Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

Yea, they asked OP to go before even disclosing beforehand. Asking for a private driver is ridiculous. Knowing it’s going to be pricey is different than getting $1800 a night house and a private driver AFTER people have rsvpd is incredibly inconsiderate. They could’ve found much cheaper prices. $1800 a night is ridiculous. Also, are there no Uber’s in Napa Valley? OP signed up for a bachelorette party not to live as a celebrity for a weekend, HUGE difference.

[Anonymous]

These parties have gotten out of control. Do not go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

The time for backing out of the Air BnB was when the money was due. She already agreed to the $800 and paid it. I doubt someone would pay her back if she even asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parties have gotten out of control. Do not go!

X100. She’s not even a part of the wedding party so there’s no real obligation here.

[Anonymous]

I would not have sent the $800 and would have backed out as soon as I knew where it was. If you back out now do you lose the $800?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

The time for backing out of the Air BnB was when the money was due. She already agreed to the $800 and paid it. I doubt someone would pay her back if she even asked.

The time for listing all of the expenses was before sending out the invitations and especially not weeks before the bachelorette party. This is on the organizer.

[Anonymous]

Are you close with the women attending this party? Were you looking forward to hanging out with them, or are they friends of your cousin that you aren’t at all close to?

[Anonymous]

If you don't go, don't write a ridiculous letter about how it's impossible to leave a baby for a single night and some day I would understand. This was for a simple night out, not an overnight out of town outing. I still don't understand after all these years. Just bow out politely if you have to because that is a lot to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

+1 at a minimum, op should pay her share of the Airbnb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

The time for backing out of the Air BnB was when the money was due. She already agreed to the $800 and paid it. I doubt someone would pay her back if she even asked.

The time for listing all of the expenses was before sending out the invitations and especially not weeks before the bachelorette party. This is on the organizer.

I agree the whole thing was poorly planned and unfairly handled, but OP did agree to the lodging cost after being told what the cost would be, and paid it. She has to own that.

[Anonymous]

You were irresponsible for saying yes before you knew any of the details. When your cousin asked, you should have said something like, “I’d love to hear more about what’s planned before committing. I have some work events coming up and would need to check my calendar.”

Then when you received information the first time
from the organizer, you should have emailed back, “I’m trying to plan the expenses. What other costs do you anticipate? I can’t commit until I know. Thanks.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d say back out, but still pay your part of the Airbnb

This makes 0 sense. Let $800 go down the drain to just not attend?
If they can spend this much money and hire a private driver for $590 a person like they’re celebrities then an extra $100-$200 per person will be nothing for them.

Unfortunately I agree with PP that it would be wrong to back out to the airBnB. OP knew and agreed to that cost.

You could always go to Napa and just not participate in the wine tours/driving excursions. Just enjoy the estate and pool.

She didn’t know. She rsvpd and that’s when the organizer told them where they would be staying and then told the cost. The organizer worked backwards and was inconsiderate. That shouldn’t be on OP.

The time for backing out of the Air BnB was when the money was due. She already agreed to the $800 and paid it. I doubt someone would pay her back if she even asked.

The time for listing all of the expenses was before sending out the invitations and especially not weeks before the bachelorette party. This is on the organizer.

I agree the whole thing was poorly planned and unfairly handled, but OP did agree to the lodging cost after being told what the cost would be, and paid it. She has to own that.

If they can pay $590 pp for a private driver an extra $100 pp will be nothing. She wants to send some money to pay for a few meals for the bride? Sure. Waste $800? No. She’s not a part of the wedding party.

[Anonymous]

No OP, you would not be the jerk in this scenario. That title belongs to the person who expects her guests to plunk down an outrageous amount of money for a vacation that she wants.

[Anonymous]

I would forfeit the $800 and spare myself the excessive additional expenses that will continue to pile up. Politely back out today.