Seeing Married Men in Your Circle

[Anonymous]

Gross, OP.

It's people like you that make it hard for people like me (divorced woman) to have normal friendships. You are the reason I never call married men, even for something aodyne like borrowing a tool or arranging carpool logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister slept with her son's married soccer coach for about 5 months after her separation. Then it was just over. No blow up, no hard feelings, literally nothing was found out at all.

This was in Old Town (I mention it because it's incredibly gossipy) about 4 years ago. If she could do that there, anyone can.

Sure you can do it op....just at your own profound risk. And don't be surprised if you are discovered. The denial thing cheaters have, the belief that no one will find out, is extremely prevalent and a common fault line in affairs. People have a way of finding out. That's the reality. It's very hard to not reveal unconsciously in your body language, voice, gestures, etc a strong sexual connection with another person in the room. People sense it.. Especially among a large group where at least one person will be particularly intuitive and observant, but the odds are even more than one will sense it. A few probably already have sensed what you are doing. The unconscious is a powerful thing.

True. And OP, do you know who else will figure it out, much better than you think they will? Your kids. You say they are 10 and 13. Wow. Perfect ages to be thoroughly screwed up when they even suspect mom is having sex with their friends' dad. If you want to alienate and disgust your children, create drama for which they won't forgive you, and make them eager for the day they head away from you to college -- screwing around with married men in your family's "circle" is a perfect way to do that. If you think your kids won't know, are unobservant, won't care if they do know...you know nothing about kids that age.

OP, is this really "only" for sex you're considering this, or for "affection" or more likely some combination? Purely sexual gratification, you can take care of by yourself, to be blunt; if you want affection and affirmation -- that's why you need to cool your jets, learn to wait, and get therapy before you start any form of new relationship, even casual hookups, because neediness like that is NOT fixed by...casual hookups.

I’m not OP. I am however someone who has “neediness like that,” and I don’t think it’s pathological. Isn’t it normal to crave the feeling of loving and being loved?

The need is normal. The choice to try to fulfill that need by hurting others' marriages and families may be "normal" to some on this forum but it is not right.

And when one is so needy that one is blind to all potential consequences of reaching out to a married person for an affair, even if it's "just" sex, then one needs to step back, recognize that not all needs should get met immediately, and get therapy or somehow reassess why they'd consider the morally bankrupt choice of helping someone else cheat on a spouse. It'll be just sex for the men OP's talking about, but for her, it'll be a very fleeting way to meet her need for affection, and she'll only end up needier, not fulfilled.

Not OP. I am just wondering how you people who have not been involved in one seem to know and understand so much about affairs and outcomes for the APs? I can see how someone would stumble into this not realizing how it would affect them socially or emotionally when it’s over, but how do you all who have never participated know so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not OP. I am just wondering how you people who have not been involved in one seem to know and understand so much about affairs and outcomes for the APs? I can see how someone would stumble into this not realizing how it would affect them socially or emotionally when it’s over, but how do you all who have never participated know so much?

You can learn from life and from the mistakes of others. People have education, experience and a brain and can figure out cause and effect. Also, most of us have some moral compass. Yours seem to be lacking that. Are you somehow mentally challenged or are you a sociopath?

What an odd comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister slept with her son's married soccer coach for about 5 months after her separation. Then it was just over. No blow up, no hard feelings, literally nothing was found out at all.

This was in Old Town (I mention it because it's incredibly gossipy) about 4 years ago. If she could do that there, anyone can.

Sure you can do it op....just at your own profound risk. And don't be surprised if you are discovered. The denial thing cheaters have, the belief that no one will find out, is extremely prevalent and a common fault line in affairs. People have a way of finding out. That's the reality. It's very hard to not reveal unconsciously in your body language, voice, gestures, etc a strong sexual connection with another person in the room. People sense it.. Especially among a large group where at least one person will be particularly intuitive and observant, but the odds are even more than one will sense it. A few probably already have sensed what you are doing. The unconscious is a powerful thing.

True. And OP, do you know who else will figure it out, much better than you think they will? Your kids. You say they are 10 and 13. Wow. Perfect ages to be thoroughly screwed up when they even suspect mom is having sex with their friends' dad. If you want to alienate and disgust your children, create drama for which they won't forgive you, and make them eager for the day they head away from you to college -- screwing around with married men in your family's "circle" is a perfect way to do that. If you think your kids won't know, are unobservant, won't care if they do know...you know nothing about kids that age.

OP, is this really "only" for sex you're considering this, or for "affection" or more likely some combination? Purely sexual gratification, you can take care of by yourself, to be blunt; if you want affection and affirmation -- that's why you need to cool your jets, learn to wait, and get therapy before you start any form of new relationship, even casual hookups, because neediness like that is NOT fixed by...casual hookups.

I’m not OP. I am however someone who has “neediness like that,” and I don’t think it’s pathological. Isn’t it normal to crave the feeling of loving and being loved?

The need is normal. The choice to try to fulfill that need by hurting others' marriages and families may be "normal" to some on this forum but it is not right.

And when one is so needy that one is blind to all potential consequences of reaching out to a married person for an affair, even if it's "just" sex, then one needs to step back, recognize that not all needs should get met immediately, and get therapy or somehow reassess why they'd consider the morally bankrupt choice of helping someone else cheat on a spouse. It'll be just sex for the men OP's talking about, but for her, it'll be a very fleeting way to meet her need for affection, and she'll only end up needier, not fulfilled.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not OP. I am just wondering how you people who have not been involved in one seem to know and understand so much about affairs and outcomes for the APs? I can see how someone would stumble into this not realizing how it would affect them socially or emotionally when it’s over, but how do you all who have never participated know so much?

