What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

No one is “forced to cheat.” That’s the talk of a 12 year old boy, not a man. “Mom, yeah, I did it, but it’s not my fault. They MADE ME DO IT!!!”

Yes that pp is very disturbed and likely blames others for all their failings in life.

Cheating men need to feel superior and grandiose but lack the internal drive to behave in this way. They are unable to validate their own self-worth so they must seek it from somewhere else. This is achieved through the supply. The narcissist needs constant re-assurance that they are the superior person they believe they are. When their partner is not providing this re-assurance and re-supplying their depleting feelings of superiority, they will seek it from someone else. In that moment, they don’t consider, or even care, how their actions affect their partner. All they are focused on is getting their own needs met.

The cheating narcissist uses words and actions to target their partner and attack them to increase their own self-esteem. The devaluation helps the narcissist feel better about themselves as their feelings of grandiosity and superiority slip away. When a narcissist cheats and you find out about it, they don’t feel remorse and instead use this behavior as a way to devalue their partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

It doesn’t have to be great, just a different person. It’s escape from themselves and they’re daily lives. They can feel like someone else. Someone without kids, a job, daily life stressors, their feelings of low self-worth that they haven’t accomplished what they want in life. The other person is immaterial. It could be anyone, I.e., if it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Neither “here nor there.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

It doesn’t have to be great, just a different person. It’s escape from themselves and they’re daily lives. They can feel like someone else. Someone without kids, a job, daily life stressors, their feelings of low self-worth that they haven’t accomplished what they want in life. The other person is immaterial. It could be anyone, I.e., if it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Neither “here nor there.”

+1
It’s why it’s said to be “just sex”. There is no end game to find a new wife. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

No one is “forced to cheat.” That’s the talk of a 12 year old boy, not a man. “Mom, yeah, I did it, but it’s not my fault. They MADE ME DO IT!!!”

Yes that pp is very disturbed and likely blames others for all their failings in life.

Cheating men need to feel superior and grandiose but lack the internal drive to behave in this way. They are unable to validate their own self-worth so they must seek it from somewhere else. This is achieved through the supply. The narcissist needs constant re-assurance that they are the superior person they believe they are. When their partner is not providing this re-assurance and re-supplying their depleting feelings of superiority, they will seek it from someone else. In that moment, they don’t consider, or even care, how their actions affect their partner. All they are focused on is getting their own needs met.

The cheating narcissist uses words and actions to target their partner and attack them to increase their own self-esteem. The devaluation helps the narcissist feel better about themselves as their feelings of grandiosity and superiority slip away. When a narcissist cheats and you find out about it, they don’t feel remorse and instead use this behavior as a way to devalue their partner.

Can we please retire this narcissistic trope. Narcissistic personality affects 1% of the population. Between 30-70% of people cheat depending on what stat you believe. Most of the time, it's just good old fashioned sex drive which may or may not be met at home.

I am not saying you are to blame for your husband's affair, I don't know your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

It doesn’t have to be great, just a different person. It’s escape from themselves and they’re daily lives. They can feel like someone else. Someone without kids, a job, daily life stressors, their feelings of low self-worth that they haven’t accomplished what they want in life. The other person is immaterial. It could be anyone, I.e., if it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Neither “here nor there.”

+1
It’s why it’s said to be “just sex”. There is no end game to find a new wife. Lol

This is so true. The women are not “wife material”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

It doesn’t have to be great, just a different person. It’s escape from themselves and they’re daily lives. They can feel like someone else. Someone without kids, a job, daily life stressors, their feelings of low self-worth that they haven’t accomplished what they want in life. The other person is immaterial. It could be anyone, I.e., if it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Neither “here nor there.”

+1
It’s why it’s said to be “just sex”. There is no end game to find a new wife. Lol

This is so true. The women are not “wife material”.

Most of them are married already. They were someone's, wife material and now they are in sexless marriages looking for the same thing. Trust me, there are no shortages of women to affair with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

It doesn’t have to be great, just a different person. It’s escape from themselves and they’re daily lives. They can feel like someone else. Someone without kids, a job, daily life stressors, their feelings of low self-worth that they haven’t accomplished what they want in life. The other person is immaterial. It could be anyone, I.e., if it wasn’t them it would have been someone else. Neither “here nor there.”

+1
It’s why it’s said to be “just sex”. There is no end game to find a new wife. Lol

This is so true. The women are not “wife material”.

Most of them are married already. They were someone's, wife material and now they are in sexless marriages looking for the same thing. Trust me, there are no shortages of women to affair with.

