Worried Relationship Is Over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even understand how a comment about sleeping with a friend would’ve come up in the first place. Seems oddly coincidental. OP’s girlfriend made the wrong choice to hide it, but an understandable one, of everything else in the relationship is solid.

It doesn’t. OP knew in his gut they’d slept together, and the comment about not wanting to date someone who slept with his friend was a warning to the girlfriend not to tell him so he could maintain plausible deniability. Except the friend ruined that by unburdening himself to OP, so now OP can’t pretend it didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing this is real. The odds of her sleeping with a guy from online, then two weeks later entering a relationship with his best friend she also met online, are astronomical.

But if it is true, OP, she had no obligation to tell you. Sleeping with someone doesn't make a woman tainted, and she didn't even know you at the time. You aren't owed being told about a woman's sexual past.

I'd also be concerned about your friend's motivations for telling you. Why does he think that your girlfriend is damaged in some way and you should know before marrying her?

I'm also curious to hear how you handled it. There's a huge difference between "I love you, I just need a day to cool off and then we'll talk", and blowing up, sleeping on the couch, and giving her the silent treatment.

Honestly you sound very immature and not ready for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Dump her and move on OP. You’ll never really move past this, even if you convince yourself in the short term you have, it’ll just resurface later and cause resentment. A mature person would have found a way to delicately tell you about what happened with your friend within a couple months of dating. Plenty of fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

OP, would you tell your GF if the situation were reversed? Why did your friend tell you. That's just something you never needed to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My gf and I of a year are in a really bad place and I need some advice. We met online and we very happy for the past year until I found out she slept with my best friend right before we got together. I wasn’t so much hurt it happened, but more so that she didn’t tell me about it. I had to hear about it from him. I needed a couple days to cool off and things have been strained. We haven’t been sleeping together this weekend and last night she decided to leave and go stay with her sister. I reached out to her after realizing she was gone and she said she is starting to question the whole relationship because of the way I handled things. I felt it was best to cool off and think about things before saying something I would regret. Now it’s turned into an even worse situation and I’m starting to worry it’s beyond repair.

So before you even met her she online dated your friend.

Neither told until suddenly a year later? Why’s they tell you at all? How awkward, unless one of them is jealous.

[Anonymous]

Well, your friend knew what to irrelevant krap to dig up to break up your relationship. Full stop.

Sounds like you need the Ted Lasso Diamond Dogs talk they gave Roy…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say OP is completely blameless. I don't like the distance and sleeping on the couch, and then expecting her to be around when he deemed he was ready to discuss it.

That's not maturity.

I totally get his being upset about them keeping this a secret from him. That's valid.

I'm just against silent treatment.

Final diagnosis: this relationship is likely done, and you both have some growing to do as individuals before you are ready for marriage.

OP handled it poorly. What happened before is no one’s business. His friend should not have said a word. I do not blame her for not saying anything. It was/is none of OP’s business. The girlfriend should break up with him.

Agree. Op and his friend need to grow up. Or stop passively attacking each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The part about his friend and his GF agreeing not to tell him is super weird.

It would be one thing if somehow it just hadn't come out, but discussing it and agreeing to keep it a secret would raise all sorts of red flags for me.

OP here. He told me he wanted to tell me but she begged him not to because she was afraid I would break up with her. He felt guilty once I started talking about marrying her and he didn’t want me to find out years later.

Pissed at my friend too but more upset with her. I’m not mad they slept together, I’m just mad they didn’t tell me they did. I feel like I looked like a fool this whole time.

1) OP it is OK to be upset that she didn't tell you. I agree they should have told you earlier.
2) It's OK to get over it and move on OR break up and move on. But you can't let this linger, or you'll get resentful. You have to let it go, no matter what route you take.
3) The bolded is the problem with men. You are worried about looking like a fool. You know women are worried about getting killed and raped in relationships, right? And you are worried about looking like a fool. Well, newsflash: Looking like a fool is life. You already look like a fool when you sit on the toilet and take a dump. You look like a fool when you eat ice cream. You look like f fool bending over to put on your sneakers. You look like a fool when you get all excited about the football / soccer /baseball team you follow. It's fnucking life that you look like a fool. But your girlfriend dating something before you? That does NOT make you look like a fool.

Clearly if she and you can't talk openly together about past events you aren't meant for each other. I'd advice some counseling to discuss communication if you decide to stay together, but I'd actualy recommend that you break up.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a fan of you, op. First, this is one more example of why living together before marriage is a bad idea, you essentially made things so unpleasant she left which means her sister became involved in your drama. I also have a sister, and I’d not feel warmly about a guy who did this to her, you are still thinking you needed to “cool off”? How will that work when you two are married or have children? Let me guess, she’s not on the lease? If she is, you can’t kick her out the next time you need to “cool off”. You certainly can’t do it when kids come along.. and believe me there will be plenty of times when you two will need to stay put and sort out your differences. I don’t like your fighting methods.

