What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

^ yeah he could have cheated just because he was a whore like my wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ yeah he could have cheated just because he was a whore like my wife

Or because he was "Mira' like the cheating wife in the other post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

I came to the same conclusion. BUT--I truly think it's the way men have been raised with 'toxic masculinity'. Men for generations were taught to deny their emotions, not to cry, not to do anything that could be considered 'unmanly'. They don't know what to do with their feelings let alone be vulnerable. And this has been the result for centuries,, just go bang another woman. That temporarily relieves the pain and is a shot to boost their manhood.

[Anonymous]

^ they certainly would never confide in a friend about matters like that unlike women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

I came to the same conclusion. BUT--I truly think it's the way men have been raised with 'toxic masculinity'. Men for generations were taught to deny their emotions, not to cry, not to do anything that could be considered 'unmanly'. They don't know what to do with their feelings let alone be vulnerable. And this has been the result for centuries,, just go bang another woman. That temporarily relieves the pain and is a shot to boost their manhood.

And a lot of women are attracted to other aspects of that same basic masculine stereotype. A lot of women marry men who are aggressive, selfish, stoic, brash because they like that they are popular, successful in competitive jobs, etc. But those qualities can make a bad transition to midlife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

This is assuming that women are all open to having those difficult conversations and/or making changes in the relationship. And that's just not true. In fact, there is the woman up thread who talks about how she clammed up because she was going through a lot and "iced out" her husband. Doesn't excuse what he did, but also doesn't suggest that all he had to do was raise his concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

This is assuming that women are all open to having those difficult conversations and/or making changes in the relationship. And that's just not true. In fact, there is the woman up thread who talks about how she clammed up because she was going through a lot and "iced out" her husband. Doesn't excuse what he did, but also doesn't suggest that all he had to do was raise his concerns.

No, it doesn’t assume that. Notice I said “if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is right for you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was cheating for 6 years. We still had sex 2 times/week. He said he couldn’t decide for so long between 2 women.
Some men can be in love two women at same time.

No. He didn't love the one he cheated on, nor the bimb@. It's something else completely, his dysfunction and deflecting upon the victim women. Good riddance I say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was cheating for 6 years. We still had sex 2 times/week. He said he couldn’t decide for so long between 2 women.
Some men can be in love two women at same time.

No. He didn't love the one he cheated on, nor the bimb@. It's something else completely, his dysfunction and deflecting upon the victim women. Good riddance I say.

I mean't "bimb@ woman" as the one that cheated with him fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

I came to the same conclusion. BUT--I truly think it's the way men have been raised with 'toxic masculinity'. Men for generations were taught to deny their emotions, not to cry, not to do anything that could be considered 'unmanly'. They don't know what to do with their feelings let alone be vulnerable. And this has been the result for centuries,, just go bang another woman. That temporarily relieves the pain and is a shot to boost their manhood.

And a lot of women are attracted to other aspects of that same basic masculine stereotype. A lot of women marry men who are aggressive, selfish, stoic, brash because they like that they are popular, successful in competitive jobs, etc. But those qualities can make a bad transition to midlife.

I’m the PP who mentioned emotional vulnerability and you are both correct. It irritates me that that author focuses on (in all her writing a that I have seen) the way women need to be more open to having enthusiastic sex and less about how we need to encourage men to be vulnerable. And while the burden for that should be on men, women are complicit in this toxic masculinity when they give covert messages that emotions or vulnerability weak, womanly things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For men like me in my mid-40s, it's more about satisfying a need that I do not get from my wife who is really, REALLY disinterested in sex (like 6-12x a year, in a good year, and get it over with). The end game is that I assume my libido will die down (it already has somewhat from my 20s and 30s) and maybe in a few years I won't care that much and we will live happily ever after.

The question of why I don't divorce is obvious. Kids and finances and stability. I tend to agree with the previous poster, if my wife doesn't want to have sex, she can divorce me, which of course she won't for the same reason.

Why do so many people care how men in sexless marriages handle this issue? It doesn't affect you.

You are only one person. The vast majority of cheaters are getting weekly sex at home. They aren’t in miserable marriages. They (gasp) even love their wives.

It does affect me. The culture of tolerance of cheating in the marriage and the acceptance of men lying about the sex they are getting in marriage does affect me. The lying and manipulation around sex gives the liar power in the dyad and makes sex fundamentally non-consensual - both for the wife and the AP. My now ex DH was cheating. He had sex with me 2-4 times a week. He never complained about quality or quantity. At the same time, he was writing the AP emails about how he wasn’t having sex with me and was just with me out of some kind of obligation. Nothing could have been further from the truth - if he didn’t want to be with me, I certainly didn’t want him. When he was confronted and I offered to divorce, he was crying and begging to stay with me - a surprise to the AP, who clearly was unaware of the true status of his relationship.

Ultimately, I cut him loose because that amount of lying and manipulation is sociopathic. Women are not so eager for marriage that they are willing to stay - knowingly - in that environment. And, I say “knowingly” because it took some real sleuthing on my part to uncover what was going on.

