Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much navel-gazing and armchair therapy around a very simple answer to the OP's question: they do it because it feels good. Same reason as people take drugs or make other doubtful choices. It feels good in the moment. That's all.

Obviously but there is much more to it than that. Exercise, eating donuts, wearing makeup, smoking when you’re addicted, looking at pretty architecture, etc. all make you feel good, but the motivations for choosing the action that makes you feel good differ. I would say that making the choice to remain faithful to your spouse even when it’s hard feels really good too.

I'm sure shooting heroin would feel good too. I'm not going to blow up my life. Some of these people get addicted to the rush and do it over and over again.

The rush
The insecurity
The familiarity of betrayal
The fear of change
The ego
The craving
The entitlement
The guilt
The power
The pleasure
The anger


So many motivations amirite? To what end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much navel-gazing and armchair therapy around a very simple answer to the OP's question: they do it because it feels good. Same reason as people take drugs or make other doubtful choices. It feels good in the moment. That's all.

Obviously but there is much more to it than that. Exercise, eating donuts, wearing makeup, smoking when you’re addicted, looking at pretty architecture, etc. all make you feel good, but the motivations for choosing the action that makes you feel good differ. I would say that making the choice to remain faithful to your spouse even when it’s hard feels really good too.

The implication here is perfectly articulated. Agree, 100%.

Cheating is the only one in that list that can cause bodily harm to another unsuspecting spouse's health through disease and infection.

Go look at pretty architecture, smoke (spouse is aware and can isolate you from kids and him/herself to avoid second hand, wear make-up, eat donuts...

BUT stick you d(ck in another human, swallow someone else's giz---and bring your partner herpes, HIV, HPV, etc.

NOT EQUIVALENT AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much navel-gazing and armchair therapy around a very simple answer to the OP's question: they do it because it feels good. Same reason as people take drugs or make other doubtful choices. It feels good in the moment. That's all.

Obviously but there is much more to it than that. Exercise, eating donuts, wearing makeup, smoking when you’re addicted, looking at pretty architecture, etc. all make you feel good, but the motivations for choosing the action that makes you feel good differ. I would say that making the choice to remain faithful to your spouse even when it’s hard feels really good too.

The implication here is perfectly articulated. Agree, 100%.

Cheating is the only one in that list that can cause bodily harm to another unsuspecting spouse's health through disease and infection.

Go look at pretty architecture, smoke (spouse is aware and can isolate you from kids and him/herself to avoid second hand, wear make-up, eat donuts...

BUT stick you d(ck in another human, swallow someone else's giz---and bring your partner herpes, HIV, HPV, etc.

NOT EQUIVALENT AT ALL.

Um. No one is disagreeing with you here. That isn’t what is being discussed in the point you’re replying to. Not equivalence, or a false equivalence dear. We all agree that licking, swallowing, sucking and sticking something that is supposed to be private use as a public service is on a completely different level of trifling and dirty, slutty behavior that is unsanitary and just wrong. We also agree that this behavior is not the same as putting a needle of crack in your arms while pregnant and giving birth to a crack baby. We also agree that all things that feel good aren’t free license to partake in without some sort of accountability.

Partners are innocent. Babies born to crackheads were innocent. It was unfair.

What PP mentioned, and what was being highlighted — is the motivation. The motivation for this “feel good” betrayal. Or motivation for anything really.
You’re spinning out a bit. I’ve been betrayed too, so I get it, they’re assholes and selfish, rah rah rah — but let’s stay on topic with the discussion.

Motivation to be a whore sticking it everywhere, motivation to lie, motivation to betray. That gets to the mindset. There are a zillion reasons. One cheaters motivation is not the same as another’s. Some are aware, some may not even know because they aren’t that self introspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much navel-gazing and armchair therapy around a very simple answer to the OP's question: they do it because it feels good. Same reason as people take drugs or make other doubtful choices. It feels good in the moment. That's all.

Obviously but there is much more to it than that. Exercise, eating donuts, wearing makeup, smoking when you’re addicted, looking at pretty architecture, etc. all make you feel good, but the motivations for choosing the action that makes you feel good differ. I would say that making the choice to remain faithful to your spouse even when it’s hard feels really good too.

The implication here is perfectly articulated. Agree, 100%.

Cheating is the only one in that list that can cause bodily harm to another unsuspecting spouse's health through disease and infection.

Go look at pretty architecture, smoke (spouse is aware and can isolate you from kids and him/herself to avoid second hand, wear make-up, eat donuts...

BUT stick you d(ck in another human, swallow someone else's giz---and bring your partner herpes, HIV, HPV, etc.

NOT EQUIVALENT AT ALL.

Um. No one is disagreeing with you here. That isn’t what is being discussed in the point you’re replying to. Not equivalence, or a false equivalence dear. We all agree that licking, swallowing, sucking and sticking something that is supposed to be private use as a public service is on a completely different level of trifling and dirty, slutty behavior that is unsanitary and just wrong. We also agree that this behavior is not the same as putting a needle of crack in your arms while pregnant and giving birth to a crack baby. We also agree that all things that feel good aren’t free license to partake in without some sort of accountability.

Partners are innocent. Babies born to crackheads were innocent. It was unfair.

What PP mentioned, and what was being highlighted — is the motivation. The motivation for this “feel good” betrayal. Or motivation for anything really.
You’re spinning out a bit. I’ve been betrayed too, so I get it, they’re assholes and selfish, rah rah rah — but let’s stay on topic with the discussion.

Motivation to be a whore sticking it everywhere, motivation to lie, motivation to betray. That gets to the mindset. There are a zillion reasons. One cheaters motivation is not the same as another’s. Some are aware, some may not even know because they aren’t that self introspective.

