Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

Yea, they asked OP to go before even disclosing beforehand. Asking for a private driver is ridiculous. Knowing it’s going to be pricey is different than getting $1800 a night house and a private driver AFTER people have rsvpd is incredibly inconsiderate. They could’ve found much cheaper prices. $1800 a night is ridiculous. Also, are there no Uber’s in Napa Valley? OP signed up for a bachelorette party not to live as a celebrity for a weekend, HUGE difference.

No, OP knew it was 4 nights in wine country when she got the formal invite. She should have backed out then on the basis of cost. The costs are truly not unexpected for an wine country trip. Ubers are probably going to be as much as a private driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

+1 at a minimum, op should pay her share of the Airbnb.

+2

Go or don’t, but you cannot ask for your $800 back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No OP, you would not be the jerk in this scenario. That title belongs to the person who expects her guests to plunk down an outrageous amount of money for a vacation that she wants.

This.
They’re incredibly inconsiderate. Bachelorette parties aren’t usually like this and if they are the details are disclosed and expenses are disclosed well in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

[Anonymous]

OP fully and continually participated in this fiasco.
Not sure what she should do now that won’t cause hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

I'd back out now, consider the $800 a wedding gift, and skip the destination wedding as well. Unless you are so close to this cousin that you are happy to invest thousands of dollars to celebrate her marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you close with the women attending this party? Were you looking forward to hanging out with them, or are they friends of your cousin that you aren’t at all close to?

It’s just my cousin and her sister that I know. The others I met years ago but that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close with the women attending this party? Were you looking forward to hanging out with them, or are they friends of your cousin that you aren’t at all close to?

It’s just my cousin and her sister that I know. The others I met years ago but that’s it.

Send the email now. Eat the $800. Let this be an expensive lesson for you: Do not commit, even casually, to trips/events until you know the costs & details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close with the women attending this party? Were you looking forward to hanging out with them, or are they friends of your cousin that you aren’t at all close to?

It’s just my cousin and her sister that I know. The others I met years ago but that’s it.

Send the email now. Eat the $800. Let this be an expensive lesson for you: Do not commit, even casually, to trips/events until you know the costs & details.

100% this

[Anonymous]

I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

Where did OP think she was going to stay in California wine country for cheaper? Come on.

Who thinks that they’re going to stay at a place for $1800 and get $590 pp personal driver? That’s the cheaper. They don’t need those things for a bachelorette party.

Anyone who isn’t stupid? Where are you going to find a cheaper place to stay in Napa? And transportation is going to be pricey unless you want to go the designated driver route, which OP is turning up her nose at too. The was obviously going to be pricey at the first mention of “wine country,” which was before the formal RSVP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't go, don't write a ridiculous letter about how it's impossible to leave a baby for a single night and some day I would understand. This was for a simple night out, not an overnight out of town outing. I still don't understand after all these years. Just bow out politely if you have to because that is a lot to ask.

...what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

No one is giving her the $800 back if she cancels.

[Anonymous]

Between the destination wedding and destination bachelorette party, gifts etc. How much money do you think celebrating her wedding will cost? How much of your vacation time will be used up?

What would you rather be doing with your time and money?