I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I read this thread, I was struck by how much it mirrored my own experience, and then I realized I’d started it.

Things are the same. Kids still: #1 dating but not settling down; #2 dating for 5+ years and not committed (though she still talks about marriage and kids); and #3 not dating at all, and he recently came out as asexual (which...makes sense).

I love them and they love me, and I will continue to wait and try to be patient for what comes next. By my age, my mom was a grandparent several times over. Maybe in a decade I will be a grandmother. Fingers crossed!

OP, you sound insufferable. Be more concerned with your children's physical and mental well-being than wishing that they fulfill your emotional void to be a grandparent.

She seems to be very concerned about her kids. Stop inserting your own projections.

NP here. I disagree. She doesn't show any concern for her kids. Just herself. I see that a lot these days. Very selfish grandmas.

Yes, the OP's narrative is "I want my children to have children so that I can enjoy grandchildren". But children doesn't make everyone happy. OP, check out the 'I mostly regret my children" thread that is gaining replies now. You might have some perspective after reading through the responses.

It's a rarity to read that, and if you do, you will notice that she's upset about her adult kids.

You seem to think that there is pressure from grandparents for their own selfish needs. If yoy ask most people, they will say it's really about their enjoyment of watching their kids have a family...not about what they are getting out of it. And, even if it's something they want...what is selfish? To love a child, to help take care of a child, to watch the bridge ftom generation to generation?

I imagine all these 30 somethings at 44, 55, 65, 75...sure hope they looooooove their career because when it's all said and done, it's the family that counts, not the promotions, the marble backsplash, the cars...These grandparents are wishing for their kids' lives....the joys and the future..for when they won't even be here. If not kids, then a life partner, a family- something fulfilling other than things.

It's not always about being selfish. Parents generally want their kids to be happy, and they carry the perspective from before they were parents, to when their parents became grandparents, etc. They experienced that connection between the generations. People without kids don't understand that...they don't understand that type of love, so they decide it must be selfishness on the parents' part. Maybe these parents just love their kids . So, don't have children, it is your choice, and no one can demand or insist that you do, but don't try to explain what you don't know about to someone who does know. No, they aren't being selfish. Kids aren't things.

Repeat after me. Not everybody wants that lifestyle. Not everybody is family-oriented. I know I'm not! Of course I love my family, but my work is going to come first. Some people want to put their career first. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes for different folks. End of discussion!

This! Also some women do not care about their careers and still are not interested in having kids. It is not either/or. Just no interest! Some women are not interested in being a parent anymore than they would be interested in being a plumber. Don’t know why do hard to understand.

Yeah, plumber= parenthood ??....Nope, not the same, poor analogy.
And please, don't have kids. Or fix my toilet.

DP. I'm not sure why some posters in this thread don't understand that people want to live differently. I have seen parents throw themselves into their careers, not go on family holidays because of their "job" and now the kids are older. To me that is a waste however their identity is wrapped up in their business or career. I do wonder if they will look back later and think wow I missed out, I missed it all.

I recently heard of an acquaintance who just disowned her daughter for being gay. Hmmm I wonder if she should have had kids and if later she will regret that level of hatred in herself. My point is there really are enough people already parents that shouldn't be and that is something that is a fact not an assumption.

I have seen people not want to have children and love their career or not care about a career. You don't need to have a child to suddenly acknowledge the love that is there between a parent and a child and why some people would want that in their life. I just don't understand why it's so hard for others to understand that some people can see that and simply not want it. There is a lot more to being a parent than just that love.

I agree with the above poster. They are not saying being a plumber is = to being a parent. They are talking about interest level. I agree, why would I become a parent if I don't have an interest, if I never had an interest, if I see all the parents around me and don't want that why would I go and do it, because others tell me I'll miss out? It's ok because the parents around me look at me and say "I wouldn't want to be without my children".

People in this thread seem to think life is solely to grow up, get married, have babies, become a grandmother, retire, die. Good for you however people are so varied now and that is ok. I have to laugh when people say "oh and please don't have kids" and I think to myself "yeah one step ahead of you, I'm not having children because of that attitude because I know myself because I already know my low level of interest would make me a grumpy wine drinking mother and who wants to be that, certainly not me but thanks for agreeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. When I read this thread, I was struck by how much it mirrored my own experience, and then I realized I’d started it.

