Seeing Married Men in Your Circle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

And the friendship of those wives’ friends, as most women would drop someone who screwed their friend’s husband.

Forget friendship. If I knew you were sleeping with a neighbor’s husband I would stay away from BOTH families. I do not invite drama in my life and even if our kids were friends, I would low key try to discourage the relationship through attrition, basically being “busy” for play dates and avoiding when possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

And the friendship of those wives’ friends, as most women would drop someone who screwed their friend’s husband.

Forget friendship. If I knew you were sleeping with a neighbor’s husband I would stay away from BOTH families. I do not invite drama in my life and even if our kids were friends, I would low key try to discourage the relationship through attrition, basically being “busy” for play dates and avoiding when possible.

And that is why it’s so isolating for betrayed spouses. They lose friends and become a pariah through nothing that they did. It’s supremely unfair that they carry that shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lawyers are great for this. get a lawyer (married or not) that is NOT in your circle. Those flirty husbands that you think you know...these creeps are a HUGE red flag. Do NOT go there.

This

Why are layers great for this?

[Anonymous]

^^ OP, I know it may be hard, but take a look at that prior post and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for just a few minutes here. You are focused on you right now - getting the kind of attention that you want from the kind of guy that suits you at this moment. The problem is that what you want (or think you want) will have catastrophic impact on others around you, and even on you if you think about it. Save for a few moments of gratification, no good can come from you running around with married men. (Yes, I noticed you said “men” in the plural, not even just one guy.) You are better than this; your kids are better than this; your friend circle is better than this. You have the chance right now to stop the nonsense, get your house in order, be a good parent to your kids, be a good friend to others, and live a life where you can hold your head up and be proud of how you conduct your life. I personally think the best thing you can be is a good role model for your kids and a trustworthy friend to others. What you are contemplating is the opposite of that and will not serve you. Good luck and hope you make the right decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

And the friendship of those wives’ friends, as most women would drop someone who screwed their friend’s husband.

Forget friendship. If I knew you were sleeping with a neighbor’s husband I would stay away from BOTH families. I do not invite drama in my life and even if our kids were friends, I would low key try to discourage the relationship through attrition, basically being “busy” for play dates and avoiding when possible.

And that is why it’s so isolating for betrayed spouses. They lose friends and become a pariah through nothing that they did. It’s supremely unfair that they carry that shame.

A lot of people rallied around the betrayed spouses in our town, not everyone avoided them as pp said. Maybe distant acquaintances or something, but friends were there...for both couples actually which of course included the two who cheated. Their children were the very best friends of ours, there was no way we felt we were going to or wanted to remove our children from their friends, we never said a word to our children about what happened, fifteen years later, they still don't seem to consciously know and they are all still friends. (maybe once a few years ago my daughter asked about tension between the two families way back, why child of x family no longer did sleepovers at y family, that kind of thing. I just said i did not know and it was really their own business not ours, but I knew it was hard for them ). Both couples are still together though again, one moved away. (And never kept in touch). Which I guess I understand.

[Anonymous]

And I will add that the spouse (male) in our group who forgave his wife felt like he got a lot of backlash and judgment for forgiving and staying and that she, his wife, was getting a far worse degree of judgment that the guy (his close friend sadly) she cheated with. Probably true.

[Anonymous]

The scarlet letter treatment lives on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The scarlet letter treatment lives on.

You might want to factor that into your risk analysis op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP, I know it may be hard, but take a look at that prior post and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for just a few minutes here. You are focused on you right now - getting the kind of attention that you want from the kind of guy that suits you at this moment. The problem is that what you want (or think you want) will have catastrophic impact on others around you, and even on you if you think about it. Save for a few moments of gratification, no good can come from you running around with married men. (Yes, I noticed you said “men” in the plural, not even just one guy.) You are better than this; your kids are better than this; your friend circle is better than this. You have the chance right now to stop the nonsense, get your house in order, be a good parent to your kids, be a good friend to others, and live a life where you can hold your head up and be proud of how you conduct your life. I personally think the best thing you can be is a good role model for your kids and a trustworthy friend to others. What you are contemplating is the opposite of that and will not serve you. Good luck and hope you make the right decisions.

Maybe she isn’t better. Maybe she is that type of cheater that has always been supremely selfish, blameless and lacking empathy and morals. Self-righteous and passive aggressive. These type of cheating women and men certainly aren’t in short supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I will add that the spouse (male) in our group who forgave his wife felt like he got a lot of backlash and judgment for forgiving and staying and that she, his wife, was getting a far worse degree of judgment that the guy (his close friend sadly) she cheated with. Probably true.

