Worried Relationship Is Over

[Anonymous]

I can see how a male would want his male friend to know he had tapped that first awhile back. So cool, something else in common, alpha hit.

Usually both males and females don’t get that specific or wish roach other the best later. At most they’d say at some later point, they hooked up 1-2 years ago after a party, or online, or intro. And say it didn’t work out, it’s in the past, we’re here now!

I can see how bringing this up too soon would made someone immature or drama filled throw a fit and quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My gf and I of a year are in a really bad place and I need some advice. We met online and we very happy for the past year until I found out she slept with my best friend right before we got together. I wasn’t so much hurt it happened, but more so that she didn’t tell me about it. I had to hear about it from him. I needed a couple days to cool off and things have been strained. We haven’t been sleeping together this weekend and last night she decided to leave and go stay with her sister. I reached out to her after realizing she was gone and she said she is starting to question the whole relationship because of the way I handled things. I felt it was best to cool off and think about things before saying something I would regret. Now it’s turned into an even worse situation and I’m starting to worry it’s beyond repair.

Talk to her.

From your heart and brain.

Stop ignoring her and disappearing. You are making things worse. Not sure they were even bad until you left.

[Anonymous]

I believe all 3 of you acted like normal people would. The situation is just really awkward and an impossible one to be in for any of you.

That said, your friend did both of you a disservice. What he did he did for selfish reasons. To relieve himself of guilt, but at what price? laying this all at your feet and potentially breaking up an otherwise loving couple?

Your GF was between a rock and a hard place. She knew your position on not dating someone who's slept with your friends. She's really into you and doesn't want to lose you. Omission is the path of least resistance and she took it. Was it honorable? No. But it's also understandable.

You're hurt by the omission/deception. Understandably. Would you say you'd act any differently if you were in their shoes?

I don't think this relationship is irrevocably damaged or beyond repair, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Are you more hurt by their not telling you for a year, or are you just kidding yourself and deep down you do mind the sex? Your honesty with yourself is the key here.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your girlfriend does not like the way that you handle conflict. That is a huge part of compatibility, and it goes beyond who was right or wrong in this particular situation. Some people cannot abide passive aggressive behavior in a conflict situation. Other people cannot deal with someone immediately forcing a conversation. It sounds like this experience gave your girlfriend some insight into how you will deal with conflict in the future--by passively trying to punish her, and avoiding a conversation that would allow her to defend herself or challenge your point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly happened between the two of them? How did you react?

OP here. They met online and had sex twice. Realized there wasn’t much there and then I met her two weeks later. We dated for about two months before introducing to family/friends since we are both looking for something serious. They met and decided not to tell me because she liked me and I had made a comment about not wanting to date someone a friend slept with. I told my friend how I was looking at rings and he said he felt he needed to tell me.

I told her that I knew about that they had slept together and that my buddy told me. She cried and said she was afraid to tell me because of the comment that I made and because she liked me so much. I was more upset and hurt that they didn’t bother to tell me for a year. This weekend I was very distant and slept on the couch. I planned to talk to her but I just needed time to digest everything and not saying something I would regret. She decided to pack a back and leave to think things over.

Uh, you should be mad at your boy, too!

[Anonymous]

The amount of shaming OP going on is gross. No one would be doing this if the roles were reversed and OP was the woman. They would be coddling her and telling her that her bf is a bad man. OP did nothing wrong. The guilty parties are his gf and his best friend. His gf demanding to talk about things and then running away when he doesn’t want to shows her level of maturity. She’s a whiny entitled brat. Run far away from this woman. She’s a liar who is immature and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

cool. you should come back here when you find that your SO has lied to you about something you think is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your girlfriend does not like the way that you handle conflict. That is a huge part of compatibility, and it goes beyond who was right or wrong in this particular situation. Some people cannot abide passive aggressive behavior in a conflict situation. Other people cannot deal with someone immediately forcing a conversation. It sounds like this experience gave your girlfriend some insight into how you will deal with conflict in the future--by passively trying to punish her, and avoiding a conversation that would allow her to defend herself or challenge your point of view.

This

Do you understand the above OP? It takes a degree of maturity and self awareness to see the underlying conflict resolution issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gf and I of a year are in a really bad place and I need some advice. We met online and we very happy for the past year until I found out she slept with my best friend right before we got together. I wasn’t so much hurt it happened, but more so that she didn’t tell me about it. I had to hear about it from him. I needed a couple days to cool off and things have been strained. We haven’t been sleeping together this weekend and last night she decided to leave and go stay with her sister. I reached out to her after realizing she was gone and she said she is starting to question the whole relationship because of the way I handled things. I felt it was best to cool off and think about things before saying something I would regret. Now it’s turned into an even worse situation and I’m starting to worry it’s beyond repair.

So before you even met her she online dated your friend.

Neither told until suddenly a year later? Why’s they tell you at all? How awkward, unless one of them is jealous.

His best friend is messing with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

cool. you should come back here when you find that your SO has lied to you about something you think is important.

There are multiple issues here. First, the fact that he thinks it’s important. Second, that she hid it. Third, that his way of dealing with this is not to get over it and talk it out but to dwell on how wronged it is until she moves out.

[Anonymous]

So did she tell you the dates, names, ages of everyone else she slept with? And vice versa.

You know, people like Op might want to cross check if any neighbors, coworkers, cousins or friends are lying to him as well. You know, saw the pics posted and stayed like lying cheating a holes Op thinks they must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does her sleeping with anyone before you were in a relationship with her matter?

This. Who cares if it was before?

OP here. It doesn’t. I don’t care that they slept together. The issue I have is them not telling me and me looking like an idiot for a year.

I think you bear a big responsibility in this. Announcing that you won’t have a relationship with someone who was with a friend… um what? Why?

If I were your girlfriend I would have thought twice too. It sounds like there was nothing between them. Honestly this all sounds childish, I understand why she left. If you cared about her so much you wouldn’t get this worked up over nothing.

cool. you should come back here when you find that your SO has lied to you about something you think is important.

Apparently OP didn’t feel like it was such a big issue that he wanted to break up with her over it. He threw his fit and then freaked out when he realized she might leave him over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My gf and I of a year are in a really bad place and I need some advice. We met online and we very happy for the past year until I found out she slept with my best friend right before we got together. I wasn’t so much hurt it happened, but more so that she didn’t tell me about it. I had to hear about it from him. I needed a couple days to cool off and things have been strained. We haven’t been sleeping together this weekend and last night she decided to leave and go stay with her sister. I reached out to her after realizing she was gone and she said she is starting to question the whole relationship because of the way I handled things. I felt it was best to cool off and think about things before saying something I would regret. Now it’s turned into an even worse situation and I’m starting to worry it’s beyond repair.

She was with him before you? Grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of shaming OP going on is gross. No one would be doing this if the roles were reversed and OP was the woman. They would be coddling her and telling her that her bf is a bad man. OP did nothing wrong. The guilty parties are his gf and his best friend. His gf demanding to talk about things and then running away when he doesn’t want to shows her level of maturity. She’s a whiny entitled brat. Run far away from this woman. She’s a liar who is immature and entitled.

She’s gaslighting you