S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

The difference between us is I don’t let other people’s crazy stress me out. If she’s losing her mind every time we get coffee, that’s her problem. I don’t worry about it because there’s no conflict in my friendship or in my marriage. It’s all good here.

If she is flipping out on your friend every time she finds out that you met with him for coffee then just think about what your friend is living with. He needs a wake up call. By you, a trusted friend, saying "Hey, your wife's reaction is w-a-y over the top. I'm honestly afraid for you and I don't want to trigger your wife by seeing you" that might be enough to wake him up and deal with his marital problems.

[Anonymous]

^This is all assuming, of course, that his wife's hatred of you is irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I assume everyone is straight here, and we are talking about "BFF" type friendships between the DH or the DW and another person of the opposite gender. I assume we are not talking about friends who might grab lunch together here and there, or mid-level friendships that are very out in the open and inclusive. I assume we are talking about "BFF" type closeness, which would mean that the two people spend a ton of time talking - either in person or electronically some how, plus some degree of emotional intimacy that is more complex than just "I want what's best for my friend."

I think in a few of these cases, you have a long-time female friend who realizes that her male friend has become caught up in a seriously toxic relationship, and the female plays the long game out of genuine concern for her friend, who will likely end up in some dumpster fire of a divorce at some point.

However, in more cases, I believe there is some sort of sexual alchemy that can be unspoken. When you're talking about trying to maintain a marriage over the course of many decades, I don't think it is good to have opposite gender "close friends" just kind of always there and circling like sharks, seemingly waiting for something to happen. I think it is also weird, because if a man and a woman get along really well, I think it is natural for them to get together at some point. I wouldn't want to marry a man who had one of these friends. I think the friendship is a further risk when it is not clear why they are not together. You're pretty much asking for one of them to wonder what might have been during one of their late night conversations. Mother nature is NOT on the wife's side here.

Each friendship should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, but a lot of these type situations sure do have a "back up plan" type feel to them.

Agree . I also think the majority of these women despite what they claim enjoy the attention and the drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

Go find another dude. You are way out of touch here. You are adding fuel to the fire and you are the one who will get burned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

The difference between us is I don’t let other people’s crazy stress me out. If she’s losing her mind every time we get coffee, that’s her problem. I don’t worry about it because there’s no conflict in my friendship or in my marriage. It’s all good here.

If she is flipping out on your friend every time she finds out that you met with him for coffee then just think about what your friend is living with. He needs a wake up call. By you, a trusted friend, saying "Hey, your wife's reaction is w-a-y over the top. I'm honestly afraid for you and I don't want to trigger your wife by seeing you" that might be enough to wake him up and deal with his marital problems.

You sound like a jealous wife trying to justify her controlling behavior. It would be up to my friend to decide whether our friendship is worth that, and if he continues the friendship, clearly he thinks it is. Plus, a crazy wife isn’t going to become sane just because we stop being friends, she’s just going to turn her crazy on him in a different way, because ultimately the crazy is about her, not our friendship.

[Anonymous]

OP
Read Gone Girl
Narcissist
Get therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

Go find another dude. You are way out of touch here. You are adding fuel to the fire and you are the one who will get burned.

No, I’m not, but enjoy that fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck

You realize Gone Girl is about a batshit wife, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck

You realize Gone Girl is about a batshit wife, right?

Yes I do but you have it covered so well. So just Bat shit crazy “friend”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck

You realize Gone Girl is about a batshit wife, right?

Yes I do but you have it covered so well. So just Bat shit crazy “friend”

I’m not the one flipping my shit on DCUM about someone else’s platonic relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck

You realize Gone Girl is about a batshit wife, right?

Yes I do but you have it covered so well. So just Bat shit crazy “friend”

Are you planning to go Gone Girl on your husband’s friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

He is the only one who has the power to get out of that relationship. I didn't say I would stop being his friend but I would absolutely stop hanging around with a guy whose wife hated me. And I would tell him why I was not comfortable hanging around him. While I might love my friend and want only the best for him, I've got a marriage and a family of my own to consider and my husband. Putting myself into the middle of my friend's bad marriage does not seem like a wise thing to do. Too much could go wrong and, quite frankly, I would not want the stress and the drama of it all.

The difference between us is I don’t let other people’s crazy stress me out. If she’s losing her mind every time we get coffee, that’s her problem. I don’t worry about it because there’s no conflict in my friendship or in my marriage. It’s all good here.

If she is flipping out on your friend every time she finds out that you met with him for coffee then just think about what your friend is living with. He needs a wake up call. By you, a trusted friend, saying "Hey, your wife's reaction is w-a-y over the top. I'm honestly afraid for you and I don't want to trigger your wife by seeing you" that might be enough to wake him up and deal with his marital problems.

You sound like a jealous wife trying to justify her controlling behavior. It would be up to my friend to decide whether our friendship is worth that, and if he continues the friendship, clearly he thinks it is. Plus, a crazy wife isn’t going to become sane just because we stop being friends, she’s just going to turn her crazy on him in a different way, because ultimately the crazy is about her, not our friendship.

Uh, nope. I would hope that a friend in a bad situation like that would extricate himself from that marriage. I would not want to be "the reason" for his wife exploding all over him or onto me.

You don't invite crazy into your life like that. Not even through the back door of a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Lol just a bored observer trying to stop a trainwreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that I would feel comfortable hanging out with a married guy whose wife hated me. That just sounds like a really bad idea and when their marriage blows up, as it almost certainly will, I would not want either one of them to point the finger of blame in my direction.

Send cards and talk to them openly on Facebook.

I think it’s up to him to decide whether to maintain friendships that his wife disapproves of. If he’s keeping up a problematic friendship, that’s a problem between him and his wife, not the wife and the friend.

Yeah, well it would be my choice not to be hanging out with a guy whose wife *hated* me. I have about zero interest in that kind of BS drama and I would be p*ssed at a friend for putting me in a situation like that. I do not want to be collateral damage when that ticking time bomb goes off. No thanks!

How would the friend be putting you in that situation? He can’t control his wife’s emotions, he can only control his own behavior. If his wife has turned super controlling and possessive, he might really need his friends.

Go find another dude. You are way out of touch here. You are adding fuel to the fire and you are the one who will get burned.

No, I’m not, but enjoy that fantasy.

If you are triggering his wife's rage then you are absolutely adding fuel to the fire. You think that you are a good friend but, in reality, you aren't doing him any favors. You are stoking the flames while munching on popcorn.