Noncustodial Parent Relocation - Who Handles Transport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your ex could get a hotel room in the area every other weekend and have his visitation there.

Your kids are going to be so miserable. I am sorry for them. Whatever you all decide to do with transportation, I would push that he has to do pick up at your house. Then it's up to your kids to get in his car. Otherwise, if they refuse to get in your car, your ex can claim that you didn't do your part in delivering them.

+1 on this. Also, your kids are old enough to have a voice in this. I would have them write a letter to the courts. They may need their own court appointed advocate or you and the x split the lawyer fees for a kids attorney.
But you can't force a teen to go for visits. Nor is it fair to ask them to miss out on school and community activities.
Most importantly if you ex wants to modify the custody agreement they have to file with the courts. By moving beyond the 50 miles written in the custody papers THEY are changing the agreement. Therefore they have to file with the courts to make the change. This allows the kids. Chance to voice their wishes. Most courts consider what the kids want once they are 12+.
If you ex wants to see them he should need to come to them most of the time. Sure maybe some weekends or breaks that they don't have activities or job they can go out their. But, at their ages that wouldn't happen too often.

Visitation is NOT optional. This is really bad advice. Being with a parent takes priority over school and community activities. He sees his kids twice a month for 4 days total. Thats unreasonable to stop 4 day a month visitation. Its funny how people complain Dad's aren't involved and attitudes like this where your kids don't have to go or even see their dad are why Dad's are into involved. He is allow to move. He needs to drive them. No judge is going to tell a Dad with limited visitation he cannot move. He may require him to do all the transportations which is reasonable. Stop forcing kids to make adult life long decisions that ultimately will hurt them. Most kids will choose what their primary parent wants as not to upset them.

Hi, angry non-primary-custodial Dad! Actually, no. Dad should not have signed legal paperwork that he would not move more than 50 miles away while the children were minors if he did not intend to follow it. He is not "allow" (sic) to move under these conditions. I hope when they go to court to adjudicate this change Dad is demanding, OP's mid to late teens kids get to have their say and reduce Dad's visitiation so they can do the things *they* want to do with their weekends, since shacking up in the boondocks with his short-term girlfriend was, as his actions (words are meaningless) make abundantly clear, was more important to Dad than spending time with them in the few years before they go to college.

If the kids decide to never visit, I wonder if this turns into a thread where dad doesn’t bother with Fafsa let alone paying anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your ex could get a hotel room in the area every other weekend and have his visitation there.

Your kids are going to be so miserable. I am sorry for them. Whatever you all decide to do with transportation, I would push that he has to do pick up at your house. Then it's up to your kids to get in his car. Otherwise, if they refuse to get in your car, your ex can claim that you didn't do your part in delivering them.

+1 on this. Also, your kids are old enough to have a voice in this. I would have them write a letter to the courts. They may need their own court appointed advocate or you and the x split the lawyer fees for a kids attorney.
But you can't force a teen to go for visits. Nor is it fair to ask them to miss out on school and community activities.
Most importantly if you ex wants to modify the custody agreement they have to file with the courts. By moving beyond the 50 miles written in the custody papers THEY are changing the agreement. Therefore they have to file with the courts to make the change. This allows the kids. Chance to voice their wishes. Most courts consider what the kids want once they are 12+.
If you ex wants to see them he should need to come to them most of the time. Sure maybe some weekends or breaks that they don't have activities or job they can go out their. But, at their ages that wouldn't happen too often.

Visitation is NOT optional. This is really bad advice. Being with a parent takes priority over school and community activities. He sees his kids twice a month for 4 days total. Thats unreasonable to stop 4 day a month visitation. Its funny how people complain Dad's aren't involved and attitudes like this where your kids don't have to go or even see their dad are why Dad's are into involved. He is allow to move. He needs to drive them. No judge is going to tell a Dad with limited visitation he cannot move. He may require him to do all the transportations which is reasonable. Stop forcing kids to make adult life long decisions that ultimately will hurt them. Most kids will choose what their primary parent wants as not to upset them.