It's not a 'motivation to feel good'. It's a 'coping mechanism'. Some drink, some suck strange d*ck behind their husband's backs. Whatever childhood trauma, severe low self-esteem or stress they are trying to relieve by doing that--even at a subconscious level.

[Anonymous]

It would be neat for the sexes to trade bodies for a day. Women would be back on here replying "oh yeah, that's why men cheat."

It's not complicated. Maybe immoral but not complicated. Perhaps it is for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So much navel-gazing and armchair therapy around a very simple answer to the OP's question: they do it because it feels good. Same reason as people take drugs or make other doubtful choices. It feels good in the moment. That's all.

Obviously but there is much more to it than that. Exercise, eating donuts, wearing makeup, smoking when you’re addicted, looking at pretty architecture, etc. all make you feel good, but the motivations for choosing the action that makes you feel good differ. I would say that making the choice to remain faithful to your spouse even when it’s hard feels really good too.

The implication here is perfectly articulated. Agree, 100%.

Cheating is the only one in that list that can cause bodily harm to another unsuspecting spouse's health through disease and infection.

Go look at pretty architecture, smoke (spouse is aware and can isolate you from kids and him/herself to avoid second hand, wear make-up, eat donuts...

BUT stick you d(ck in another human, swallow someone else's giz---and bring your partner herpes, HIV, HPV, etc.

NOT EQUIVALENT AT ALL.

Um. No one is disagreeing with you here. That isn’t what is being discussed in the point you’re replying to. Not equivalence, or a false equivalence dear. We all agree that licking, swallowing, sucking and sticking something that is supposed to be private use as a public service is on a completely different level of trifling and dirty, slutty behavior that is unsanitary and just wrong. We also agree that this behavior is not the same as putting a needle of crack in your arms while pregnant and giving birth to a crack baby. We also agree that all things that feel good aren’t free license to partake in without some sort of accountability.

Partners are innocent. Babies born to crackheads were innocent. It was unfair.

What PP mentioned, and what was being highlighted — is the motivation. The motivation for this “feel good” betrayal. Or motivation for anything really.
You’re spinning out a bit. I’ve been betrayed too, so I get it, they’re assholes and selfish, rah rah rah — but let’s stay on topic with the discussion.

Motivation to be a whore sticking it everywhere, motivation to lie, motivation to betray. That gets to the mindset. There are a zillion reasons. One cheaters motivation is not the same as another’s. Some are aware, some may not even know because they aren’t that self introspective.

It's not a 'motivation to feel good'. It's a 'coping mechanism'. Some drink, some suck strange d*ck behind their husband's backs. Whatever childhood trauma, severe low self-esteem or stress they are trying to relieve by doing that--even at a subconscious level.

Insightful observation there, champ.

Motivation can be relief of some sort of pain (coping mechanism).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be neat for the sexes to trade bodies for a day. Women would be back on here replying "oh yeah, that's why men cheat."

It's not complicated. Maybe immoral but not complicated. Perhaps it is for women

LOL. I’m a woman and agree. No doubt you would also be here oh, now we see why they don’t want to let me suckle on their breast after they’ve milked our spawn for the past 90 days without break.

We aren’t supposed to be the same. We should make attempts to see and respect the diffeeence. I wish men would take some time to understand why and how some women are motivated and their thought process. Not that it is the same at all or to change it — but if both sides do that we can reach understanding easier as we both pull weight to meet in the middle.

Doesn’t happen enough. Outside of therapy. Or church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 39 year old divorced mother who is bookmarking this thread. I’ll take a look at it anytime I think of marrying again. There is no value to marriage when you already have your own stability, wealth, and children. So much easier to leave a cheating partner than to untangle a cheating spouse from your life.

I posted above a year to the date, 4/25/2020. Still feel the same. I have meaningful intimacy, but I’m admittedly less and less inclined to consider marriage again.

[Anonymous]

Chumpladydotcom

All questions will be answered.

[Anonymous]

They like having the steady person and side action too. They are very selfish and only care about themselves. They are good at lying and gaslighting. But not forever. They plan to lie if they get caught. It’s all a game to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood cheaters and judged them harshly until I became one myself. Life is complicated. Humans are imperfect and selfish. Initiating divorce is not nearly as easy as it looks on TV.

All I can say is don’t judge until you have walked in another’s shoes. Though that will fall on deaf ears on this sanctimonious forum where no one has ever done wrong.

I’ve learned in life to never say never.

It is easy. You just like being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be neat for the sexes to trade bodies for a day. Women would be back on here replying "oh yeah, that's why men cheat."

It's not complicated. Maybe immoral but not complicated. Perhaps it is for women

But the thing is that not all men cheat when put in that position (some actually divorce first). So may be it's all about immorality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chumpladydotcom

All questions will be answered.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be neat for the sexes to trade bodies for a day. Women would be back on here replying "oh yeah, that's why men cheat."

It's not complicated. Maybe immoral but not complicated. Perhaps it is for women

But the thing is that not all men cheat when put in that position (some actually divorce first). So may be it's all about immorality.

I mean...ya got any studies to back that up? Also, if he jumps straight to divorce for fear of getting caught and then getting divorced, he probably just doesn't want to be married to his wife anymore. It has nothing to do with morals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be neat for the sexes to trade bodies for a day. Women would be back on here replying "oh yeah, that's why men cheat."

It's not complicated. Maybe immoral but not complicated. Perhaps it is for women

But the thing is that not all men cheat when put in that position (some actually divorce first). So may be it's all about immorality.

I mean...ya got any studies to back that up? Also, if he jumps straight to divorce for fear of getting caught and then getting divorced, he probably just doesn't want to be married to his wife anymore. It has nothing to do with morals.

do you have any stats to back up your "claims" or are you used to just spewing sh*t and not getting called out on it?