Worried Relationship Is Over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

He flipped out and ran off stonewalling for a few days.

She doesn’t put up with that. Good for her.

Damage is done. Relationship is over.

Rationalize it however you want Op. or learn and grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

He flipped out and ran off stonewalling for a few days.

She doesn’t put up with that. Good for her.

Damage is done. Relationship is over.

Rationalize it however you want Op. or learn and grow.

+1. There is no joy to be had in spending your life tiptoeing around someone else’s fragile ego. Hopefully OP’s girlfriend has figured that out.

[Anonymous]

The kicker is instead of thinking things through you consult DCUM.
That’s a solid reason to dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

He flipped out and ran off stonewalling for a few days.

She doesn’t put up with that. Good for her.

Damage is done. Relationship is over.

Rationalize it however you want Op. or learn and grow.

OP said they were still cordial and he told her he needed time to think before talking about it. She got mad and demanded he talk about. She’s the immature one. She is turning it around on him because she is guilty and can’t take responsibility. Instead of letting him having time to process it, she demands an answer, and then gets mad when she doesn’t get it. Stop trying to make her out to be an innocent party.

OP, you can do better. I would not be okay with my gf begging my friend to keep it a secret that they slept together and then blame me when I found out. She sounds like a terrible partner. Don’t listen to the other posters on here. They always side with women and hate men. You will not get good answers on here.

[Anonymous]

^+1 (and I’m a woman)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

He flipped out and ran off stonewalling for a few days.

She doesn’t put up with that. Good for her.

Damage is done. Relationship is over.

Rationalize it however you want Op. or learn and grow.

OP said they were still cordial and he told her he needed time to think before talking about it. She got mad and demanded he talk about. She’s the immature one. She is turning it around on him because she is guilty and can’t take responsibility. Instead of letting him having time to process it, she demands an answer, and then gets mad when she doesn’t get it. Stop trying to make her out to be an innocent party.

OP, you can do better. I would not be okay with my gf begging my friend to keep it a secret that they slept together and then blame me when I found out. She sounds like a terrible partner. Don’t listen to the other posters on here. They always side with women and hate men. You will not get good answers on here.

You are rewriting the facts here.

[Anonymous]

he said he left. he said he didn't talk to her. he said he "didn't even know she left after a couple days".

so after 2 days of stonewalling and neglect and passive aggressiveness on OP's part, she went to stay with family.

nothing about her being mad. it's not "being mad" to want to talk to an understanding or at least have a talk.

she has nothing to be guilty about.

i guess she should have broke it off immediately when OP happed generally about "never wanting to date people my friends went on a couple dates with."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he said he left. he said he didn't talk to her. he said he "didn't even know she left after a couple days".

so after 2 days of stonewalling and neglect and passive aggressiveness on OP's part, she went to stay with family.

nothing about her being mad. it's not "being mad" to want to talk to an understanding or at least have a talk.

she has nothing to be guilty about.

i guess she should have broke it off immediately when OP happed generally about "never wanting to date people my friends went on a couple dates with."

OP here. I wasn’t going to come back on here but then I saw this. I have no idea where you’re getting your “ facts” because I said none of this.

I never once said I left. If you read my replies from 20:26 and 21:36, you will see that I explained what happened and it was none of what you just lied about.

I never once left. I said I slept on the couch. We were cordial but I told her I needed time to process everything before talking. She was mad I wouldn’t talked and was gone when I woke up one morning. She texted me that she was going to stay with her sister until we figure things out.

Did I leave? No? Did I refuse to talk to her? No. We talked but just not about the situation. Did I know she was gone? Now until about an hour later when I woke up. She left at 7am.

I did say in my replies she was mad that I needed time and wouldn’t talk to her right away about it. I said I needed time before I said something I would regret.

I never said I didn’t want to date someone my friend went on dates with. Again, another lie to fit your narrative and act like you’re right. I jokingly said I wouldn’t want to date someone I found out that my friend banged. It was a joke while watching some tv show.

So, instead of making up your own facts to a situation that doesn’t involve you to feel like you somehow know better than other posters, at least get your facts straight. PP was right, you weren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

He flipped out and ran off stonewalling for a few days.

She doesn’t put up with that. Good for her.

Damage is done. Relationship is over.

Rationalize it however you want Op. or learn and grow.

