S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the one crazy aggressive responder, I’m sure.

Go ahead and ask Jeff.

[Anonymous]

Wow, 75% of these posts are OP. She’s not even trying to sock puppet, she just stop stop herself from spewing out more nonsense.

Well OP, the good thing is, I think you’ve answered your own question about why people don’t want their spouses hanging out with you.

[Anonymous]

What do you have to gain?

Well if you keep posting on DCUM we all gain from the hilarity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 75% of these posts are OP. She’s not even trying to sock puppet, she just stop stop herself from spewing out more nonsense.

Well OP, the good thing is, I think you’ve answered your own question about why people don’t want their spouses hanging out with you.

Why do you keep assuming all of the posts on the side of maintaining friendships are OP even though OP was openly critical of such friendships? This whole thread is so bizarre in its paranoia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let's be honest here. It is because women know that most men aren't really friends with women just for being friends. It might have ended that way, but most guys always have an ulterior motive. Any woman that is not butt ugly has experienced that. Friends only till he starts pursuing you. So, while women might never be into that guy friend, he was, in 99%, into that female friend, if he is straight, at one point, and hoped for something. So year, she might not be worried that the female friend has feeling for her DH, she is most likely worried about his feelings for you.


+1.

I don't know any men who are interested in close friendships with women.

So my husband has a few close female friends, but he was friends with them before we met (so he's known them for a long time). I have absolutely no issue with that - it makes sense that he would continue these friendships (even if they started out as him being interested in something more, they never went that way). But I would be weirded out and concerned if, now that we are married, DH suddenly made a new close female friend. Does that make sense? I'm not sure, but it is how I feel.

It makes sense to me. I shut down a budding friendship between my dh and a woman (Larla) once. I never got the feeling she wanted anything more than someone to ride biking trails with, but I didn't like it. Dh was fine with cutting her off (creating distance). Months later, my friend (through whom we met Larla) told me that her husband and Larla had had a brief friendship based on a different shared hobby, but Larla did want more from him, and went a little crazy on them when they cut her out.

Anyway, my story is anecdotal, but I think once in your 30s, it's rare for a single person to really be ok with pursuing a strictly platonic friendship with the opposite sex. It just is.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you put a little more effort into yourself you wouldn’t worry about him sleeping with his hotter friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 75% of these posts are OP. She’s not even trying to sock puppet, she just stop stop herself from spewing out more nonsense.

Well OP, the good thing is, I think you’ve answered your own question about why people don’t want their spouses hanging out with you.

Why do you keep assuming all of the posts on the side of maintaining friendships are OP even though OP was openly critical of such friendships? This whole thread is so bizarre in its paranoia.

C’mon, let’s not be stupid. The OP of the “Friend’s Wife” thread is clearly the insufferable, aggressive pp in this thread and obviously the “OP” referred to here. But you knew that, “friend”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let's be honest here. It is because women know that most men aren't really friends with women just for being friends. It might have ended that way, but most guys always have an ulterior motive. Any woman that is not butt ugly has experienced that. Friends only till he starts pursuing you. So, while women might never be into that guy friend, he was, in 99%, into that female friend, if he is straight, at one point, and hoped for something. So year, she might not be worried that the female friend has feeling for her DH, she is most likely worried about his feelings for you.


+1.

I don't know any men who are interested in close friendships with women.

So my husband has a few close female friends, but he was friends with them before we met (so he's known them for a long time). I have absolutely no issue with that - it makes sense that he would continue these friendships (even if they started out as him being interested in something more, they never went that way). But I would be weirded out and concerned if, now that we are married, DH suddenly made a new close female friend. Does that make sense? I'm not sure, but it is how I feel.

It makes sense to me. I shut down a budding friendship between my dh and a woman (Larla) once. I never got the feeling she wanted anything more than someone to ride biking trails with, but I didn't like it. Dh was fine with cutting her off (creating distance). Months later, my friend (through whom we met Larla) told me that her husband and Larla had had a brief friendship based on a different shared hobby, but Larla did want more from him, and went a little crazy on them when they cut her out.

Anyway, my story is anecdotal, but I think once in your 30s, it's rare for a single person to really be ok with pursuing a strictly platonic friendship with the opposite sex. It just is.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let's be honest here. It is because women know that most men aren't really friends with women just for being friends. It might have ended that way, but most guys always have an ulterior motive. Any woman that is not butt ugly has experienced that. Friends only till he starts pursuing you. So, while women might never be into that guy friend, he was, in 99%, into that female friend, if he is straight, at one point, and hoped for something. So year, she might not be worried that the female friend has feeling for her DH, she is most likely worried about his feelings for you.


+1.

I don't know any men who are interested in close friendships with women.

So my husband has a few close female friends, but he was friends with them before we met (so he's known them for a long time). I have absolutely no issue with that - it makes sense that he would continue these friendships (even if they started out as him being interested in something more, they never went that way). But I would be weirded out and concerned if, now that we are married, DH suddenly made a new close female friend. Does that make sense? I'm not sure, but it is how I feel.