People always denigrate the betrayed if they choose to reconcile with their spouse. Beyoncé, Hillary, etc., have all written and talked about this. It’s truly awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP, I know it may be hard, but take a look at that prior post and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for just a few minutes here. You are focused on you right now - getting the kind of attention that you want from the kind of guy that suits you at this moment. The problem is that what you want (or think you want) will have catastrophic impact on others around you, and even on you if you think about it. Save for a few moments of gratification, no good can come from you running around with married men. (Yes, I noticed you said “men” in the plural, not even just one guy.) You are better than this; your kids are better than this; your friend circle is better than this. You have the chance right now to stop the nonsense, get your house in order, be a good parent to your kids, be a good friend to others, and live a life where you can hold your head up and be proud of how you conduct your life. I personally think the best thing you can be is a good role model for your kids and a trustworthy friend to others. What you are contemplating is the opposite of that and will not serve you. Good luck and hope you make the right decisions.

Maybe she isn’t better. Maybe she is that type of cheater that has always been supremely selfish, blameless and lacking empathy and morals. Self-righteous and passive aggressive. These type of cheating women and men certainly aren’t in short supply.

I think there is hope for OP. If what she’s saying is true, she hasn’t acted (yet) on the “chemistry.” She probably is going through a tough time with her separation, and now the holidays, and seeing what others have that she does not have at present. The holidays can be tough, plus the Covid scare on top of everything. It’s no wonder OP might be eager for affection from someone familiar, and who seems to be expressing some interest in her.

But OP make no mistake - cheating men have a “type,” and that type is the desperate woman whose circumstances make it unlikely she will spill the beans on him. You being in the friend circle makes it unlikely you’d spill the beans, so you are more of a safe bet for the cheater. This is NOT a good thing. This is not a compliment. Do not, in your moment of weakness, set yourself up to be somebody’s side piece. Again, you are better than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP, I know it may be hard, but take a look at that prior post and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for just a few minutes here. You are focused on you right now - getting the kind of attention that you want from the kind of guy that suits you at this moment. The problem is that what you want (or think you want) will have catastrophic impact on others around you, and even on you if you think about it. Save for a few moments of gratification, no good can come from you running around with married men. (Yes, I noticed you said “men” in the plural, not even just one guy.) You are better than this; your kids are better than this; your friend circle is better than this. You have the chance right now to stop the nonsense, get your house in order, be a good parent to your kids, be a good friend to others, and live a life where you can hold your head up and be proud of how you conduct your life. I personally think the best thing you can be is a good role model for your kids and a trustworthy friend to others. What you are contemplating is the opposite of that and will not serve you. Good luck and hope you make the right decisions.

Maybe she isn’t better. Maybe she is that type of cheater that has always been supremely selfish, blameless and lacking empathy and morals. Self-righteous and passive aggressive. These type of cheating women and men certainly aren’t in short supply.

I think there is hope for OP. If what she’s saying is true, she hasn’t acted (yet) on the “chemistry.” She probably is going through a tough time with her separation, and now the holidays, and seeing what others have that she does not have at present. The holidays can be tough, plus the Covid scare on top of everything. It’s no wonder OP might be eager for affection from someone familiar, and who seems to be expressing some interest in her.

But OP make no mistake - cheating men have a “type,” and that type is the desperate woman whose circumstances make it unlikely she will spill the beans on him. You being in the friend circle makes it unlikely you’d spill the beans, so you are more of a safe bet for the cheater. This is NOT a good thing. This is not a compliment. Do not, in your moment of weakness, set yourself up to be somebody’s side piece. Again, you are better than that.

That’s the entire premise of Ashley Madison. Though these idiots don’t see it also is a bigger implosion since two families are blown apart instead of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

Check out Pine Tree Associates in Annapolis, as a single woman you’d be welcomed to visit. Once there you would have a ‘buffet’ of eligible suitors that would be happy to fulfill your need for affection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ OP, I know it may be hard, but take a look at that prior post and try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for just a few minutes here. You are focused on you right now - getting the kind of attention that you want from the kind of guy that suits you at this moment. The problem is that what you want (or think you want) will have catastrophic impact on others around you, and even on you if you think about it. Save for a few moments of gratification, no good can come from you running around with married men. (Yes, I noticed you said “men” in the plural, not even just one guy.) You are better than this; your kids are better than this; your friend circle is better than this. You have the chance right now to stop the nonsense, get your house in order, be a good parent to your kids, be a good friend to others, and live a life where you can hold your head up and be proud of how you conduct your life. I personally think the best thing you can be is a good role model for your kids and a trustworthy friend to others. What you are contemplating is the opposite of that and will not serve you. Good luck and hope you make the right decisions.

Maybe she isn’t better. Maybe she is that type of cheater that has always been supremely selfish, blameless and lacking empathy and morals. Self-righteous and passive aggressive. These type of cheating women and men certainly aren’t in short supply.

+1. No, they are not in short supply, indeed. They are the ones that think cheating (and hence excessive lying to those that trust them) makes them a better person/spouse/parent in their absolute delusion. It’s a very myopic, selfish outlook and totally lacking in empathy.

[Anonymous]

Dont do this OP.

This happened in our friend circle and it caused so much pain all around. The kids suffered too.

A friend who got divorced had an affair with another friend's husband. Their families are quite close. They have dinner/lunch at least once a week and their kids are good friends. It caused so much pain.