Counselor telling us to end it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Wrong on first point. Call your brokerage account.

Fine on second point.

I meant the courts can’t freeze the accounts. If a bank can, go ahead and do that

Then don’t speak in superlatives and then later back peddle w excuses.
Banks and brokerages literally have a divorce department person that does that all day long. No trades or withdrawals without joint approval and authentications of identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Terrible advice. You'll quickly get a court order initiated by his lawyer to move the assets back and then you will have to come to a short term agreement through your lawyers as to what you can keep in your now separate account.

And the judge will absolutely use your unilateral removal of marital assets as an indicator of your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Terrible advice. You'll quickly get a court order initiated by his lawyer to move the assets back and then you will have to come to a short term agreement through your lawyers as to what you can keep in your now separate account.

And the judge will absolutely use your unilateral removal of marital assets as an indicator of your behavior.

Nothing is done “quickly” - there will be no removal all funds remain joint just at a different account

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Terrible advice. You'll quickly get a court order initiated by his lawyer to move the assets back and then you will have to come to a short term agreement through your lawyers as to what you can keep in your now separate account.

And the judge will absolutely use your unilateral removal of marital assets as an indicator of your behavior.

You live in a divorce phantasy world. The judge will never order moving money from one account to another unless the husband can prove marital waste. Worked with top DC attorneys trying to get my exH freeze accounts. Not possible.

[Anonymous]

OP, let him go. You deserve better. Do get some money from your joint account AND HIRE A LAWYER TODAY!

I’m so sorry. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer. Therapist is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

+1 you want the therapist to force him to engage in an effort to save the marriage. Well, no therapist can do that. This is the biggest gift the therapist ever could have given you.

Also, the house is half yours legally. So don't give him an inch with that nonsense because the judge won't.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband is harping on the fact that the counselor told you to end it in order to get you to blame her, not him. He is doing this on purpose. He wants you stewing over her, while he gets his ducks in a row. This is calculated. Don't fall for it.

He checked out of this marriage a long time ago. And given what you're said about the house, the dog, and health issues, he's a bad guy and he'll leave you ruined if you don't snap out of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

+1 you want the therapist to force him to engage in an effort to save the marriage. Well, no therapist can do that. This is the biggest gift the therapist ever could have given you.

Also, the house is half yours legally. So don't give him an inch with that nonsense because the judge won't.

The house equity during the marriage is half hers. The house was purchased before the marriage so what he put in before the marriage is his. This is not a 50/50 house situation. She needs an attorney so she can determine what portion of the house equity is hers based on the length of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your husband is harping on the fact that the counselor told you to end it in order to get you to blame her, not him. He is doing this on purpose. He wants you stewing over her, while he gets his ducks in a row. This is calculated. Don't fall for it.

He checked out of this marriage a long time ago. And given what you're said about the house, the dog, and health issues, he's a bad guy and he'll leave you ruined if you don't snap out of this.

+1

If he weren't 100.00% committed to leaving the marriage you both would be mad at this counselor for getting it so wrong. He's happy as a clam because he has no interest in working on the marriage.

Also, he's not even following her advice. She told you guys to separate for a few days, but he's looking at apartments, not hotels. So really the therapist has nothing to do with what he's actually doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

+1 you want the therapist to force him to engage in an effort to save the marriage. Well, no therapist can do that. This is the biggest gift the therapist ever could have given you.

Also, the house is half yours legally. So don't give him an inch with that nonsense because the judge won't.

The house equity during the marriage is half hers. The house was purchased before the marriage so what he put in before the marriage is his. This is not a 50/50 house situation. She needs an attorney so she can determine what portion of the house equity is hers based on the length of the marriage.

Given the appreciation of houses in this area, it might not be 50/50, but it's probably 45/55 or even better for OP. He's telling her it's his so he can sell it without her consent. Not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

+1 you want the therapist to force him to engage in an effort to save the marriage. Well, no therapist can do that. This is the biggest gift the therapist ever could have given you.

Also, the house is half yours legally. So don't give him an inch with that nonsense because the judge won't.

The house equity during the marriage is half hers. The house was purchased before the marriage so what he put in before the marriage is his. This is not a 50/50 house situation. She needs an attorney so she can determine what portion of the house equity is hers based on the length of the marriage.

Given the appreciation of houses in this area, it might not be 50/50, but it's probably 45/55 or even better for OP. He's telling her it's his so he can sell it without her consent. Not true.

I never said he could sell it without her consent.
I said she need to find out the equity based on the length of the marriage.
You are completely guessing the percentages. When I divorced, we only owned the house a short period. You have no idea how long they were married so to come up with a percentage is ridiculous. She needs an attorney to help figure that out based on years of marriage and when he put into it when he bought it before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate the advice. Disappointed that he doesn't want to work on our marriage since I feel the majority of the tension comes from having a child with health issues and my own health. He likely spoke with the counselor without me since he found her and booked her and got her to side with him. I just feel betrayed and tricked into counseling when his agenda was to leave. Now he is saying that he is leaving (or kicking me out) because a trained professional told us to separate. The counselor doesn't even know about the health issues, we never got there. We're okay financially but that won't last with double the expenses. He paid for the mortgage but I paid for everything else including all food, groceries and kid activities, but somehow now its not my house.

#1 - lawyer NOW. Seriously. He can't sell the marital home and not buy you out of the marital portion of it. I don't know what the marital portion of it is - I'm not a lawyer, don't practice family law, and have never been divorced (but I have been through a custody battle with an abusive ex).

#2 - he's abusive. You're better off without him, but he'll do everything he can to come out on top. Get a lawyer, and all communication for a while needs to go through the lawyer.

I know it seems like the counselor is "siding with him" - she's not. He's leaving the marriage and using her as his excuse. You don't get to make him work on it. Also, he's a terrible partner so you don't want him anyway. Life will be better on the other side.

Find a therapist just for you. It will be really important to keep your mental health in check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Terrible advice. You'll quickly get a court order initiated by his lawyer to move the assets back and then you will have to come to a short term agreement through your lawyers as to what you can keep in your now separate account.

And the judge will absolutely use your unilateral removal of marital assets as an indicator of your behavior.

Nope. They are just sitting here with me safe and sound and all assets will be divided 50/50 on the final divorce date. We don’t want anything to go missing now so we?

(Virginia divides assets upon filing for separation, not end of divorce).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

+1 you want the therapist to force him to engage in an effort to save the marriage. Well, no therapist can do that. This is the biggest gift the therapist ever could have given you.

Also, the house is half yours legally. So don't give him an inch with that nonsense because the judge won't.

The house equity during the marriage is half hers. The house was purchased before the marriage so what he put in before the marriage is his. This is not a 50/50 house situation. She needs an attorney so she can determine what portion of the house equity is hers based on the length of the marriage.

Given the appreciation of houses in this area, it might not be 50/50, but it's probably 45/55 or even better for OP. He's telling her it's his so he can sell it without her consent. Not true.

I never said he could sell it without her consent.
I said she need to find out the equity based on the length of the marriage.
You are completely guessing the percentages. When I divorced, we only owned the house a short period. You have no idea how long they were married so to come up with a percentage is ridiculous. She needs an attorney to help figure that out based on years of marriage and when he put into it when he bought it before marriage.

Pull have 24 months once final divorce papers are signed to sell the house.

He needs to cool his jets. Get a pI for eager beaver, he’s behaving oddly. Unless of course he’s communicated his issues, needs, desire for a separation and OP refuses to discuss, respond or listen. If OP behaves like that they yes, she’ll need a court system to set deadlines and respond.