It makes sense to me. I shut down a budding friendship between my dh and a woman (Larla) once. I never got the feeling she wanted anything more than someone to ride biking trails with, but I didn't like it. Dh was fine with cutting her off (creating distance). Months later, my friend (through whom we met Larla) told me that her husband and Larla had had a brief friendship based on a different shared hobby, but Larla did want more from him, and went a little crazy on them when they cut her out.

Anyway, my story is anecdotal, but I think once in your 30s, it's rare for a single person to really be ok with pursuing a strictly platonic friendship with the opposite sex. It just is.

+1

?

I think it’s precious how all these jealous women just HAPPEN to have all these other women prowling around thier amazing, yet innocent and unsuspecting husbands.

Seriously, sometimes all a girl wants is for someone to go mountain biking with her, because all the other girls are too busy at home in a tizzy about dining room furniture.

[Anonymous]

Can’t stop, won’t stop. - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

+1 but exceptions made for friendships that pre-date the marriage. I wouldn't abandon a lifelong friend because their spouse hated me but I would not start a friendship with a guy who was married who's SO hated me.

I don't think it matters actually. Who cares if you knew the guy before he married his wife? He still married HER. That is the one he is committed to and if she hates your guts, doesn't want you to hang out with him and he knew that when he married her....he really should not be getting together with you.

Exactly, this is a married couple. OP needs to leave them alone. Things change when you get married. You either have friends of the same sex or couple friends together. The DH needs to stop responding to OP as well OP if the wife hates you what your're doing is basically harassment. Just stop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

Go find another dude. You are way out of touch here. You are adding fuel to the fire and you are the one who will get burned.

No, I’m not, but enjoy that fantasy.

If you are triggering his wife's rage then you are absolutely adding fuel to the fire. You think that you are a good friend but, in reality, you aren't doing him any favors. You are stoking the flames while munching on popcorn.

I'm not buying anything OP is saying. She is jealous of the wife, why she continues to bother this guy.

The only crazy I see is OP. She is the outsider, they are the married couple. Maybe she was hoping he'd marry her, more to this story for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

Go find another dude. You are way out of touch here. You are adding fuel to the fire and you are the one who will get burned.

No, I’m not, but enjoy that fantasy.

If you are triggering his wife's rage then you are absolutely adding fuel to the fire. You think that you are a good friend but, in reality, you aren't doing him any favors. You are stoking the flames while munching on popcorn.

I'm not buying anything OP is saying. She is jealous of the wife, why she continues to bother this guy.

The only crazy I see is OP. She is the outsider, they are the married couple. Maybe she was hoping he'd marry her, more to this story for sure.

Doesn’t soundlike the guy is all that bothered by it. Friendship is a two-way street, it can’t exist unless your DH chooses to engage with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let's be honest here. It is because women know that most men aren't really friends with women just for being friends. It might have ended that way, but most guys always have an ulterior motive. Any woman that is not butt ugly has experienced that. Friends only till he starts pursuing you. So, while women might never be into that guy friend, he was, in 99%, into that female friend, if he is straight, at one point, and hoped for something. So year, she might not be worried that the female friend has feeling for her DH, she is most likely worried about his feelings for you.


+1.

I don't know any men who are interested in close friendships with women.

So my husband has a few close female friends, but he was friends with them before we met (so he's known them for a long time). I have absolutely no issue with that - it makes sense that he would continue these friendships (even if they started out as him being interested in something more, they never went that way). But I would be weirded out and concerned if, now that we are married, DH suddenly made a new close female friend. Does that make sense? I'm not sure, but it is how I feel.

It makes sense to me. I shut down a budding friendship between my dh and a woman (Larla) once. I never got the feeling she wanted anything more than someone to ride biking trails with, but I didn't like it. Dh was fine with cutting her off (creating distance). Months later, my friend (through whom we met Larla) told me that her husband and Larla had had a brief friendship based on a different shared hobby, but Larla did want more from him, and went a little crazy on them when they cut her out.

Anyway, my story is anecdotal, but I think once in your 30s, it's rare for a single person to really be ok with pursuing a strictly platonic friendship with the opposite sex. It just is.

+1

?

I think it’s precious how all these jealous women just HAPPEN to have all these other women prowling around thier amazing, yet innocent and unsuspecting husbands.

Seriously, sometimes all a girl wants is for someone to go mountain biking with her, because all the other girls are too busy at home in a tizzy about dining room furniture.

That's pretty sexist and offensive. I'm a woman, I have traditionally male interests (martial arts, weightlifting, sports), and I've never had any problems finding women to do them with. Yes, I sometimes do them with men, but if their wife had a problem with it I have zero trouble finding women partners instead. Or I just do it alone because I don't need my hand held for everything I do. The whole "I *need* a man to do this with me because women won't!" excuse is B.S.

Also I've never gotten in a tizzy over dining room furniture, but my 6'5, athletic husband has.

[Anonymous]

Op here. This has been an interesting read. It seems I was correct in assuming that the women who maintain these relationships like drama..