Divorce with kids - do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who think stigma is 100% bad in all cases don't understand human nature and the importance of cultural norms. Stop stigmatizing everything and see where it gets you.

It's okay for divorce when you have children to be viewed negatively. It's freakin' negative.

I disagree. The stigma hurts kids.

These discussions always seem to overlook the fact that there are plenty of unhealthy and dangerous marriages that hurt kids too. It’s all a crapshoot.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who think stigma is 100% bad in all cases don't understand human nature and the importance of cultural norms. Stop stigmatizing everything and see where it gets you.

It's okay for divorce when you have children to be viewed negatively. It's freakin' negative.

I disagree. The stigma hurts kids.

These discussions always seem to overlook the fact that there are plenty of unhealthy and dangerous marriages that hurt kids too. It’s all a crapshoot.

I’m an adult and the stigma hurts me. I didn’t quit. I was a good spouse. I know what it takes to make a marriage work. I tried hard to make it work. My spouse refused to meet me halfway. He didn’t want to try to improve our marriage. He wanted to live like a bachelor. And it’s not that I made a poor choice when I married him. He was loving and very positive toward me and our relationship. He was mature and responsible and faithful. We were happily married for the better part of a decade before we had kids. When we had children, he was super hands on and involved. He was truly an equal partner in child rearing.

I couldn’t have predicted that another decade later he would have a midlife crisis and do a complete 180. He lost interest in me, and even worse, our kids. He wanted to hang out with twenty-somethings. He wanted to go out and have fun after work instead of coming home. He wanted to date younger women and fall in love again.

You can’t force someone to stay with you. My husband was the quitter. He was the one who prioritized fun over an intact family. I really resent being regarded the same way he is just because we both fall into the category of “divorced.” We’re now polar opposites. I shouldn’t have to bear the same stigma. I stayed. I kept my marriage vows. I’m stable. I put my kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody ever admits that they regret it. If the impact on children is bad, they are in denial about it.

No regrets at all. My kids are fine. Minimal impact of divorce. It is not really a big deal unless people are immature and have a disaster of a divorce. If finances are maintained and parents are civil and coparent fine, divorce is not a big deal. Regret not doing it sooner.

See, that's what people say when they are in denial. Are some kids fine? Sure. But not as many as divorced people would have us believe.

No one is in denial. My kids have an infinitely better childhood than I had with miserably married parents. Had almost no impact on them at all. No financial impact, no moving, we are flexible in seeing them, 50/50 custody and not strict about days, no fighting, same neighborhood, same schools, same college fund, same retirement account. Lived as separate in the house years before divorce as well as separate holidays with our families...there has literally been almost zero impact...except they got an extra house 6 minutes away.

If they complain in the future, honestly, I am going to say "Cry me a river." I had an awful childhood despite the appearance that everything was fine. It was awful. My kids have two parents who love them who are not married. They lost nothing except us under the same roof. Hardly the end of the world.

While it seems you had a “good divorce” the bolded makes me question you and your parenting. Just because kids aren’t in an abusive situation (which I would assume you were) doesn’t mean they won’t question things and may need counseling to deal. It’s sad that you are that unavailable to their thoughts

Stop assuming divorce is the worst. My kids are likely better off than yours. There is nothing to question. It was obvious it was not a normal marriage. We coparent fine. Most people are too emotionally immature to handle that.

Nope nothing to question here. I'm going to bet you were never able to question your parents and were given little sympathy growing up.
Good luck to you!

I did question my parents: I asked then to divorce when I was 8. They did not due to custody favoring the mother then and the stigma of divorce. It was a very bad childhood growing up with parents who clearly despised each other. I was not normalizing or repeating that pattern when I found myself in the same situation (but admittedly, I was pressured to marry and everyone said my doubts were wrong—they were not.) I won’t do that to my kids either. My kids are perfectly happy and fine with the divorce and don’t feel they “lost” anything—because they told me. So, you can remain on your high judgemental horse, which is completely wrong. The ridiculous “stigma” and assumptions has got to go. I got out of a bad (marriage) contract. That is it. Kids are fine with two parents and almost no change in their lives.

