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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a step mom and this situation is pretty much what my husband had with his ex. The only thing that bothered me was when it was last minute and I had planned for dinner for only two of us (easy fix...it became DH's job to deal with dinner when these situations arose) and I found it annoying because my husband never "parented" his children when they were over here and they left messes everywhere, wet towels on the floor, etc.  Basically, all the normal things kids do but, as a parent, you can harass them about or make rules to fix but as a step parent, I had no control over.

So, I'd ask him if the REAL problem is the alone time issue (like you said, you can leave them home alone to go out to eat) or if it's something more.

I did struggle a lot with the kids just waltzing into my bedroom and taking my stuff.  It's nice that they felt comfortable enough to do that but it felt very much like an invasion of privacy.  I'd do more digging to get to the heart of the matter.

I agree with you, though, it's important the kids feel welcome.  I always wanted my step kids to feel like they could come and go whenever they wanted since our home was their home too.[/quote]

Serious question, why did you marry him if you so disagree with his parenting and household management approach?  I have never been able to understand why people do this to themselves.  [/quote]

NP. Once you reach a certain age, practically all men have kids. It’s either date a man with kids, or don’t date anybody.[/quote]

Okay, but if you had to date a man with kids wouldn't you try to find one whose parenting you agree with?  [/quote]

Many women who marry men with kids don’t plan to have kids with them. Did you marry your college boyfriend or something? It’s hard to find someone you are compatible with after your twenties. If practically every man your age has kids, and you don’t want your own kids, and it’s really hard to find someone you like, whether or not a man makes his teens take his shoes off or put the dishes in the dishwasher is not necessarily the top priority.[/quote]

No, I married a man who wants kids, because I wanted kids.  And I did my best to make sure we were on the same page about how to parent.  You can never know 100% if there aren't actual kids yet, but I really can't see myself looking at a man and thinking "Well, I really disagree with his parenting and also with the way he keeps his home generally, so I guess I'll move in.  This will be great!"  Because there ARE lots of men who don't have kids.  And if they do have kids, and parenting and cleanliness is important to you, maybe trying to find a good match in that area should have been a priority.  You did this to yourself.  [/quote]

Well good for you that you managed to find someone childless to marry while you were still young even to have your own biological kids! That didn’t happen to me. Not everyone is they lucky. And you clearly have never been in the forty and up dating market so you have no idea what you are talking about. You are so smug, I hope your husband cheats and divorces you and you get your snug come uppance. [/quote]

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