Aha- mine was exactly the same. He was telling his AP how unhappy he was in our marriage, but happily traveled with me and son, had very happy face on all family photos, thanked the wife for support in his career, always initiated sex with me on Sundays after our morning jog (in the shower, on the table etc.).

I think cheaters are definitely sociopaths. He never talked to me about something being wrong in the marriage. I suggested family and sex therapy when discovering cheating, and he refused

Your situation mirrors mine. I also asked marital therapy which he accepted eagerly, but sadly he continued to tell gigantic lies to me (and the therapist to some degree, it seems clear). I finally went to therapy with him one day and basically said, “I know you’re lying about X,Y and Z - our relationship is over, you have 48 hours to get out of the house. I will not discuss anything else during this therapy session except for how to tell the kids about our split and your moving out. This is my last therapy session with you.” He looked shell-shocked. I don’t think he ever anticipated that he would be caught, and I would end it. He spent two more years trying to get back with me - which I consistently rejected.

Lying extensively to your wife, and then continuing to lie extensively in therapy is definitely sociopathic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whyyyyyy do people defend cheating???

It seems like it’s so obvious that it hurts people but people do all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify it. He started it by being mean! I have sexual needs that weren’t being met! It’s okay because my spouse never found out!

Even if somebody is inclined to empathize with cheaters, how is there no consensus that cheating hurts people, it’s wrong to hurt people, so cheating is wrong?

I swear some of these people saying that cheating isn’t a big deal would also get up in arms about backing out of a social engagement or forgetting to send a written thank you card.

This analogy is spot on. We all feel hurt when those things (cheating or other ppl backing out social engagements or forgetting to send a thank you card) happen to us, yet we all make excuses for ourselves and expect to be forgiven when we do those things that hurt others. It's like all my single friends on dating apps have ghosted and been ghosted. Of course they feel upset when they are ghosted, but it doesn't stop them from ghosting people they are not interested in, and they feel justified to do so. It's just part of life.

Ultimately it depends on who has more opportunity to do those kinds of hurtful things. Like a hot girl on dating apps is much more likely to ghost others than being ghosted herself. Or a successful and attractive middle age man has more resource (money, social status, time away from home) to cheat than a SAHM. But let's admit it, we (regardless of gender) would all find it hard to resist the temptation if given the right opportunity. Men simply have more opportunities to cheat; that's it.

FWIW I'm a woman who have never cheated in 10 years of my marriage, and have not been cheated on to my best knowledge. But if it had happened I would just think of it as a matter of which of us was presented the opportunity first. Neither of us actively sought out cheating. But I don't pretend that I have the morality to turn down a (hypothetically) opportunity of having some good NSA sex with a very hot guy that my husband would never find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ yeah he could have cheated just because he was a whore like my wife

Seriously! All this navel gazing. Geez! Pathetic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whyyyyyy do people defend cheating???

It seems like it’s so obvious that it hurts people but people do all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify it. He started it by being mean! I have sexual needs that weren’t being met! It’s okay because my spouse never found out!

Even if somebody is inclined to empathize with cheaters, how is there no consensus that cheating hurts people, it’s wrong to hurt people, so cheating is wrong?

I swear some of these people saying that cheating isn’t a big deal would also get up in arms about backing out of a social engagement or forgetting to send a written thank you card.

This analogy is spot on. We all feel hurt when those things (cheating or other ppl backing out social engagements or forgetting to send a thank you card) happen to us, yet we all make excuses for ourselves and expect to be forgiven when we do those things that hurt others. It's like all my single friends on dating apps have ghosted and been ghosted. Of course they feel upset when they are ghosted, but it doesn't stop them from ghosting people they are not interested in, and they feel justified to do so. It's just part of life.

Ultimately it depends on who has more opportunity to do those kinds of hurtful things. Like a hot girl on dating apps is much more likely to ghost others than being ghosted herself. Or a successful and attractive middle age man has more resource (money, social status, time away from home) to cheat than a SAHM. But let's admit it, we (regardless of gender) would all find it hard to resist the temptation if given the right opportunity. Men simply have more opportunities to cheat; that's it.[/b]
[b]
FWIW I'm a woman who have never cheated in 10 years of my marriage, and have not been cheated on to my best knowledge. But if it had happened I would just think of it as a matter of which of us was presented the opportunity first. Neither of us actively sought out cheating. But I don't pretend that I have the morality to turn down a (hypothetically) opportunity of having some good NSA sex with a very hot guy that my husband would never find out.

AHHH...NO. As a highly attractive woman, I have been hit on and propositioned my entire life. At the Office, at the gym, on the sidelines of a kids' soccer game. I have had every opportunity out there and I have never even kissed another man in the 26 years I have been with my husband. I also was hit on when I was a single woman by very successful and handsome married men, and I thought they were scum. I always thought 'how the hell could they do this to their wife? their kids?'. SO, some of us have morality and integrity and can have a million opportunities. Even if some divine power told me that I would never get caught, the guilt alone would eat me alive.