Things are the same. Kids still: #1 dating but not settling down; #2 dating for 5+ years and not committed (though she still talks about marriage and kids); and #3 not dating at all, and he recently came out as asexual (which...makes sense).

I love them and they love me, and I will continue to wait and try to be patient for what comes next. By my age, my mom was a grandparent several times over. Maybe in a decade I will be a grandmother. Fingers crossed!

OP, you sound insufferable. Be more concerned with your children's physical and mental well-being than wishing that they fulfill your emotional void to be a grandparent.

She seems to be very concerned about her kids. Stop inserting your own projections.

NP here. I disagree. She doesn't show any concern for her kids. Just herself. I see that a lot these days. Very selfish grandmas.

Yes, the OP's narrative is "I want my children to have children so that I can enjoy grandchildren". But children doesn't make everyone happy. OP, check out the 'I mostly regret my children" thread that is gaining replies now. You might have some perspective after reading through the responses.

It's a rarity to read that, and if you do, you will notice that she's upset about her adult kids.

You seem to think that there is pressure from grandparents for their own selfish needs. If yoy ask most people, they will say it's really about their enjoyment of watching their kids have a family...not about what they are getting out of it. And, even if it's something they want...what is selfish? To love a child, to help take care of a child, to watch the bridge ftom generation to generation?

I imagine all these 30 somethings at 44, 55, 65, 75...sure hope they looooooove their career because when it's all said and done, it's the family that counts, not the promotions, the marble backsplash, the cars...These grandparents are wishing for their kids' lives....the joys and the future..for when they won't even be here. If not kids, then a life partner, a family- something fulfilling other than things.

It's not always about being selfish. Parents generally want their kids to be happy, and they carry the perspective from before they were parents, to when their parents became grandparents, etc. They experienced that connection between the generations. People without kids don't understand that...they don't understand that type of love, so they decide it must be selfishness on the parents' part. Maybe these parents just love their kids . So, don't have children, it is your choice, and no one can demand or insist that you do, but don't try to explain what you don't know about to someone who does know. No, they aren't being selfish. Kids aren't things.

Repeat after me. Not everybody wants that lifestyle. Not everybody is family-oriented. I know I'm not! Of course I love my family, but my work is going to come first. Some people want to put their career first. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes for different folks. End of discussion!

This! Also some women do not care about their careers and still are not interested in having kids. It is not either/or. Just no interest! Some women are not interested in being a parent anymore than they would be interested in being a plumber. Don’t know why do hard to understand.

Yeah, plumber= parenthood ??....Nope, not the same, poor analogy.
And please, don't have kids. Or fix my toilet.

DP. I'm not sure why some posters in this thread don't understand that people want to live differently. I have seen parents throw themselves into their careers, not go on family holidays because of their "job" and now the kids are older. To me that is a waste however their identity is wrapped up in their business or career. I do wonder if they will look back later and think wow I missed out, I missed it all.

I recently heard of an acquaintance who just disowned her daughter for being gay. Hmmm I wonder if she should have had kids and if later she will regret that level of hatred in herself. My point is there really are enough people already parents that shouldn't be and that is something that is a fact not an assumption.

I have seen people not want to have children and love their career or not care about a career. You don't need to have a child to suddenly acknowledge the love that is there between a parent and a child and why some people would want that in their life. I just don't understand why it's so hard for others to understand that some people can see that and simply not want it. There is a lot more to being a parent than just that love.

I agree with the above poster. They are not saying being a plumber is = to being a parent. They are talking about interest level. I agree, why would I become a parent if I don't have an interest, if I never had an interest, if I see all the parents around me and don't want that why would I go and do it, because others tell me I'll miss out? It's ok because the parents around me look at me and say "I wouldn't want to be without my children".

People in this thread seem to think life is solely to grow up, get married, have babies, become a grandmother, retire, die. Good for you however people are so varied now and that is ok. I have to laugh when people say "oh and please don't have kids" and I think to myself "yeah one step ahead of you, I'm not having children because of that attitude because I know myself because I already know my low level of interest would make me a grumpy wine drinking mother and who wants to be that, certainly not me but thanks for agreeing.

You are welcome.