Right, I'm sure they told you the truth. They definitely weren't placating you because you'd act like a nut and refuse to accept their actual opinions if you were willing to hear them.

Thank you for providing a perfect illustration of a parent in denial of the impact of divorce.

It was the first time they brought emotions up. I did not ask. Kid literally said: “I am not sad. I did not lose anything.” But keep up your tragic divorce stigma…

I say this kindly: people who are secure in their choices and decisions don't feel the need to spend great amounts of time arguing with strangers on the internet about them. I would try to examine why this is triggering for you.

I am trying to reduce the stigma of divorce. Why married people think that they are superior infuriates me. You continue to perpetuate an idea of divorce that is not always the case.

1. You have no idea what my situation is
2. You can reduce the stigma of divorce by BEING HONEST, which you are choosing not to be. Pretending everything is exactly the same is just factually incorrect, so why should we take your word on anything?

What part of one thing changed do you not understand. My kids got an extra house. There literally is nothing different for them. I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing dead I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing did for them. Not really. Normal is relative and so is change stop assuming that there was a massive change just because there was a divorce it literally is a legal piece of paper. Yes there are two houses with the interactions in the houses are exactly the same as before because we live separately in the same house for the entire marriage there are no memories of us doing stuff together we’re having dinner together we’re going to family stuff together we did all of that separately. I did all the parenting until a certain age and then he chipped in so by the time we were divorced they were used to us being completely separate because they have no memory of us even sharing a room together so stop making assumptions about other peoples divorces! Have the same amount of time and the same amount of money we just have two houses six minutes apart.

Nothing different? They had 100% of their time with both parents, now they have to shuffle back and forth. They will have to split holidays when they are older. They will have to explain to future partners their parents are married. They will potentially have step parents and step siblings. There are now two households, so less money. On and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who think stigma is 100% bad in all cases don't understand human nature and the importance of cultural norms. Stop stigmatizing everything and see where it gets you.

It's okay for divorce when you have children to be viewed negatively. It's freakin' negative.

I disagree. The stigma hurts kids.

These discussions always seem to overlook the fact that there are plenty of unhealthy and dangerous marriages that hurt kids too. It’s all a crapshoot.

I’m an adult and the stigma hurts me. I didn’t quit. I was a good spouse. I know what it takes to make a marriage work. I tried hard to make it work. My spouse refused to meet me halfway. He didn’t want to try to improve our marriage. He wanted to live like a bachelor. And it’s not that I made a poor choice when I married him. He was loving and very positive toward me and our relationship. He was mature and responsible and faithful. We were happily married for the better part of a decade before we had kids. When we had children, he was super hands on and involved. He was truly an equal partner in child rearing.

I couldn’t have predicted that another decade later he would have a midlife crisis and do a complete 180. He lost interest in me, and even worse, our kids. He wanted to hang out with twenty-somethings. He wanted to go out and have fun after work instead of coming home. He wanted to date younger women and fall in love again.

You can’t force someone to stay with you. My husband was the quitter. He was the one who prioritized fun over an intact family. I really resent being regarded the same way he is just because we both fall into the category of “divorced.” We’re now polar opposites. I shouldn’t have to bear the same stigma. I stayed. I kept my marriage vows. I’m stable. I put my kids first.

Same here. I really wish there was more research on midlife crisis for both genders. There's obviously some need that arises for some people mid life that is unresolved from childhood and creates havoc on society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Do you and your spouse spend every Holiday together with the kids?