OP said they were still cordial and he told her he needed time to think before talking about it. She got mad and demanded he talk about. She’s the immature one. She is turning it around on him because she is guilty and can’t take responsibility. Instead of letting him having time to process it, she demands an answer, and then gets mad when she doesn’t get it. Stop trying to make her out to be an innocent party.

OP, you can do better. I would not be okay with my gf begging my friend to keep it a secret that they slept together and then blame me when I found out. She sounds like a terrible partner. Don’t listen to the other posters on here. They always side with women and hate men. You will not get good answers on here.

You are rewriting the facts here.

No. You are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:he said he left. he said he didn't talk to her. he said he "didn't even know she left after a couple days".

so after 2 days of stonewalling and neglect and passive aggressiveness on OP's part, she went to stay with family.

nothing about her being mad. it's not "being mad" to want to talk to an understanding or at least have a talk.

she has nothing to be guilty about.

i guess she should have broke it off immediately when OP happed generally about "never wanting to date people my friends went on a couple dates with."

OP here. I wasn’t going to come back on here but then I saw this. I have no idea where you’re getting your “ facts” because I said none of this.

I never once said I left. If you read my replies from 20:26 and 21:36, you will see that I explained what happened and it was none of what you just lied about.

I never once left. I said I slept on the couch. We were cordial but I told her I needed time to process everything before talking. She was mad I wouldn’t talked and was gone when I woke up one morning. She texted me that she was going to stay with her sister until we figure things out.

Did I leave? No? Did I refuse to talk to her? No. We talked but just not about the situation. Did I know she was gone? Now until about an hour later when I woke up. She left at 7am.

I did say in my replies she was mad that I needed time and wouldn’t talk to her right away about it. I said I needed time before I said something I would regret.

I never said I didn’t want to date someone my friend went on dates with. Again, another lie to fit your narrative and act like you’re right. I jokingly said I wouldn’t want to date someone I found out that my friend banged. It was a joke while watching some tv show.

So, instead of making up your own facts to a situation that doesn’t involve you to feel like you somehow know better than other posters, at least get your facts straight. PP was right, you weren’t.

DP. So let me get this straight. You never told her seriously that you would want to know if she had slept with one of your friends, you just made a joke, so she never actually lied to you when she didn’t share this. She just kept it to herself because it as history and she didn’t see a need to bring it up. Your relationship was happy to the point of looking at engagement rings until your friend decided to stir shit by telling you they had slept together. And then, instead of just talking to her about it like a grown-up, you slut-shamed and then stonewalled her, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong. She didn’t cheat on you, and she didn’t lie to you. She chose not to tell you something she believed you would rather not know about.

I don’t blame her for getting fed up and going to her sister’s while you guys see if you can work this out. Why should she sit around and subject herself to your implicit judgment and punishment because your friend acted like an ass and you won’t talk like an adult? “Cooling off” is taking a few minutes, maybe a couple of hours. Not days. If you need that long to be able to have a rational conversation, you need anger management counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe all 3 of you acted like normal people would. The situation is just really awkward and an impossible one to be in for any of you.

That said, your friend did both of you a disservice. What he did he did for selfish reasons. To relieve himself of guilt, but at what price? laying this all at your feet and potentially breaking up an otherwise loving couple?

Your GF was between a rock and a hard place. She knew your position on not dating someone who's slept with your friends. She's really into you and doesn't want to lose you. Omission is the path of least resistance and she took it. Was it honorable? No. But it's also understandable.

You're hurt by the omission/deception. Understandably. Would you say you'd act any differently if you were in their shoes?

I don't think this relationship is irrevocably damaged or beyond repair, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you more hurt by their not telling you for a year, or are you just kidding yourself and deep down you do mind the sex? Your honesty with yourself is the key here.

This is worthy or reading over a few times OP.

Most people I know would want to know and I agree with you that they should have told you. Your GF begged your best friend to keep quiet. He was put in a bad spot (loyalty to you and didn't want to hurt you with this info). Your GF was also in a bad spot (she liked you a lot and knew that you wouldn't like this).

People are bashing you but your GF is not innocent in this either. There is nothing wrong with breaking up for a few months and letting things really cool off. See how both of you feel in 3-6 months.

Daps to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe all 3 of you acted like normal people would. The situation is just really awkward and an impossible one to be in for any of you.

