Vent: Pregnant and realizing H is a twit.
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Anonymous
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There's another side of the story, right?
Op might be too picky/craving weird foods that your DH is probably fed up trying to cater to you. as for Dh being "lazy"...why can't he have sone down-time? Presumably he works all week long so who cares if he sleeps in? And does the cleaning have to be done that very particular moment you deem? Who cares if the vacuuming gets done at 530pm instead of 9am - which you seem to think needs to be done Pronto. Your nesting is kicking in. Your pregnant hormonal irrationality is kicking in. Your anxiety is kicking in bc you're seeking control in a situation where you can't tangibly control something (pregnancy, work, money, whatever stressed you have going on) . And you're taking it out on DH. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like he needs an ultimatum. There is laziness, but he is a straight bum. Why did you get pregnant with someone like this? If he wants to be with you he will show some effort, otherwise you need to be happy and coparent separately. Zero chance I’d put up with it much longer. |
Anonymous
OP here. The cooking thing has gone on for months, long before I was pregnant. I’ve never asked him to cater to me. He just got sick of cooking and eats takeout for most meals. It makes me sad, because cooking was something we loved to do together, and then he suddenly stopped and just wants us to make our own meals separately. I don’t care when he cleans. He’s the one who decides it must be done at 7pm. The issue is that we make plans and then he bails. The night prior he had been complaining that there were no good restaurants, so I spent a long time looking up new restaurants I thought he’d enjoy, and said “let’s go out somewhere, then start the new Netflix show we’ve been wanting to watch, and it’s been awhile since we’ve had a longer session of sex so we can do that to”. And instead of wanting to spend that time with me, he spends the whole day screwing around and then decides he *has* to clean from 3-10pm. I was fine with cleaning happening another day, I offered to help, but nope, it had to be by himself and right then and there. It’s like the more intertwined our lives get, the more he tries to distance himself from me. He’s made it clear to me that he will always make his desires his top priority. I just don’t see the point in being married if he wants us to live separate lives and act like roommates. |
Anonymous
OP. We had talked about having kids for awhile and had started half-heartedly trying. Things started getting bad in the spring - I actually moved out in June after he flat-out told me that he will always put himself first. We didn’t speak for a month, but then I found out I was pregnant. He decided he wanted a family after all and I moved back in. Anyway, I’ve moved back out and will be staying out. I’ll see if he steps it up once the baby is here, but I have a feeling he’ll just want to see it a couple times a week and then go back home once the fun wears off. |
Anonymous
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He is lazy. Also it sound like he has no job.
You get him back when the baby comes out. Leave home with the baby and run out the door for a spa day, hair appointments day, mani and pedi day, shopping day, coffee and lunch with friends day, movies day, etc. He cannot sleep all day with a baby screaming and crying. Make the plans now so when the baby comes you can scoot out the door and he is foooked. Suck on that mother foooooocker! |
Anonymous
This is not a situation to bring a child into, OP. Can't you do better than this? |
Anonymous
BFD she will just supporting a house-husband, probably one who is not very good at the job. He will stick the kid in front of the TV. |
Anonymous
| Just checking in to see if OP is still living in the hotel. and of she's filed for divorce yet. Looking forward to the " I think I've met my dream, man, but I'm newly separated and 8 months pregnant" thread. |
Anonymous
He has a job. A pretty good one with a lot of flexibility. I don’t think he would care if I left for the day. Getting me out of the house seems to be what he wants. |
Anonymous
Exactly. She should be terminating this pregnancy IMO. |
Anonymous
Oh stop. This child is very much wanted by me, I’m not going to terminate. And no, I’m not out looking for my “dream man”, wtf. |
Anonymous
| He's not lazy, he has the typical behavior of a cannabis addict. I knew some, they act like your DH. |
Anonymous
| Addicts don’t make good husbands, OP, and no, it’s not likely that a baby will fix him. |
Anonymous
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The initial post made in seem as though OP was previously in a functional relationship that had very recently become fraught. DH, in the initial post sounds disengaged and like he was not prioritizing his wife and might be depressed. He does sound like a twit in that post.
The fact that OP and DH were actually separated until OP found out she was pregnant adds a lot of context. I think he is deliberately making it very clear that he does not want this marriage but is staying because he feels it’s the “right” thing to do. I don’t think OPs DH is lazy, I think he can’t stand to be around her. If this was the situation from the first post, ultimatums and talking things out might work but DH does not sound like he has any interest in repairing the marriage and desperately wants an excuse to get out. |
Anonymous
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OP, from your initial posts I thought your DH was just really disorganized/ADD/depressed - what with the waiting to start to clean until late afternoon when it made it impossible for you two to have your date. Do you think he has mental health struggles or do you actively think he's structuring his day like that to avoid you? Did you ask him at the time why he needed to clean in the evening and if he was aware that meant you guys couldn't have your evening as planned?
I'm trying to understand how much of this is intentional. |