Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

There’s 10 people in total including the bride. So without me and having to pay for the bride they would just have to pay an extra $100 for the air bnb

So $800 is too much for you to pay for lodging but it’s fine for the other 9 attendees to “just” have to pay an extra $100 because you reneged on the plans? It’s a bit presumptuous to assume that they would even agree to give back your money.

If they can expect OP to pay an extra $600 then for private masseuses then yea, they can the extra $100. Clearly it’s no issue for them.

Where did anyone mention $600 for a private masseuse? You just made that up.

I think they’re getting the $600 when I mentioned the $590 for the private driver. In the last email that they sent last night they mentioned having a masseuses come to the house but definitely a spa day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

There’s 10 people in total including the bride. So without me and having to pay for the bride they would just have to pay an extra $100 for the air bnb

So $800 is too much for you to pay for lodging but it’s fine for the other 9 attendees to “just” have to pay an extra $100 because you reneged on the plans? It’s a bit presumptuous to assume that they would even agree to give back your money.

If they can expect OP to pay an extra $600 then for private masseuses then yea, they can the extra $100. Clearly it’s no issue for them.

Exactly. If $800 is no biggie to eat as a "gift" then the rest of the party can pay $100, what's the problem? What's the cancellation policy, can you usually cancel up until a month out? This trip is next month so likely within the cancellation period. Or bride can just pay for herself, why do brides expect an all expense paid trip? I'd feel like an ass accepting that money from a cousin who can't quite afford it.

It’s not that it’s no biggie- however OP agreed to go on the trip and already sent the money to pay for her share of the lodging. The money legally is no longer hers so trying to take it back by justifying it as no big deal for the others to each pay $100 more just doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

There’s 10 people in total including the bride. So without me and having to pay for the bride they would just have to pay an extra $100 for the air bnb

So $800 is too much for you to pay for lodging but it’s fine for the other 9 attendees to “just” have to pay an extra $100 because you reneged on the plans? It’s a bit presumptuous to assume that they would even agree to give back your money.

If they can expect OP to pay an extra $600 then for private masseuses then yea, they can the extra $100. Clearly it’s no issue for them.

Exactly. If $800 is no biggie to eat as a "gift" then the rest of the party can pay $100, what's the problem? What's the cancellation policy, can you usually cancel up until a month out? This trip is next month so likely within the cancellation period. Or bride can just pay for herself, why do brides expect an all expense paid trip? I'd feel like an ass accepting that money from a cousin who can't quite afford it.

It’s not that it’s no biggie- however OP agreed to go on the trip and already sent the money to pay for her share of the lodging. The money legally is no longer hers so trying to take it back by justifying it as no big deal for the others to each pay $100 more just doesn’t work.

It works just fine. If I had someone in this situation I would give her the money back. There is nothing legally binding about this agreement. Do you often let money come between you at other people? That's pretty sad. If $800 is nothing, then $100 is even less so.

[Anonymous]

1800 a night is absurd. I live in LA and have been to Napa many times. There’s no need to spend this kind of money. Also are you hiring Mario Andretti to drive you around? Why almost $600?????? No way. F this bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

There’s 10 people in total including the bride. So without me and having to pay for the bride they would just have to pay an extra $100 for the air bnb

So $800 is too much for you to pay for lodging but it’s fine for the other 9 attendees to “just” have to pay an extra $100 because you reneged on the plans? It’s a bit presumptuous to assume that they would even agree to give back your money.

If they can expect OP to pay an extra $600 then for private masseuses then yea, they can the extra $100. Clearly it’s no issue for them.

Exactly. If $800 is no biggie to eat as a "gift" then the rest of the party can pay $100, what's the problem? What's the cancellation policy, can you usually cancel up until a month out? This trip is next month so likely within the cancellation period. Or bride can just pay for herself, why do brides expect an all expense paid trip? I'd feel like an ass accepting that money from a cousin who can't quite afford it.

It’s not that it’s no biggie- however OP agreed to go on the trip and already sent the money to pay for her share of the lodging. The money legally is no longer hers so trying to take it back by justifying it as no big deal for the others to each pay $100 more just doesn’t work.

