I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

[Anonymous]

I can’t help but feel that DH and I did something wrong that all 3 of our grown kids have no interest in marriage or kids. We’ve been happily married for 35 years, and all our kids are doing well in terms of social, economic, emotional, and educational outlook. But the mid-thirties daughter bounces from one relationship to another, the late-twenties daughter has been living with her boyfriend for 5 years and talks vaguely about marriage but doesn’t seem to care one way or the other, and the late-twenties son is single and disinterested in dating.

I know my kids have the right to wait to have kids—or to be childfree—but I want to be a grandparent so badly. I’m having intense jealousy because both my sister and my SIL (husband’s sister) are about to become grandparents.

Ugh. Just venting.

[Anonymous]

Give them a few years. Dating is hard, especially for women these days. I’m a 31 year old woman married to a 35 year old man in Bethesda and the below observations come from my experience with my peers in the DC and NYC area. (it’s even tougher in NYC than around here).

I would guess that your mid thirties daughter is bouncing between relationships because she doesn’t want to settle in finding her spouse and doesn’t want to waste time with men for too long that aren’t “the one”. Your late twenties daughter will get engaged to her long term boyfriend as soon as the boyfriend’s friends start proposing to their girlfriends (men seem to have herd mentality about these things and when one in a friend group takes the plunge, they all follow suit within 1-2 years...if your daughter is attending a lot of weddings these days then you probably don’t have too much longer to wait). As for your late twenties son, he probably feels very little social pressure to settle down yet but around age 31-33 this will shift. He will probably propose to his first serious girlfriend he has during this timeframe.

Don’t despair and have a little patience. If anything support your oldest daughter without judgment because she is probably really hoping to settle down.. Maybe discuss egg freezing and offer to pay if you have the means to do so.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is hard. Kids are expensive. The divorce rate is too high in this country.

They’re being smart about this and you’re being old-fashioned.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame them. Can you imagine the world in 50 years?

[Anonymous]

My parents despaired that I was an old maid. I was 34 when I got married, but in my culture, if you are 26 and not married, you are an old maid. And I was not even in a serious relationship. Why? Because I wanted to be dam* sure I was ready for marriage and found the right person to be with. I *never* thought about having kids. I am not a kid person. IMO, that's a personality thing. But, after getting married to the right person, we now have two kids.

As for the 20 something yr old son, he is disinterested in a serious relationship more than likely rather than "dating". Maybe he needs time to mature a bit. Many men are still pretty immature at 20 something.

They probably don't tell you everything about their "relationships" because they know how you feel, and they don't want to get into it with you.

They may never have kids or get married, and it may suck for you, but if that is not what they want, then you have to just accept it, and don't push it because that will just push them away and annoy them. Believe me, I know how that feels.

[Anonymous]

Find another way to satisfy your grandparent desires. I particularly like this program: https://accessjca.org/interages/ (It's not a Jewish program, even though it's housed at JCA).

[Anonymous]

Parents often seem so eager to make their children feel “independent”, but in reality no one is.

[Anonymous]

I was 40 when I became a parent. At the rate people are marrying. I'll be lucky if I see them get married and may not live to see any grandchildren. It is what it is. I try to enjoy the fleeting time with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Late 20’s is too young to marry

[Anonymous]

Take a breath and let them figure out their own lives. If you want babies become a foster parent. Or volunteer as a tutor in a low income school. Or...something.

[Anonymous]

I think popular culture is encouraging people not to have children. Long term, how will that impact us culturally, socially, etc.?

Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Not everything is about you and your wants. I hope you are not guilt-tripping your kids about this and if you are you need to stop immediately.

[Anonymous]

OP, be proud of the fact that your kids are choosing to do what is best for them and making their own decisions vs caving to what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think popular culture is encouraging people not to have children. Long term, how will that impact us culturally, socially, etc.?

Think about it.

No. Millennials have noticed that motherhood sucks! Long-term...it will be better for the planet!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everything is about you and your wants. I hope you are not guilt-tripping your kids about this and if you are you need to stop immediately.

Agree! You need to get your own life and mind your own business.