Is $200K A Negative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know women that looked for high earning spouses and they got them. The problem, they are miserable as their husbands don’t treat them like equals, have cheated on them, work late for.... If money is your first priority in a partner, you’ll regret it.

Trust me, spouse doesn’t treat you as equal just because you didn’t look at his paycheck. You will regret either way.

Um, what? Can you explain your point a different way. It’s confusing

I’m pretty sure what PP means is lower income men can be just as horrible as high income men when it comes to truly sharing the domestic burden.

Ok, but higher income men have more choices and options to cheat with travel etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know women that looked for high earning spouses and they got them. The problem, they are miserable as their husbands don’t treat them like equals, have cheated on them, work late for.... If money is your first priority in a partner, you’ll regret it.

Trust me, spouse doesn’t treat you as equal just because you didn’t look at his paycheck. You will regret either way.

Um, what? Can you explain your point a different way. It’s confusing

I’m pretty sure what PP means is lower income men can be just as horrible as high income men when it comes to truly sharing the domestic burden.

Ok, but higher income men have more choices and options to cheat with travel etc

Lower income men have daily option of not doing their share of housework and belittle you for that new job offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200K is pretty much my minimum for dating a guy seriously but I also make $220K and I have some issues so I figure a guy who can’t even make more than I do has even bigger issues than I do. That said it would be an exception if they were truly excelling at something I respect that’s less lucrative, like they are a research scientist, a successful musician or artist, or a serious journalist.

What do you bring to the table? Your paycheck? Not sure that makes up for your issues, whatever those are.

Just FYI, this is what insecure men say. Don't use that phrase unless you want to sound like one of them.

You didn’t answer the question. $200k per year is her minimum, and she has “issues”. She’s high maintenance in other words. That sounds unpleasant.

Who cares, she’s not on her knee asking you to bestow her upon your holy commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200K is pretty much my minimum for dating a guy seriously but I also make $220K and I have some issues so I figure a guy who can’t even make more than I do has even bigger issues than I do. That said it would be an exception if they were truly excelling at something I respect that’s less lucrative, like they are a research scientist, a successful musician or artist, or a serious journalist.

What do you bring to the table? Your paycheck? Not sure that makes up for your issues, whatever those are.

Just FYI, this is what insecure men say. Don't use that phrase unless you want to sound like one of them.

It’s valid. Many women want so much but have so little to offer.

Then live without them? No one is forcing you to do anything. It seems to me that modern men get way more out of marriage than women do (typically similar incomes to their husbands, all the childbearing, all the unpaid domestic work that they do far more of than men) but if you don’t agree stay a bachelor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$200K is pretty much my minimum for dating a guy seriously but I also make $220K and I have some issues so I figure a guy who can’t even make more than I do has even bigger issues than I do. That said it would be an exception if they were truly excelling at something I respect that’s less lucrative, like they are a research scientist, a successful musician or artist, or a serious journalist.

What do you bring to the table? Your paycheck? Not sure that makes up for your issues, whatever those are.

Just FYI, this is what insecure men say. Don't use that phrase unless you want to sound like one of them.

It’s valid. Many women want so much but have so little to offer.

Then live without them? No one is forcing you to do anything. It seems to me that modern men get way more out of marriage than women do (typically similar incomes to their husbands, all the childbearing, all the unpaid domestic work that they do far more of than men) but if you don’t agree stay a bachelor.

So odd, it’s completely irrelevant what “many women” have to offer, in the end of the day he can only get one, just make sure to choose one out of a different pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. A Man is not a plan. This board is nuts. I’ve been a
SAHM and it’s hard work! Juggling career and family is hard but it’s nice to have choices and decide as a family. If you are attracting women who only want a 200+ man, you need to swipe differently. I am teaching my girls to be able to fend for themselves. Your husband could have an affair, Health issues, a hidden secret, or god forbid dies!

A man is not a plan, but a man can be either a hindrance or a help to a plan. If a woman’s plan is to work, have a nice house in the DC area (even just inside the beltway…) and put her kids through college without crippling debt, this man could be part of her plan. If a woman plans to stay home but has the same plans for her home and her children education, this man is not the right person to help that plan along.

[Anonymous]

$200k is not a dealbreaker if the guy supports me having a career. That means he cannot be working 80 hours a week and expect me to both work and deal with all things child and home related. He needs to have flexibility and willingness to pitch in for 50/50 or thereabouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$200k is not a dealbreaker if the guy supports me having a career. That means he cannot be working 80 hours a week and expect me to both work and deal with all things child and home related. He needs to have flexibility and willingness to pitch in for 50/50 or thereabouts.

