S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?

[Anonymous]

Just seems like unnecessary headache and drama for people in their 30s or 40 s and beyond. I'd rather put time into relationships that don't have a cloud over them. Plus I'd be a little uncomfortable spending time with someone who does things to irritate their spouse .

I've heard the she's insecure/ immature reasoning and that's got nothing to do with our relationship. But honestly that sounds a lot like the " she's crazy" excuse cheaters give and APs buy.
So help me understand ?

And yes I have male friends and my husband has female friends, but we all get along.

[Anonymous]

I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

[Anonymous]

My husband's married friend, who I hated and always treated me badly, helped him move out of our house suddenly one day. We became separated and the divorce followed soon after that. The friend eventually got a divorce, married my ex, and now they are divorced. Really glad to get away from all of that drama and so lucky that I didn't have kids with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

So any man texting your spouse after knowing them for 25 years is also dramatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

So any man texting your spouse after knowing them for 25 years is also dramatic?

Nice try sweetie we're talking about you . Try answering op's question what do you gain from participating in this drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's married friend, who I hated and always treated me badly, helped him move out of our house suddenly one day. We became separated and the divorce followed soon after that. The friend eventually got a divorce, married my ex, and now they are divorced. Really glad to get away from all of that drama and so lucky that I didn't have kids with him.

..
. I bet she was like pp claiming to be a supportive friend. Glad you got out of the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

NP. You sounds deranged. You can drive away every woman your husband knows, it’s not going to stop him from getting sick of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

So any man texting your spouse after knowing them for 25 years is also dramatic?

Nice try sweetie we're talking about you . Try answering op's question what do you gain from participating in this drama?

PP isn’t the one creating drama, you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just seems like unnecessary headache and drama for people in their 30s or 40 s and beyond. I'd rather put time into relationships that don't have a cloud over them. Plus I'd be a little uncomfortable spending time with someone who does things to irritate their spouse .

I've heard the she's insecure/ immature reasoning and that's got nothing to do with our relationship. But honestly that sounds a lot like the " she's crazy" excuse cheaters give and APs buy.
So help me understand ?

And yes I have male friends and my husband has female friends, but we all get along.

I think people who are being abused, including emotionally, by their SOs need their friends more than anyone.

[Anonymous]

Well, I assume everyone is straight here, and we are talking about "BFF" type friendships between the DH or the DW and another person of the opposite gender. I assume we are not talking about friends who might grab lunch together here and there, or mid-level friendships that are very out in the open and inclusive. I assume we are talking about "BFF" type closeness, which would mean that the two people spend a ton of time talking - either in person or electronically some how, plus some degree of emotional intimacy that is more complex than just "I want what's best for my friend."

I think in a few of these cases, you have a long-time female friend who realizes that her male friend has become caught up in a seriously toxic relationship, and the female plays the long game out of genuine concern for her friend, who will likely end up in some dumpster fire of a divorce at some point.

However, in more cases, I believe there is some sort of sexual alchemy that can be unspoken. When you're talking about trying to maintain a marriage over the course of many decades, I don't think it is good to have opposite gender "close friends" just kind of always there and circling like sharks, seemingly waiting for something to happen. I think it is also weird, because if a man and a woman get along really well, I think it is natural for them to get together at some point. I wouldn't want to marry a man who had one of these friends. I think the friendship is a further risk when it is not clear why they are not together. You're pretty much asking for one of them to wonder what might have been during one of their late night conversations. Mother nature is NOT on the wife's side here.

Each friendship should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, but a lot of these type situations sure do have a "back up plan" type feel to them.

[Anonymous]

Why does she hate you? Is she concerned you have been serving hubby bluefin albacore?

[Anonymous]

Chris Rock on platonic friends...surprisingly accurate. LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zywIR_ZFLts

[Anonymous]

I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Sending an occasional text is texting. So you're hoping they split up and he comes looking for you? Agree with op women like you love drama.

So any man texting your spouse after knowing them for 25 years is also dramatic?

Nice try sweetie we're talking about you . Try answering op's question what do you gain from participating in this drama?

PP isn’t the one creating drama, you are.

+1!