Counselor telling us to end it

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an azz. Thank the counselor for ripping off the bandaid and pack up your kids and the pooch.

[Anonymous]

Run and get a lawyer NOW.
Pull out 1/2 of what’s in joint accounts. Take him off joint credit cards.
If joint money has been paying the mortgage and you obviously have kids together, you have some recourse.

Also, get a private detective. I would bet money he’s cheating.
Even if VA splits 50/50- sometimes the judge will give more to one party.
Get your financial records. Any thing he spends for an affair, circle it to get back.

[Anonymous]

I’m very sorry, and this sounds like a horrible shock for you, especially since the counseling was over the phone, not face to face. Counseling doesn’t always “help” by fixing a relationship. Sometimes the help is assessing things realistically, and moving on from there. Reading your description of your husband “checking out” —if accurate— doesn’t suggest a reality that involves two people committed to working on a relationship.

There are a few times that I could imagine a counselor doing something like this. One is if one of the clients flat out doesn’t want to work, doesn’t even want to drift, but just wants out. Another is when there is a clear lack of respect — which “lying a lot” might suggest.

I hope you have a good lawyer and a good therapist of your own — who can help you process these difficult challenges as you go forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him with the kids. Hurry before he leaves first.

What? Why?

To Give him a little taste of single parenting during 50/50 custody.
But really just to wipe off the smirk that I imagine is on his face thinking about his new life in his new apartment.

Um no. The first person to abandon ship hurts their custody case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like pure trash. I know it's scary but you should be glad to let him move out. Let him go. You stay in the house with the kids.

She can't, he bought the home prior to the marriage.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm sorry your husband checked out of the marriage, likely a long time ago. I think staying living together would still hurt too..
After this, when you heal, you will find a man one day who treasures you, and you will be happier than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like pure trash. I know it's scary but you should be glad to let him move out. Let him go. You stay in the house with the kids.

Not a lot of details to work with. It could just as easily be the case that the OP is trash, which would explain why he would want out.

[Anonymous]

You have zero choice but to accept it is done, because he is done & out. You need to call lawyers tomorrow and get moving to provide as much security & stability as you can for you & the kids.

[Anonymous]

I like the counselor's style! So many couples therapists just ask questions when I'm like, you're the professional! Tell me you professional opinion! Can you share your counselor's contact?

[Anonymous]

Now you know he's ending it you can play accordingly. Transfer half or all the money into your account immediately. Do it now. Do it today. Get all the legal documents stored away, anything you need to document. Take photographs of any valuable stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t force someone to stay if they don’t want to. Your therapist didn’t tell him to make this choice, the therapist gave him room to make this choice if that’s what he truly wanted.

Absolutely this.

Time to pull it together, he’s already ahead of you mentally and physically. He’s not going to make a 180 here. Contact a lawyer tomorrow

[Anonymous]

You might have some ownership interest in the property if you contributed towards the mortgage and/or renovations/upkeep.

[Anonymous]

OP - If you go through with the call on Friday you NEED to tell the counselor that you feel she was unprofessional - she was! No counselor should ever tell a client what to do, especially something so drastic in only the second session. It usually takes 3-4 sessions to get to know someone.

I do recommend seeing a lawyer based on your DH's behavior.

Also, i recommend later getting individual counseling later. Find a counselor that you trust and who will help you get over the betrayal and build a life on your own terms (not people pleasing or denying reality).

I'm sorry, and GL!

[Anonymous]

I'm pp and you will need to talk about the betrayal of both your counselor and DH.

[Anonymous]

I am guessing that she spoke to him individually and he was unequivocal about wanting out. I am also pretty certain he has a side piece.

[Anonymous]

OP, why would you want to stay with someone who clearly doesn't want to stay with you? Put on your big girl panties and move on. He doesn't want to stay in the marriage...no counselor is going to fix that.