Or they say they support you but end up “working 80 hours” to avoid household responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$200k is not a dealbreaker if the guy supports me having a career. That means he cannot be working 80 hours a week and expect me to both work and deal with all things child and home related. He needs to have flexibility and willingness to pitch in for 50/50 or thereabouts.

Ah, in that case you’ll grit your teeth and look past his meager take-home pay.

[Anonymous]

This thread is gross...a lot of people work hard to get a 200k salary. My husband worked minimum wage when I met him, but we got on great and were very compatible and I earned a decent wage so it didn't matter to me how much he earned but I knew he worked hard. 15 years later he earns a really good salary but it was certainly not a dealbreaker when I first met him.. Any person who would discount someone for making less than $200k is a trashy gold digger.

[Anonymous]

This is such a ridiculous forum. Everyone needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you making $200k and topped out? Or are you making $200k and have potential to be making $400k in a few years?

Also, do you expect to do 50% of the household work? Do you expect to date women making $200k or women making $85k?

You could be a catch, either as potential for someone who wants to SAH once you’re making more and is willing to put her career on the back burner later OR for someone who is driven who you are willing to be a team player with, go 50-50, and have an HHI closer to $500k and outsource more.

You also might not be a catch if you’re going to expect someone to be impressed with $200k in this area and/or sideline their own career and live on a $200k HHI here.

OP here. I live VA right outside of DC. There is potential for my salary to grow but I won’t ever make more than $250k in my field. I don’t have any expectations regarding a woman’s income. I don’t expect her to stay at home or put my career first. That’s up to her ahh if it makes sense financially down the road. A good buddy of mine has a super career driven wife who was adamant she will always work and then she quit after working PT for 6 months to raise her two boys until they go to school. Anything can happen and I don’t think that decision can be made until kids are here.

I don’t expect anyone to be impressed with my salary. The whole point of the thread was me being worried I wouldn’t make enough to attract a woman is this area.

NP here. While it’s good to be flexible you also need to be honest with yourself about your preferences. Are you comfortable being the sole breadwinner with a family with 2 or 3 kids? Are you willing to change your job or the position at your company if it’s not family friendly? Are you willing to change jobs if you need one that earns more money? Do you want to be hands-on with the kids even when they are young and a lot of work? When you have kids, it changes you and your life in a way that IMO is hard to imagine before it happens. Personally, I’ve found once you’ve gotten above a certain salary which you need to be self supporting without roommates in this area, it’s about having a common vision of life and what each person is willing to sacrifice/take on to work towards that common vision. Depending on that vision of the future, 200K might be more than enough, or it might not be enough for example if you want to live close-in and buy a SFH in NWDC right now without a lot of savings/down payment and have the option for your spouse to SAH. But it might be fine if both of you are willing to move further out, be in a smaller space, both continue to work etc.

As far as both working and what might happen in the future once there are kids, there is an article in HBR about dual income couples https://hbr.org/2019/09/how-dual-career-couples-make-it-work. One of the key take away is it not strictly a financial or logistical decision about careers and division of labor - it’s also about the emotions, fears, what you value etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous forum. Everyone needs to grow up.

I doubt some of the people on this thread, including OP, are being serious or telling the truth about their incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous forum. Everyone needs to grow up.

Part of growing up is realizing that after college, when you’re no longer living off the bank of mom and dad, life is expensive. In this area especially having a pretty basic life (house, non-brutal commute, kids with paid college) costs more than what the OP makes. So many people are miserable because they just assume the money will work out, and maybe in some places it will, but around here the bottom line matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know women that looked for high earning spouses and they got them. The problem, they are miserable as their husbands don’t treat them like equals, have cheated on them, work late for.... If money is your first priority in a partner, you’ll regret it.

Trust me, spouse doesn’t treat you as equal just because you didn’t look at his paycheck. You will regret either way.

Um, what? Can you explain your point a different way. It’s confusing

I’m pretty sure what PP means is lower income men can be just as horrible as high income men when it comes to truly sharing the domestic burden.

Ok, but higher income men have more choices and options to cheat with travel etc

Are you joking? Do you know how much tail cops, plumbers, electricians, mechanics, contractors, etc. have thrown at them every day?