I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand since I'm in the same boat, daughter is 38 and son is 34. My daughter and her significant other have no interest in having children and my son doesn't seem interested in dating since he had his heart broken years ago. I had my daughter young, I was 20, and always thought I would be a young grandma. I am realizing that this may never happen. I come from a large family and have 12 great nieces and nephews with another on the way. It's nice that I see children once in a while but it's not the same as having your own grandchildren. I don't ever bug my children about having kids but I am really sad that I will never be a grandma. I've hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at my house for years and always looked forward to the day when children would be at Christmas again. I always wanted children and always thought my children would have children. It makes me sad but I do think the world is going down the tubes so maybe it's better in the end.

[Anonymous]

I have three in their 30’s and only one is married and there is no talk yet about having children. One of my dear friends has three children and now eight grandchildren and the oldest is only about 7. I am so envious of her because she adores them and they adore her. Her Christmas card was her surrounded by all of them. Oh, well! Maybe someday.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I see I'm not alone, which is both bittersweet & comforting.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

I've had plenty of time being an empty nester, and I'm ready to retire from my business in a couple of years. Thus, I'll have a good bit of time to help raise grandkids, and the intense help will likely only be requested in the 0-4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

Yep. This.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with those who say to try to make peace with it, but also don't give up hope. People just get married and have kids a lot later. My parents probably had given up but I got married in my late 30s and had 3 kids in quick succession. Brother didn't get married until 45 but he has kids now too. So they got their grandchildren, just a lot later than they thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer free child care or to pay for a nanny. I wish my parents could help in that way and would remove a huge barrier to parenthood.

Entitled much? If you cannot support your own kids, then don't have kids.
We hired a nanny so my parents could enjoy thier retirement years (they would ocassionally babysit). It meant cutting back on some luxuries, vacations, etc - but our kids, our sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

Yep. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't blame them. Can you imagine the world in 50 years?

That’s what I was thinking! I actually will probably actively discourage parenthood (unless adoption)

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat too, OP. Three kids and the only chance of grandchildren might be from the youngest. The older two seem to have no interest in relationships and/or children. Yes, some of it is selfishness on my part with wanting grandchildren and I am envious of friends who do have them, but I also worry about my children in the future when they're older and have no family of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer free child care or to pay for a nanny. I wish my parents could help in that way and would remove a huge barrier to parenthood.

Entitled much? If you cannot support your own kids, then don't have kids.
We hired a nanny so my parents could enjoy thier retirement years (they would ocassionally babysit). It meant cutting back on some luxuries, vacations, etc - but our kids, our sacrifice.

No one said she had to do this but it would certainly help her children consider having babies more seriously if she was able/ willing to help. Day care is super expensive and one of the reasons many millennial have to wait.

[Anonymous]

^
sure, but the Millennials I know are also flying to fancy vacations, driving fancy cars, foodies, and prob makes more out of college then previous generations....about priorities (not hardship).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^
sure, but the Millennials I know are also flying to fancy vacations, driving fancy cars, foodies, and prob makes more out of college then previous generations....about priorities (not hardship).

So? Your priorities do not trump millennials priorities. Not everyone wants to make YOUR lifestyle choices. At least the millennial’s are “green.” Misery loves company I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer free child care or to pay for a nanny. I wish my parents could help in that way and would remove a huge barrier to parenthood.

Entitled much? If you cannot support your own kids, then don't have kids.
We hired a nanny so my parents could enjoy thier retirement years (they would ocassionally babysit). It meant cutting back on some luxuries, vacations, etc - but our kids, our sacrifice.

No one said she had to do this but it would certainly help her children consider having babies more seriously if she was able/ willing to help. Day care is super expensive and one of the reasons many millennial have to wait.

NP here and involved grandparents was the main reason I had kids “early” (starting age 29) but not because of cost. I didn’t want to quit my career but I also didn’t want DB to be with an unrelated childcare worker for the majority of their waking hours. I probably would have delayed kids for a few years until I was more settled in my career, but my Mom made it clear that she was willing to help, so I felt a lot more comfortable going to work with her around to supervise the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat too, OP. Three kids and the only chance of grandchildren might be from the youngest. The older two seem to have no interest in relationships and/or children. Yes, some of it is selfishness on my part with wanting grandchildren and I am envious of friends who do have them, but I also worry about my children in the future when they're older and have no family of their own.

Np. I wouldnt worry about kids having no family when they get older. They will find a way. Plus having kids is no guarantee that they will have care for you when you need it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want kids when I was 30. By the time I was 36 I had two.

There is hope that they'll change their minds.