Reply to What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whyyyyyy do people defend cheating???

It seems like it’s so obvious that it hurts people but people do all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify it. He started it by being mean! I have sexual needs that weren’t being met! It’s okay because my spouse never found out!

Even if somebody is inclined to empathize with cheaters, how is there no consensus that cheating hurts people, it’s wrong to hurt people, so cheating is wrong?

[b]I swear some of these people saying that cheating isn’t a big deal would also get up in arms about backing out of a social engagement or forgetting to send a written thank you card[/b]. [/quote]

This analogy is spot on. We all feel hurt when those things (cheating or other ppl backing out social engagements or forgetting to send a thank you card) happen to us, yet we all make excuses for ourselves and expect to be forgiven when we do those things that hurt others. It's like all my single friends on dating apps have ghosted and been ghosted. Of course they feel upset when they are ghosted, but it doesn't stop them from ghosting people they are not interested in, and they feel justified to do so. It's just part of life.

Ultimately it depends on who has more opportunity to do those kinds of hurtful things. Like a hot girl on dating apps is much more likely to ghost others than being ghosted herself. Or a successful and attractive middle age man has more resource (money, social status, time away from home) to cheat than a SAHM. But let's admit it, we (regardless of gender) would all find it hard to resist the temptation if given the right opportunity. Men simply have more opportunities to cheat; that's it.[/b]
[b]
FWIW I'm a woman who have never cheated in 10 years of my marriage, and have not been cheated on to my best knowledge. But if it had happened I would just think of it as a matter of which of us was presented the opportunity first. Neither of us actively sought out cheating. But I don't pretend that I have the morality to turn down a (hypothetically) opportunity of having some good NSA sex with a very hot guy that my husband would never find out.[/quote]

AHHH...NO.  As a highly attractive woman, I have been hit on and propositioned my entire life.  At the Office, at the gym, on the sidelines of a kids' soccer game.  I have had every opportunity out there and I have never even kissed another man in the 26 years I have been with my husband.  I also was hit on when I was a single woman by very successful and handsome married men, and I thought they were scum.  I always thought 'how the hell could they do this to their wife? their kids?'.  SO, some of us have morality and integrity and can have a million opportunities.  Even if some divine power told me that I would never get caught, the guilt alone would eat me alive.[/quote]

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