blended family. She has no clue. So yes, I kind of hope karma gets to her and she winds up divorced and having to deal with the over 40 dating market with kids. See how easy it is to find some man with no kids with him she’s perfectly compatible. Or a man who she’s perfectly compatible with who does have kids. She’s asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc. Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff. It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy. I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome. I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach? I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids. And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent. You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in. This will be great!" Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids. And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority. You did this to yourself.

Well good for you that you managed to find someone childless to marry while you were still young even to have your own biological kids! That didn’t happen to me. Not everyone is they lucky. And you clearly have never been in the forty and up dating market so you have no idea what you are talking about. You are so smug, I hope your husband cheats and divorces you and you get your snug come uppance.

What is wrong with you?

I’m responding to this obnoxious woman who is lucky enough to get married when she was young enough to have her own biological children. Who clearly has no clue what it’s like to be older and dating. She claims that many men don’t have kids. That’s really not true once you’re in your 40s. She’s an obnoxious smug married woman. She’s not even in a blended family. She has no clue. So yes, I kind of hope karma gets to her and she winds up divorced and having to deal with the over 40 dating market with kids. See how easy it is to find some man with no kids with him she’s perfectly compatible. Or a man who she’s perfectly compatible with who does have kids. She’s asinine.

Wow