We have done separate holidays with our own families except birthday since age 2. Nothing changed. My parents did it that way (married): we got equal time with both families. When families live far away it is better to do separately on different days so no one misses the holidays. Holidays are not a big deal anyway - you can choose a different date to celebrate. Kids birthdays always together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who think stigma is 100% bad in all cases don't understand human nature and the importance of cultural norms. Stop stigmatizing everything and see where it gets you.

It's okay for divorce when you have children to be viewed negatively. It's freakin' negative.

I disagree. The stigma hurts kids.

These discussions always seem to overlook the fact that there are plenty of unhealthy and dangerous marriages that hurt kids too. It’s all a crapshoot.

I’m an adult and the stigma hurts me. I didn’t quit. I was a good spouse. I know what it takes to make a marriage work. I tried hard to make it work. My spouse refused to meet me halfway. He didn’t want to try to improve our marriage. He wanted to live like a bachelor. And it’s not that I made a poor choice when I married him. He was loving and very positive toward me and our relationship. He was mature and responsible and faithful. We were happily married for the better part of a decade before we had kids. When we had children, he was super hands on and involved. He was truly an equal partner in child rearing.

I couldn’t have predicted that another decade later he would have a midlife crisis and do a complete 180. He lost interest in me, and even worse, our kids. He wanted to hang out with twenty-somethings. He wanted to go out and have fun after work instead of coming home. He wanted to date younger women and fall in love again.

You can’t force someone to stay with you. My husband was the quitter. He was the one who prioritized fun over an intact family. I really resent being regarded the same way he is just because we both fall into the category of “divorced.” We’re now polar opposites. I shouldn’t have to bear the same stigma. I stayed. I kept my marriage vows. I’m stable. I put my kids first.

Same here. I really wish there was more research on midlife crisis for both genders. There's obviously some need that arises for some people mid life that is unresolved from childhood and creates havoc on society.

Miranda is the classic example on 'And Just Like That'. She is acting like such an idiot, a 13-year old and so, so selfish, non-empathetic and careless. It's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody ever admits that they regret it. If the impact on children is bad, they are in denial about it.

No regrets at all. My kids are fine. Minimal impact of divorce. It is not really a big deal unless people are immature and have a disaster of a divorce. If finances are maintained and parents are civil and coparent fine, divorce is not a big deal. Regret not doing it sooner.

See, that's what people say when they are in denial. Are some kids fine? Sure. But not as many as divorced people would have us believe.

No one is in denial. My kids have an infinitely better childhood than I had with miserably married parents. Had almost no impact on them at all. No financial impact, no moving, we are flexible in seeing them, 50/50 custody and not strict about days, no fighting, same neighborhood, same schools, same college fund, same retirement account. Lived as separate in the house years before divorce as well as separate holidays with our families...there has literally been almost zero impact...except they got an extra house 6 minutes away.

If they complain in the future, honestly, I am going to say "Cry me a river." I had an awful childhood despite the appearance that everything was fine. It was awful. My kids have two parents who love them who are not married. They lost nothing except us under the same roof. Hardly the end of the world.

While it seems you had a “good divorce” the bolded makes me question you and your parenting. Just because kids aren’t in an abusive situation (which I would assume you were) doesn’t mean they won’t question things and may need counseling to deal. It’s sad that you are that unavailable to their thoughts

Stop assuming divorce is the worst. My kids are likely better off than yours. There is nothing to question. It was obvious it was not a normal marriage. We coparent fine. Most people are too emotionally immature to handle that.

Nope nothing to question here. I'm going to bet you were never able to question your parents and were given little sympathy growing up.
Good luck to you!

I did question my parents: I asked then to divorce when I was 8. They did not due to custody favoring the mother then and the stigma of divorce. It was a very bad childhood growing up with parents who clearly despised each other. I was not normalizing or repeating that pattern when I found myself in the same situation (but admittedly, I was pressured to marry and everyone said my doubts were wrong—they were not.) I won’t do that to my kids either. My kids are perfectly happy and fine with the divorce and don’t feel they “lost” anything—because they told me. So, you can remain on your high judgemental horse, which is completely wrong. The ridiculous “stigma” and assumptions has got to go. I got out of a bad (marriage) contract. That is it. Kids are fine with two parents and almost no change in their lives.