It works just fine. If I had someone in this situation I would give her the money back. There is nothing legally binding about this agreement. Do you often let money come between you at other people? That's pretty sad. If $800 is nothing, then $100 is even less so.

Exactly. And if op sends a few hundred bucks to pay for the brides meals or for wineries that’s less that the others have to pay without OP shoveling out $800.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1800 a night is absurd. I live in LA and have been to Napa many times. There’s no need to spend this kind of money. Also are you hiring Mario Andretti to drive you around? Why almost $600?????? No way. F this bride.

x100000000

Agreeing to a bachelorette party is not the same as agreeing to unknowingly living as a celebrity for a week. No.

[Anonymous]

Bachelorettes have gone off the deep end.

[Anonymous]

We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not do this ! Extremely inappropriate and you would be creating drama with your cousin. Simply back out. Tell her you would love to go, but unfortunately, it just isn't in your budget as it is much more costly than anticipated. Wish her a fantastic time. If she offers you the $800 or a portion back accept. Otherwise, charge it to the game and learn a lesson about putting down money before knowing the full cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would not go and money is not an issue for me.

You are not part of the wedding party. Her behavior/asks are unacceptable.

How so? It’s her wedding

Then she can pay for it. All of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would not go and money is not an issue for me.

You are not part of the wedding party. Her behavior/asks are unacceptable.

How so? It’s her wedding

Then she can pay for it. All of it.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not do this ! Extremely inappropriate and you would be creating drama with your cousin. Simply back out. Tell her you would love to go, but unfortunately, it just isn't in your budget as it is much more costly than anticipated. Wish her a fantastic time. If she offers you the $800 or a portion back accept. Otherwise, charge it to the game and learn a lesson about putting down money before knowing the full cost.

The bridal party can just pay the extra cost if she bails. I mean, they agreed to go before knowing all the full costs, right? Why should they be exempt from this life lesson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not do this ! Extremely inappropriate and you would be creating drama with your cousin. Simply back out. Tell her you would love to go, but unfortunately, it just isn't in your budget as it is much more costly than anticipated. Wish her a fantastic time. If she offers you the $800 or a portion back accept. Otherwise, charge it to the game and learn a lesson about putting down money before knowing the full cost.

The bridal party can just pay the extra cost if she bails. I mean, they agreed to go before knowing all the full costs, right? Why should they be exempt from this life lesson?

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not do this ! Extremely inappropriate and you would be creating drama with your cousin. Simply back out. Tell her you would love to go, but unfortunately, it just isn't in your budget as it is much more costly than anticipated. Wish her a fantastic time. If she offers you the $800 or a portion back accept. Otherwise, charge it to the game and learn a lesson about putting down money before knowing the full cost.

The bridal party can just pay the extra cost if she bails. I mean, they agreed to go before knowing all the full costs, right? Why should they be exempt from this life lesson?

Sometimes in real life it's just better to let thing sgo. Be the bigger person. Doing what you suggest because it sounds awesome on a messagboard will cost OP alot more than $800 in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We can all agree that this is totally over the top and ridiculous, OP, but in my opinion there's only a small chance of your getting your money back... unless other guests want to pull out too! Perhaps you can reach out to them and see what they think.

Were I you, I'd explain that I had no idea it was going to be so expensive, request a refund, and if they refuse, consider it an expensive lesson in knowing who your friends are, and never paying until you're sure you know what you're doing.

Do not do this ! Extremely inappropriate and you would be creating drama with your cousin. Simply back out. Tell her you would love to go, but unfortunately, it just isn't in your budget as it is much more costly than anticipated. Wish her a fantastic time. If she offers you the $800 or a portion back accept. Otherwise, charge it to the game and learn a lesson about putting down money before knowing the full cost.

Of course she can do this. She could present it as a personal budget issue, and wanting to find out if others had the same problem, because if they have, the bride would probably prefer to still have a bachelor party, at a less expensive place, rather than have multiple guests back out and be left with a hugely expensive location for the remainder of the guests.

If OP knows the other guests well enough, it's actually the best solution, because it allows more people to brainstorm a solution that works for everyone.