That said, your friend did both of you a disservice. What he did he did for selfish reasons. To relieve himself of guilt, but at what price? laying this all at your feet and potentially breaking up an otherwise loving couple?

Your GF was between a rock and a hard place. She knew your position on not dating someone who's slept with your friends. She's really into you and doesn't want to lose you. Omission is the path of least resistance and she took it. Was it honorable? No. But it's also understandable.

You're hurt by the omission/deception. Understandably. Would you say you'd act any differently if you were in their shoes?

I don't think this relationship is irrevocably damaged or beyond repair, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you more hurt by their not telling you for a year, or are you just kidding yourself and deep down you do mind the sex? Your honesty with yourself is the key here.

This is worthy or reading over a few times OP.

Most people I know would want to know and I agree with you that they should have told you. Your GF begged your best friend to keep quiet. He was put in a bad spot (loyalty to you and didn't want to hurt you with this info). Your GF was also in a bad spot (she liked you a lot and knew that you wouldn't like this).

People are bashing you but your GF is not innocent in this either. There is nothing wrong with breaking up for a few months and letting things really cool off. See how both of you feel in 3-6 months.

Daps to you.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe all 3 of you acted like normal people would. The situation is just really awkward and an impossible one to be in for any of you.

That said, your friend did both of you a disservice. What he did he did for selfish reasons. To relieve himself of guilt, but at what price? laying this all at your feet and potentially breaking up an otherwise loving couple?

Your GF was between a rock and a hard place. She knew your position on not dating someone who's slept with your friends. She's really into you and doesn't want to lose you. Omission is the path of least resistance and she took it. Was it honorable? No. But it's also understandable.

You're hurt by the omission/deception. Understandably. Would you say you'd act any differently if you were in their shoes?

I don't think this relationship is irrevocably damaged or beyond repair, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you more hurt by their not telling you for a year, or are you just kidding yourself and deep down you do mind the sex? Your honesty with yourself is the key here.

This is worthy or reading over a few times OP.

Most people I know would want to know and I agree with you that they should have told you. Your GF begged your best friend to keep quiet. He was put in a bad spot (loyalty to you and didn't want to hurt you with this info). Your GF was also in a bad spot (she liked you a lot and knew that you wouldn't like this).

People are bashing you but your GF is not innocent in this either. There is nothing wrong with breaking up for a few months and letting things really cool off. See how both of you feel in 3-6 months.

Daps to you.

If OP breaks up with her over this, she is not going to take him back in 3-6 months when he decides the whore stench has worn off enough. It will be a permanent break-up.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t even know his next move or what he wants to say.

Game over. Saying nothing is a decision. Suffer the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:he said he left. he said he didn't talk to her. he said he "didn't even know she left after a couple days".

so after 2 days of stonewalling and neglect and passive aggressiveness on OP's part, she went to stay with family.

nothing about her being mad. it's not "being mad" to want to talk to an understanding or at least have a talk.

she has nothing to be guilty about.

i guess she should have broke it off immediately when OP happed generally about "never wanting to date people my friends went on a couple dates with."

OP here. I wasn’t going to come back on here but then I saw this. I have no idea where you’re getting your “ facts” because I said none of this.

I never once said I left. If you read my replies from 20:26 and 21:36, you will see that I explained what happened and it was none of what you just lied about.

I never once left. I said I slept on the couch. We were cordial but I told her I needed time to process everything before talking. She was mad I wouldn’t talked and was gone when I woke up one morning. She texted me that she was going to stay with her sister until we figure things out.

Did I leave? No? Did I refuse to talk to her? No. We talked but just not about the situation. Did I know she was gone? Now until about an hour later when I woke up. She left at 7am.

I did say in my replies she was mad that I needed time and wouldn’t talk to her right away about it. I said I needed time before I said something I would regret.

I never said I didn’t want to date someone my friend went on dates with. Again, another lie to fit your narrative and act like you’re right. I jokingly said I wouldn’t want to date someone I found out that my friend banged. It was a joke while watching some tv show.

So, instead of making up your own facts to a situation that doesn’t involve you to feel like you somehow know better than other posters, at least get your facts straight. PP was right, you weren’t.

OP, trust me when I say that 90% of the harpies on here have no business giving advice to anyone. They don't actually read what you say. They just skim your post to find out if you are male, and then invent whatever they need to to claim you are in the wrong.