Right, I'm sure they told you the truth. They definitely weren't placating you because you'd act like a nut and refuse to accept their actual opinions if you were willing to hear them.

Thank you for providing a perfect illustration of a parent in denial of the impact of divorce.

It was the first time they brought emotions up. I did not ask. Kid literally said: “I am not sad. I did not lose anything.” But keep up your tragic divorce stigma…

I say this kindly: people who are secure in their choices and decisions don't feel the need to spend great amounts of time arguing with strangers on the internet about them. I would try to examine why this is triggering for you.

I am trying to reduce the stigma of divorce. Why married people think that they are superior infuriates me. You continue to perpetuate an idea of divorce that is not always the case.

1. You have no idea what my situation is
2. You can reduce the stigma of divorce by BEING HONEST, which you are choosing not to be. Pretending everything is exactly the same is just factually incorrect, so why should we take your word on anything?

What part of one thing changed do you not understand. My kids got an extra house. There literally is nothing different for them. I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing dead I said write a list and I’ll tell you what changed because nothing did for them. Not really. Normal is relative and so is change stop assuming that there was a massive change just because there was a divorce it literally is a legal piece of paper. Yes there are two houses with the interactions in the houses are exactly the same as before because we live separately in the same house for the entire marriage there are no memories of us doing stuff together we’re having dinner together we’re going to family stuff together we did all of that separately. I did all the parenting until a certain age and then he chipped in so by the time we were divorced they were used to us being completely separate because they have no memory of us even sharing a room together so stop making assumptions about other peoples divorces! Have the same amount of time and the same amount of money we just have two houses six minutes apart.

Nothing different? They had 100% of their time with both parents, now they have to shuffle back and forth. They will have to split holidays when they are older. They will have to explain to future partners their parents are married. They will potentially have step parents and step siblings. There are now two households, so less money. On and on.

No. They had about half the time with each of us married in the same house. We were never in the same room. Ever. We both work. The only difference is that instead of me being in the guest room, I have a house now nearby and they have two houses. Shuffling back and forth 6 minutes is not a big deal. Same school. There is not less money. We maintained our standard of living. We always lived below our means. We both worked. Our money is split--the same as before. Our savings rate is the same. There is actually more money because I got a better job. There will not be stepparents or stepsiblings. We don't agree with remarrying and only a 1% chance that would happen. No one is having another kid. Early and mid-40s. Again, the same as before--just being honest about it instead of pretending. "My parents are divorced" is not hard to explain. And hopefully by that point, IF they marry (which I don't think they even should), I would hope this ridiculous stigma of divorce as if it is horrible is finally dissapated. We made a mistake getting married. We were not compatible. We are still good parents and coparent okay like coworkers. That is not hard to explain or horrible in any way when they are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who think stigma is 100% bad in all cases don't understand human nature and the importance of cultural norms. Stop stigmatizing everything and see where it gets you.

It's okay for divorce when you have children to be viewed negatively. It's freakin' negative.

I disagree. The stigma hurts kids.

These discussions always seem to overlook the fact that there are plenty of unhealthy and dangerous marriages that hurt kids too. It’s all a crapshoot.

I’m an adult and the stigma hurts me. I didn’t quit. I was a good spouse. I know what it takes to make a marriage work. I tried hard to make it work. My spouse refused to meet me halfway. He didn’t want to try to improve our marriage. He wanted to live like a bachelor. And it’s not that I made a poor choice when I married him. He was loving and very positive toward me and our relationship. He was mature and responsible and faithful. We were happily married for the better part of a decade before we had kids. When we had children, he was super hands on and involved. He was truly an equal partner in child rearing.

