S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?

[Anonymous]

Just get some more female friends. If he has a wife and young kids he doesn’t have time to hang it with married women one on one. Maybe lunch at the office?

To me this isn’t about you, it’s about his time and responsibilities to his family and socializing with loads of other people take away from that.

Heck, some men here don’t know how to plan anything for their wife and kids— then to go around planning his personal social calendar. Boy, he’d hear about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Is this OP who wrote this follow up?

If so you just showed your true colors. Nothing to say. Good luck with your Master Plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just get some more female friends. If he has a wife and young kids he doesn’t have time to hang it with married women one on one. Maybe lunch at the office?

To me this isn’t about you, it’s about his time and responsibilities to his family and socializing with loads of other people take away from that.

Heck, some men here don’t know how to plan anything for their wife and kids— then to go around planning his personal social calendar. Boy, he’d hear about that.

I think you’re confused about who you’re talking to. The friend isn’t here complaining, the wife is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not there for his wife. I’m there for my friend of over 25 years. The drama is hers. I don’t text, call, or any of it, but will sent a very very occasional text. He’s going to need his real friends in a few years.

I don’t buy into drama, but I do believe in friendship.

Is this OP who wrote this follow up?

If so you just showed your true colors. Nothing to say. Good luck with your Master Plan.

Why in the world do you think this is OP?

[Anonymous]

For me: my childhood and college male friends, I GI iut if my way to plan group stuff or visits and Cc the wife. We’re all friends.
I do not however, go do solo drinks or meals with just the guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

[Anonymous]

I've 2 male friends who I've known since college. The crazy wives hated me (super insecure). Predictably the men kicked the dead weight wives to the curb and now they are the ex, long gone. Both men are remarries wo wonderful women and we are all friends and socialize as couples.

Crazy eventually resolved itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

Exchanging some texts and having lunch once in a while isn’t putting yourself in the middle of someone’s marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

The difference between us is I don’t let other people’s crazy stress me out. If she’s losing her mind every time we get coffee, that’s her problem. I don’t worry about it because there’s no conflict in my friendship or in my marriage. It’s all good here.

[Anonymous]

Different sexes, but I’m a woman with an insecure DH who doesn’t want me to have male friends. I’ve found it easier to just keep both sides very separate- DH doesn’t know who my male friends are, and my male friends don’t know that my DH dislikes them. Everyone is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

Exchanging some texts and having lunch once in a while isn’t putting yourself in the middle of someone’s marriage.

Yes, I agree. However, if doing so sets his wife off I would not do it. I would have a talk with him and explain to him that I do not want to be the target of his wife's wrath and resentment. We'll need to talk on Facebook unless/until his wife settles down about us being around each other.

[Anonymous]

I'm the one that started the other thread and I once had a very close friendship with him over many years, a very difficult training program and life events for myself. At that time it was not inappropriate for either of us (aka in between relationships or not in serious relationships). Since then it's a once a year or less, actually more often this year that we see each other if we happen to be in each others towns. Never text, rarely speak so not a frequent friend but still means a lot to me because it's the only friend from that time in my life. I respect boundaries and marriages. I don't ask about their relationship. We mostly talk about our work / field and catch up on family and friend news. Not inappropriate in my opinion.