Irrelevant. Married men aren’t using dating apps to find married women to marry. And if they ever got divorced they would never remarry a married woman that was on a dating app looking for sex. That type of woman is not “marrying material”. They don’t want to have to set up ring cameras bin the home or worry every time they are at work she’s boning another. They think less of these women. Just sex toys for their pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan was to have sex with someone who wanted to have sex with me. Yes, to have my cake and eat it too. There was no plan, it was short-term pleasure and filling a need that wasn't filled in my marriage.

it's not complicated.

Is it really that hard for men to keep their ding dong in their pants?

Honestly, yes. Monogamy is really, really hard for men. Some are better at it than others.

As usual, all Comme ts are directed at the motivations of men, as if women don't have the same needs. I can assure you, there are just as many cheating women out there as cheating men.

No there really aren't. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

In-out-cleanup-repeat. That's the plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

No one is “forced to cheat.” That’s the talk of a 12 year old boy, not a man. “Mom, yeah, I did it, but it’s not my fault. They MADE ME DO IT!!!”

OMG this is it! All these men don’t sound like men....they sound like weak little men blaming others for their actions. Such whiners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan was to have sex with someone who wanted to have sex with me. Yes, to have my cake and eat it too. There was no plan, it was short-term pleasure and filling a need that wasn't filled in my marriage.

it's not complicated.

Is it really that hard for men to keep their ding dong in their pants?

Honestly, yes. Monogamy is really, really hard for men. Some are better at it than others.

As usual, all Comme ts are directed at the motivations of men, as if women don't have the same needs. I can assure you, there are just as many cheating women out there as cheating men.

No there really aren't. Not even close.

You base your statement on..what? I've been in affairs for nearly ten years and won't brag to you how many women I've been with. I assure you, there is no shortage. Just as many women want an affair as men. That surprised me at first. I also found plenty of single women who were happy to have a short-term affair which was a bigger surprise. They were the best because I stayed at their house. The very first woman I met within the first week of being on AshleyMadison was single. It was awesome until she went back to her BF. Was kind of a revenge affair for her.

Bottom line, you really don't know what your talking about. I do. I've lived it.

[Anonymous]

You base your statement on..what? I've been in affairs for nearly ten years and won't brag to you how many women I've been with. I assure you, there is no shortage. Just as many women want an affair as men. That surprised me at first. I also found plenty of single women who were happy to have a short-term affair which was a bigger surprise. They were the best because I stayed at their house. The very first woman I met within the first week of being on AshleyMadison was single. It was awesome until she went back to her BF. Was kind of a revenge affair for her.

Bottom line, you really don't know what your talking about. I do. I've lived it.

This is literally vomit-inducing that you hold yourself out as an expert on affairs. You are as emotionally shallow as a mud puddle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

You don’t get to define what mental illness is just because you got cheated on. You got cheated on. So did I. Get over it.

Sorry you're still having difficulty from being a cheater. Therapy might help. Cheating affects the mental health of the cheater and their victim fyi. This has been well written about, and a good therapist could explain it to you as well.

But cheaters don't always cheat with strangers. Cheaters cheat with friends, colleagues, exes. As well as strangers. I'd say most start as somebody known.

I doubt you have any clue what most cheaters do. All APs were previously unknown to me.

That's true. I don't know what most cheaters do. Nor do you. Some start with somebody unknown. Other start with somebody they know. My thought is most would start with somebody famiiar to them, your thought is somebody they didn't know before. I don't have statistics, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happiness. Hopefully he will find a better partner that gives him what he needs so he isn’t forced to cheat.

Some say it’s just a physical release.

If it’s happiness, how would he keep from falling in love?

Men don't usually leave for their APs because even if it's great sex, it doesn't mean they are compatible life partners. Women can surely relate to this. Ever had that boyfriend that was great in bed but you knew it wouldn't work?

So it's sex but sex is a healthy part of life and loneliness is a big predictor of early death

So, by having an affair with a married man who is lonely and not having sex in his marriage an AP is actually increasing her lover's lifespan. He'll get the long-life advantage of being married (and cared for by a wife ) as well as the sex/lust part with an AP. Win-win!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

This will still be BS no matter how many times you repeat it. Just FYI.

Exactly. Such BS and he doesn't have a good response to it so just keeps on repeating it over and over.

Men cheat because they want to. There are other options for them if they are not happy but it requires effort (counseling) or financial sacrifice in a divorce (and make no mistake that it's the finances and the easy life with a wife that is what keeps them in a marriage, not the kids). They want something new but the easy life of a wife who takes care of everything at home. They don't want to get divorced because they are selfish and nothing they say disputes that fact. Honestly, all of these excuses for cheating are no excuses at all, and they say them so forcefully because they are defensive about it.