Counselor telling us to end it

[Anonymous]

Do not leave that house. Get a lawyer today. Now. Get off DCUM and go get someone to advise you properly.

[Anonymous]

Get a lawyer RIGHT NOW. And take some money -- as much as possible -- out of any joint accounts you have (particularly if you only have joint accounts). The concern is that it will be locked up until the divorce is finalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only piece of advice you should listen to on this thread is to get a lawyer STAT. Do nothing else -- NOTHING -- without doing that first.

Listen to this person.

Also, anyone who would even consider dumping a dog out of spite should be kicked to the curb.

Yes, of course OP should consult a lawyer but it is useful to gather credible anecdotal evidence about the process works. It's a sad fact that divorce attorneys are not in the business of giving you good advice- they are in the business of selling divorce services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only piece of advice you should listen to on this thread is to get a lawyer STAT. Do nothing else -- NOTHING -- without doing that first.

Listen to this person.

Also, anyone who would even consider dumping a dog out of spite should be kicked to the curb.

Yes, of course OP should consult a lawyer but it is useful to gather credible anecdotal evidence about the process works. It's a sad fact that divorce attorneys are not in the business of giving you good advice- they are in the business of selling divorce services.

….which OP needs because her husband is already out the door. She needs the lawyer to protect her and her kids.

[Anonymous]

Take the money out of joint accounts with online bank transfer. Divorcing now - do it first before he does. If you simply transfer it to a secure separate account and don’t withdraw cash it won’t backlash at you know court. Still remains martial but you will ensure it’s not wasted. Marital waste is very hard to prove abs get money back. My exH ran and paid from marital accounts $30k credit card debt; withdrew over $100k cash nothing was returned to me but he did loose custody

[Anonymous]

If more marriage counselors were honest, they would say the same to 90% of their clients. You sound like you are seeking a doctors note to save this obviously dead marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Run and get a lawyer NOW.
Pull out 1/2 of what’s in joint accounts. Take him off joint credit cards.
If joint money has been paying the mortgage and you obviously have kids together, you have some recourse.

Also, get a private detective. I would bet money he’s cheating.
Even if VA splits 50/50- sometimes the judge will give more to one party.
Get your financial records. Any thing he spends for an affair, circle it to get back.

I hope anyone reading your post understands that doing most of these things will put you in hot water with the judge and actually hurt you.

Without question, the thing to do is to leave all combined assets alone and then each of you will get permission to use marital assets to pay your lawyers. If you remove martial assets, the judge will see that as an attempt to thwart the process, even if DH is a jackass

You’re incorrect.
You can take 12 months of funds and freeze all assets asap.

Op should have him move out, continue to be primary/default parent, interview and consult with 2-3 lawyers and pick one, file for separation + temp custody (kids visit him every other weekend) + start splitting the assets 50/50 (so get all account info yesterday to lawyer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him with the kids. Hurry before he leaves first.

What? Why?

To Give him a little taste of single parenting during 50/50 custody.
But really just to wipe off the smirk that I imagine is on his face thinking about his new life in his new apartment.

I am curious why you think he needs “a little taste.” Men in these situations know full well what parenting kids solo is like and eagerly anticipate it. Your post seems to suggest he wouldn’t be able to handle it and would come groveling back to keep the marriage intact. That is a weird kind of deiusion based on the flawed premise that a man can’t handle it or wouldn’t want to.

Incorrect.

They rolled it back about 2-3 months in. Unless they move in their Mom or convince a new girlfriend to “see if she can pass the test as a good step mom and housekeeper.”

[Anonymous]

It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Wrong on first point. Call your brokerage account.

Fine on second point.

[Anonymous]

If your husband contacted and spoke to the counselor before you, he has most likely contacted a lawyer too. Do not listen to the random advice from people on DCUM. Call a lawyer, pay the initial fee and do what they say. Today.

You are not going to save the marriage. You can at least try to save yourself financially.

I am so sorry this is happening. Get individual therapy for you and your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It impossible to freeze marital assets . Courts will never do it abs it will cost a fortune for her to fight for it. Move all funds with online bank transfer to yoir separate account now ! Before he withdraws cash and waste it

Wrong on first point. Call your brokerage account.

Fine on second point.

I meant the courts can’t freeze the accounts. If a bank can, go ahead and do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate the advice. Disappointed that he doesn't want to work on our marriage since I feel the majority of the tension comes from having a child with health issues and my own health. He likely spoke with the counselor without me since he found her and booked her and got her to side with him. I just feel betrayed and tricked into counseling when his agenda was to leave. Now he is saying that he is leaving (or kicking me out) because a trained professional told us to separate. The counselor doesn't even know about the health issues, we never got there. We're okay financially but that won't last with double the expenses. He paid for the mortgage but I paid for everything else including all food, groceries and kid activities, but somehow now its not my house.

Why haven't you called a lawyer yet? Whining on about the counselor is a waste of time. She didn't trick him or manipulate him. She did you a favor and called his bluff

He has told you more than once he doesn't want to be married to you anymore.

The divorce is happening. Get a lawyer do you don't get screwed.

[Anonymous]

OP, lawyer up and stop blaming the counselor. This was already way over, and You are wasting precious time when your focus should be on getting legal counsel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him with the kids. Hurry before he leaves first.

What? Why?

To Give him a little taste of single parenting during 50/50 custody.
But really just to wipe off the smirk that I imagine is on his face thinking about his new life in his new apartment.

Um no. The first person to abandon ship hurts their custody case.

I see this posted here frequently, but is it really true? I thought judges were extremely unlikely to do anything other than 50/50 these days, assuming both parents want custody.

If OP’s husband doesn’t want custody, a court can’t force him to take the kids, and it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to do so anyway.

No! In my case the judge commented from the bench that I did a good job in moving out, given what my wife's behavior was like.

I had also spent 6 months before moving out trying to mediate a separation agreement but wife would not agree to anything.

I got 50-50.