No matter how p**ssed off you are, a sweet hug and kiss always makes the day better. Try that the next time you get a girlfriend.

As for your friend, you don’t need enemies. Sounds like he wants you to remain single.
I’m also trying to calculate the odds of a girl meeting both of you online as opposed to meeting one of you through the other, and then finding you both attractive enough to sleep with? Are you sure the timeline is right? Might that really be your concern?



If I was the girlfriend in this situation, and I believe your story, I’d leave. I wouldn’t want my husband to have a friend who “told on me” like I was a naughty child. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who made life so unpleasant I felt I had to leave when I’d done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t want to involve my family in what is essentially sexual drama that happened before we were a couple.

If you like this girl, loose the friend and put a ring on it this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was the girlfriend in this situation, and I believe your story, I’d leave. I wouldn’t want my husband to have a friend who “told on me” like I was a naughty child. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who made life so unpleasant I felt I had to leave when I’d done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t want to involve my family in what is essentially sexual drama that happened before we were a couple.

If you like this girl, loose the friend and put a ring on it this weekend.

This is the worst advice I have ever read on DCUM. That's saying something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, your friend knew what to irrelevant krap to dig up to break up your relationship. Full stop.

Sounds like you need the Ted Lasso Diamond Dogs talk they gave Roy…

nice try but fail. In the Ted Lasso episode to which you are referring, Keely was HONEST about sleeping with her ex. Here, the GF LIED and schemed to keep this a secret.

BIG DIFFERENCE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a fan of you, op. First, this is one more example of why living together before marriage is a bad idea, you essentially made things so unpleasant she left which means her sister became involved in your drama. I also have a sister, and I’d not feel warmly about a guy who did this to her, you are still thinking you needed to “cool off”? How will that work when you two are married or have children? Let me guess, she’s not on the lease? If she is, you can’t kick her out the next time you need to “cool off”. You certainly can’t do it when kids come along.. and believe me there will be plenty of times when you two will need to stay put and sort out your differences. I don’t like your fighting methods.

No matter how p**ssed off you are, a sweet hug and kiss always makes the day better. Try that the next time you get a girlfriend.

As for your friend, you don’t need enemies. Sounds like he wants you to remain single.
I’m also trying to calculate the odds of a girl meeting both of you online as opposed to meeting one of you through the other, and then finding you both attractive enough to sleep with? Are you sure the timeline is right? Might that really be your concern?



If I was the girlfriend in this situation, and I believe your story, I’d leave. I wouldn’t want my husband to have a friend who “told on me” like I was a naughty child. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who made life so unpleasant I felt I had to leave when I’d done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t want to involve my family in what is essentially sexual drama that happened before we were a couple.

If you like this girl, loose the friend and put a ring on it this weekend.

psst - it's past noon, so maybe it's time for you to take your meds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, your friend knew what to irrelevant krap to dig up to break up your relationship. Full stop.

Sounds like you need the Ted Lasso Diamond Dogs talk they gave Roy…

Ie Grow up and get over your girlfriends past lovers or BFs. She wants you.

Yours to screw up Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, your friend knew what to irrelevant krap to dig up to break up your relationship. Full stop.

Sounds like you need the Ted Lasso Diamond Dogs talk they gave Roy…

nice try but fail. In the Ted Lasso episode to which you are referring, Keely was HONEST about sleeping with her ex. Here, the GF LIED and schemed to keep this a secret.

BIG DIFFERENCE

You mean they were together then had a fight where he stopped talking to her so she went back to an ex?

BIG DIFFERENCE.

Point remains to choose to get over her past flings or relationships or not.

They all sound like they’re 24 yo or something lame that this is even still being discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a fan of you, op. First, this is one more example of why living together before marriage is a bad idea, you essentially made things so unpleasant she left which means her sister became involved in your drama. I also have a sister, and I’d not feel warmly about a guy who did this to her, you are still thinking you needed to “cool off”? How will that work when you two are married or have children? Let me guess, she’s not on the lease? If she is, you can’t kick her out the next time you need to “cool off”. You certainly can’t do it when kids come along.. and believe me there will be plenty of times when you two will need to stay put and sort out your differences. I don’t like your fighting methods.

No matter how p**ssed off you are, a sweet hug and kiss always makes the day better. Try that the next time you get a girlfriend.

As for your friend, you don’t need enemies. Sounds like he wants you to remain single.
I’m also trying to calculate the odds of a girl meeting both of you online as opposed to meeting one of you through the other, and then finding you both attractive enough to sleep with? Are you sure the timeline is right? Might that really be your concern?



If I was the girlfriend in this situation, and I believe your story, I’d leave. I wouldn’t want my husband to have a friend who “told on me” like I was a naughty child. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who made life so unpleasant I felt I had to leave when I’d done nothing wrong. I wouldn’t want to involve my family in what is essentially sexual drama that happened before we were a couple.

If you like this girl, loose the friend and put a ring on it this weekend.

+1000

I hope the woman - or “girl” - runs from these two juveniles.