I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP.
I feel our kids still haven't worked out their place in the world despite being in their 30s. They are working, but relationships are fleeting and no core family awaits them in the future. No kids, and no extended family with nieces and nephews.
My cousins' kids...all....are married, happily, yes it appears so, with children, and they are all enjoying each other and getting together. I think of the joy in the future for them, long after we are gone, and my kids will be in some apartment with a bunch of houseplants, maybe a partner. There will be no connections.

We were a happy family. It was sweet.

[Anonymous]

See the post on this topic thread, too.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are feel the need to snuggle babies and have some time, call / email your local hospital that has a NICU unit. They often need volunteers to hold babies when mom and dad can't be there 24/7.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ wherever you are, check in again in a few years. Let us know if things have changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.

There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.

I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.


Whatever you do make sure you treat both sets of grandkids equally. Don’t be like some of the grandparents here who only help/ babysit one set of grandkids, creating resentment and issues down the line.
There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.

I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.


Whatever you do make sure you treat both sets of grandkids equally. Don’t be like some of the grandparents here who only help/ babysit one set of grandkids, creating resentment and issues down the line.
There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.

I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

Whatever you do make sure you treat both sets of grandkids equally. Don’t be like some of the grandparents here who only help/ babysit one set of grandkids, creating resentment and issues down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are feel the need to snuggle babies and have some time, call / email your local hospital that has a NICU unit. They often need volunteers to hold babies when mom and dad can't be there 24/7.

Sure, we can do that, too. Nice! We like everyone's kids. But it's not a family. The family is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 20’s is too young to marry

Not really. Female fertility declines quickly in your 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 20’s is too young to marry

Not really. Female fertility declines quickly in your 30s.

Not everything in life is about marriage and babies! Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone wants that type of lifestyle?! Instead of OP mourning that she might not get grandchildren, she should be proud that her kids are thinking for themselves and not conforming to what society thinks they should be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 20’s is too young to marry

Not really. Female fertility declines quickly in your 30s.

Not everything in life is about marriage and babies! Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone wants that type of lifestyle?! Instead of OP mourning that she might not get grandchildren, she should be proud that her kids are thinking for themselves and not conforming to what society thinks they should be doing.

+1 Plus, I can't imagine any caring parent having a desire to see their own kids bring new children into this world right now. I feel horrible for my own kids and cannot imagine they want to subject others to this nightmare.

[Anonymous]

OP: Oh dear.

I'm 38 years old and have two children. I've been married for nearly all of my adult life. My college friends' parents are constantly using me to guilt them into getting married and having children.

It's been a brutal road. I don't regret my choices, but watching me struggle has really influenced my friends' choices to wait and take it slower. I am very fortunate in many ways, and my friends know what I have faced better than anyone. I don't feel superior (!) for choosing differently, and I don't envy them. I wish their parents would respect their choices and not use my life, which they don't know well, to suit their agenda.

If you entertain these thoughts on a forum, then I bet your children have heard them and have learned to keep their struggles and fears from you.

For the record, my parents are terribly disappointed in me, and I look like I have the perfect life. It's likely that you will never be happy with your children's choices. As a mother myself, it amazes me that anyone can entertain these thoughts about their adult children. Your children must be doing pretty well for you to be so privileged as to have these feelings. No one is entitled to grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.

There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.


My kids are slightly older than you but, I can't imagine looking forward to my kids having grandchildren. Before anyone says anything I know people are different! I am looking forward to helping them become independent and then doing things that my husband and I want to do. I raised the kids and now I would like to take classes, travel with my husband etc etc Obviously this is before Covid-19. I'm also looking forward to seeing what my children become and hopefully they will want to travel and make more memories just the four of us before they get into serious relationships. I want them to enjoy their 20s without the responsibilities of marriage and children.

If they choose never to marry or have kids I am ok with that.
I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.

There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.


My kids are slightly older than you but, I can't imagine looking forward to my kids having grandchildren. Before anyone says anything I know people are different! I am looking forward to helping them become independent and then doing things that my husband and I want to do. I raised the kids and now I would like to take classes, travel with my husband etc etc Obviously this is before Covid-19. I'm also looking forward to seeing what my children become and hopefully they will want to travel and make more memories just the four of us before they get into serious relationships. I want them to enjoy their 20s without the responsibilities of marriage and children.

If they choose never to marry or have kids I am ok with that.
I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

I'm the PP who said I look forward to grandchildren. That doesn't mean I want my kids to have kids young! Yes, I want them to enjoy their 20s, explore, find great partners, establish careers they love. But, parenting has also been a wonderful part of my life and I hope they have that too, ideally in their 30s (by which time I'll be in my 60s, retired and happy to help to the degree they'd like me to)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the perspective—it helps! As for the draw, I want more than anything to snuggle the baby from my baby. I know it’s not logical. I wasn’t even a baby person 30+ years ago when my kids were little. But there’s something about seeing my own child raise his or her own child that is awe-inspiring. I don’t think I can put it into words (clearly).

I'm the pushing 50 PP... I hear ya. I can't wait to hold my grandbaby in my arms one day (I hope), and then give the baby back to my kids when the baby gets fussy. See.. that's the thing... as grandparents, we don't have to deal with the hard part of parenting. We just want the lovely part of holding a sweet baby in our arms. But our children have to deal with the 24/7 stress of raising children. I don't want to put that on them if they are not ready just for my own selfish reasons. But yes, it would be amazing to see my children be parents one day.

But OP wants to watch the babies part time which means more than just handing the baby back. I guess I’m not at the stage of being a grandma but I don’t see the point of raising kids and then wanting to spend retirement raising kids again?

PT is still not waking up in the middle of the night for months/years on end. Maybe OP had easy babies; maybe OP has forgotten what it's like to be a parent of toddlers and their never ending supply of energy; maybe OP doesn't mind all of that.

There's this thing called "mommynesia", and it's why many of us have more than one babies. There's no such word as "daddynesia", and I hardly ever hear older men talk about wanting grandbabies so much. IMO, this is a woman thing that clearly stays with us well into our 50s and 60s.

My kids are only teens right now but I'm also looking forward to (I hope) having grandchildren and helping out as a babysitter. i haven't forgotten what babies/toddlers/preschoolers are like. I *loved* those years. Yes, my babies were easy so that helped but I just find little kids so much fun. But, Ii can see why someone who thought the little-kid years were a slog to get through not at all appealing to go through again.


My kids are slightly older than you but, I can't imagine looking forward to my kids having grandchildren. Before anyone says anything I know people are different! I am looking forward to helping them become independent and then doing things that my husband and I want to do. I raised the kids and now I would like to take classes, travel with my husband etc etc Obviously this is before Covid-19. I'm also looking forward to seeing what my children become and hopefully they will want to travel and make more memories just the four of us before they get into serious relationships. I want them to enjoy their 20s without the responsibilities of marriage and children.

If they choose never to marry or have kids I am ok with that.
I won't be surprised if DD doesn't have kids or waits a long time but I hope DS is able to have kids -- he's wonderful with little children and is the rare teen boy who is an in-demand babysitter.

I'm the PP who said I look forward to grandchildren. That doesn't mean I want my kids to have kids young! Yes, I want them to enjoy their 20s, explore, find great partners, establish careers they love. But, parenting has also been a wonderful part of my life and I hope they have that too, ideally in their 30s (by which time I'll be in my 60s, retired and happy to help to the degree they'd like me to)

But what if they don't want that until they are in their 40s or ever?