I couldn’t have predicted that another decade later he would have a midlife crisis and do a complete 180. He lost interest in me, and even worse, our kids. He wanted to hang out with twenty-somethings. He wanted to go out and have fun after work instead of coming home. He wanted to date younger women and fall in love again.

You can’t force someone to stay with you. My husband was the quitter. He was the one who prioritized fun over an intact family. I really resent being regarded the same way he is just because we both fall into the category of “divorced.” We’re now polar opposites. I shouldn’t have to bear the same stigma. I stayed. I kept my marriage vows. I’m stable. I put my kids first.

I'm sorry for what you went through, but I don't think it's realistic that there wouldn't be a stigma. And nuts like the PP who insist her children have lost literally nothing are only perpetuating it with their denial and bizarre behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

You are still seeming rather crazy to me. Do your children not go to their father's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

If there is no difference to your children in the before and after, I feel sorry for them. Both the situations you outlined suck. Your clinical coldness only makes it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

You are still seeming rather crazy to me. Do your children not go to their father's house?

OMG. There are two houses. 50/50. We see the kids just as much. The same as before--separately. Same in marriage. Same in divorce. One change: an extra house. EVERYTHING else is exactly the same. (literally, I set up both houses exactly the same. same routines...only difference is where parents sleep...I have a house rather than a guest room, which I had since before second was even born). Everyone assumes all marriages are some lovey dovey fairytale so every divorce must be a horrible disaster. Not. My marriage was a legal contract and nothing more. My divorce is a lack of a legal contract and nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

If there is no difference to your children in the before and after, I feel sorry for them. Both the situations you outlined suck. Your clinical coldness only makes it worse.

Hence, a divorce was necessary. It was not a good marriage model. No longer lying about it to the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

If there is no difference to your children in the before and after, I feel sorry for them. Both the situations you outlined suck. Your clinical coldness only makes it worse.

I am logical. Which is preferable to people who have disastrous divorces because they are overly emotional. There is nothing cold about being matter-of-fact. My marital status is irrelevant and does not impact my kids quality of life. They are just as well off as any of their peers regardless of whether their parents are married or not. In my zip code, only 1% of people are divorced. So, guess what? They are in the same situation as every other kid around them except they have two houses instead of one. Better to be honest that our marriage not normal than stay in it for the sake of being married. We are proving that it does not freaking matter. Many other countries have parents who are not even married. Literally does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My point and posting is to make people understand that all the terrible things people say happen in divorce do not necessarily happen in divorce because in my scenario almost nothing changed for my kids. There’s none of the terrible things that people say they’re always are and that was my point. Mom and dad sleep in two different household that’s the only thing that’s different. Same school same schedule same college savings and retirement accounts savings same holiday schedule and on and on and on. Parents don’t spend any time together just like the marriage. No change. I don’t think marital status and counts as much as people think it is because I really think it’s just the parenting and the legally married status is completely irrelevant. Sorry for those if you have emotionally mature spouses who can’t handle being logical and keeping things as close to possible as it was in the marriage after a divorce it took us a few years to do it this way but it’s completely fine. Unfortunately, I do have to tell my kids this is not like most divorces.

Your children lost the privilege of living in one house with their parents. They lost time with their parents. If you made a bad decision about who to have children with and your marriage was really that bad, I'm sorry for you and your children. But I really don't understand how you can operate two homes rather than one without a financial impact. And I'm really perplexed that you say the holiday schedule has not changed.

What about the few years in which you were not doing it "this way"? Those years were part of your children's childhood too, and whatever they missed out on or lost during those years can't be gotten back. That time is gone.

Nothing is different in the house at all between marriage and divorce. Imagine living separate lives being married. That is how it was. It was never any different. I don't agree with time lost. I work. I see them as much as before.

You are still seeming rather crazy to me. Do your children not go to their father's house?

And not crazy. You just can't understand that divorce does not fit your stereotype. It's not the 1980s.