You can learn from life and from the mistakes of others. People have education, experience and a brain and can figure out cause and effect. Also, most of us have some moral compass. Yours seem to be lacking that. Are you somehow mentally challenged or are you a sociopath?

What an odd comment.

Yeah. Duh. I have never shot up with heroin, but I can guess how that would end for me. WTF? Stupidity along with selfishness seems to be a common theme with cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

4 years leading up she had serious chemistry with two of the husbands . Give me a break. You are a Ho and I’m sure been shamelessly pouring it on all this time. They know you are easy pickins. They likely will both take a turn, unless they have morals and honor. Otherwise, you deserve them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you value your friendship with the wives of the two men you are considering?

And the friendship of those wives’ friends, as most women would drop someone who screwed their friend’s husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

What is wrong with you? Like we don't have enough problems from men wanting pleasure on demand. So you want to break up another marriage just to bring down everyone to your level? Of course men are flirtatious with other women. Doesn't mean you have to accept the advance. Were you not loved enough by other people? I'm sure not by other women since you treat them like trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister slept with her son's married soccer coach for about 5 months after her separation. Then it was just over. No blow up, no hard feelings, literally nothing was found out at all.

This was in Old Town (I mention it because it's incredibly gossipy) about 4 years ago. If she could do that there, anyone can.

Sure you can do it op....just at your own profound risk. And don't be surprised if you are discovered. The denial thing cheaters have, the belief that no one will find out, is extremely prevalent and a common fault line in affairs. People have a way of finding out. That's the reality. It's very hard to not reveal unconsciously in your body language, voice, gestures, etc a strong sexual connection with another person in the room. People sense it.. Especially among a large group where at least one person will be particularly intuitive and observant, but the odds are even more than one will sense it. A few probably already have sensed what you are doing. The unconscious is a powerful thing.

True. And OP, do you know who else will figure it out, much better than you think they will? Your kids. You say they are 10 and 13. Wow. Perfect ages to be thoroughly screwed up when they even suspect mom is having sex with their friends' dad. If you want to alienate and disgust your children, create drama for which they won't forgive you, and make them eager for the day they head away from you to college -- screwing around with married men in your family's "circle" is a perfect way to do that. If you think your kids won't know, are unobservant, won't care if they do know...you know nothing about kids that age.

OP, is this really "only" for sex you're considering this, or for "affection" or more likely some combination? Purely sexual gratification, you can take care of by yourself, to be blunt; if you want affection and affirmation -- that's why you need to cool your jets, learn to wait, and get therapy before you start any form of new relationship, even casual hookups, because neediness like that is NOT fixed by...casual hookups.

I’m not OP. I am however someone who has “neediness like that,” and I don’t think it’s pathological. Isn’t it normal to crave the feeling of loving and being loved?

The need is normal. The choice to try to fulfill that need by hurting others' marriages and families may be "normal" to some on this forum but it is not right.

And when one is so needy that one is blind to all potential consequences of reaching out to a married person for an affair, even if it's "just" sex, then one needs to step back, recognize that not all needs should get met immediately, and get therapy or somehow reassess why they'd consider the morally bankrupt choice of helping someone else cheat on a spouse. It'll be just sex for the men OP's talking about, but for her, it'll be a very fleeting way to meet her need for affection, and she'll only end up needier, not fulfilled.

Not OP. I am just wondering how you people who have not been involved in one seem to know and understand so much about affairs and outcomes for the APs? I can see how someone would stumble into this not realizing how it would affect them socially or emotionally when it’s over, but how do you all who have never participated know so much?

Do you really think that people outside affairs are blind, deaf and dumb, or that people IN affairs never come to us to vent, cry, complain, tell us they didn't think it would turn out like it did?

Do you really believe people are so very capable of keeping their feelings about their APs (and the APs spouses) to themselves, or between themselves and the AP?

Do you really think we can't figure out for ourselves what a $#itstorm is going on with people around us?

[Anonymous]

Why not consider a threesome with one of the couples, OP? That way you can ask the wife of the h you’re interested in and everything’s in the open. Maybe not for you (or them) but could be worth a shot.

[Anonymous]

Why would you do that? Go hook up with someone on a dating app…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

I love that at the same time we have the Nth thread on how awful men everywhere are we have this delightful thread about a woman trying to seduce the married men she knows.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a very supportive thread towards this women. They are either disgusted or are joking about the situation. I don't see a lot of genuine go for it encouragements.

So the theory that men get all the vitriol here is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose you are separated for 7 months. Eveyone in you and you exes circle knows. For years leading up to the sepration, you had 'chemistry' with two of the other husbands in your circle. Since separation flirting has increased noticeably.

I don't want another husband, but I would like an occasional affectionate partner. If it was kept purely physical and no emotions at all, (I guarantee I can do this) how feasibale is it for the next few months?

I just want some physical intimacy with men I 'know'. I have no interest in hook ups off the internet.

I'm 42, in the DC area, custody of 10-13 YO kids is split and the separation is amicable. I can't be the only one.

Divorced woman here - you are the reason we stop getting invited to dinner parties, etc. I lost a lot of friends because of the stigma that divorcées are man-eaters. I have not/would not ever think about crossing the line with a married man, let alone one in my social circle!