Hi, angry non-primary-custodial Dad! Actually, no. Dad should not have signed legal paperwork that he would not move more than 50 miles away while the children were minors if he did not intend to follow it. He is not "allow" (sic) to move under these conditions. I hope when they go to court to adjudicate this change Dad is demanding, OP's mid to late teens kids get to have their say and reduce Dad's visitiation so they can do the things *they* want to do with their weekends, since shacking up in the boondocks with his short-term girlfriend was, as his actions (words are meaningless) make abundantly clear, was more important to Dad than spending time with them in the few years before they go to college.

If the kids decide to never visit, I wonder if this turns into a thread where dad doesn’t bother with Fafsa let alone paying anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 14 and 16 and aren’t going to want to be trapped in the middle of nowhere every other weekend. Has your ex considered this? Is your 16 year old driving?

16 year old can drive but does not have their own car, nor am I comfortable letting my kid drive my car 3 hours round trip every other weekend with little sibling in the car (and more in the summer).

Ex thinks the schedule should stay exactly the same. Kids are very unhappy about it.

I asked about 16 year old driving not to drive there 80 miles away but so they aren’t trapped in the middle of nowhere every other weekend and can at least drive 15 minutes away to get ice cream or go to a movie. I think your kids aren’t going to be willing to go on a regular basis. If your kids are unhappy I would have them send that parent a text so there is documentation they don’t want that parent to move.

OP here: But what is that going to do? Can’t I still be held in contempt for not following our court ordered schedule? I know they don’t want to go
- they are adamant about that - but I also know my ex has a right to see our kids. I don’t want to get in trouble for not facilitating visitation, or telling them “yes you can stay here this weekend instead, I know Larlo’s party is very important to you.”

Tell him you will drive them to the 10 min location. He will pick them up and drop them off. Also offer him additional visit time during the week so that he can decline... yes, I’m sorry to say he is setting you up to be the bad guy. Why can’t the move wait 4 years. He wants an out.

She isn't the bad guy. She allows the visits as schedule and has the kids ready to go at either a drop off point at a 10 minute location OR he picks up from her house. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your ex could get a hotel room in the area every other weekend and have his visitation there.

Your kids are going to be so miserable. I am sorry for them. Whatever you all decide to do with transportation, I would push that he has to do pick up at your house. Then it's up to your kids to get in his car. Otherwise, if they refuse to get in your car, your ex can claim that you didn't do your part in delivering them.

+1 on this. Also, your kids are old enough to have a voice in this. I would have them write a letter to the courts. They may need their own court appointed advocate or you and the x split the lawyer fees for a kids attorney.
But you can't force a teen to go for visits. Nor is it fair to ask them to miss out on school and community activities.
Most importantly if you ex wants to modify the custody agreement they have to file with the courts. By moving beyond the 50 miles written in the custody papers THEY are changing the agreement. Therefore they have to file with the courts to make the change. This allows the kids. Chance to voice their wishes. Most courts consider what the kids want once they are 12+.
If you ex wants to see them he should need to come to them most of the time. Sure maybe some weekends or breaks that they don't have activities or job they can go out their. But, at their ages that wouldn't happen too often.

Visitation is NOT optional. This is really bad advice. Being with a parent takes priority over school and community activities. He sees his kids twice a month for 4 days total. Thats unreasonable to stop 4 day a month visitation. Its funny how people complain Dad's aren't involved and attitudes like this where your kids don't have to go or even see their dad are why Dad's are into involved. He is allow to move. He needs to drive them. No judge is going to tell a Dad with limited visitation he cannot move. He may require him to do all the transportations which is reasonable. Stop forcing kids to make adult life long decisions that ultimately will hurt them. Most kids will choose what their primary parent wants as not to upset them.

If the kids are so important why is dad moving. Selfish.

So, it would be ok if mom moved, not dad. Either parent has a right to move. That isn't the issue. The issue is who handles transportation. The answer is Dad. He is moving away outside he agreed upon exchange area so he provides the additional transportation.

[Anonymous]

There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

OP is not raising these issues. The issue is transportation to and from Dad's house. If he doesn't want to do activities during his time that is his choice. Dad should do the transportation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

OP here again.

When the kids are with ex two weekends a month (during the school year), ex gets them to all weekend activities, correct. That’s obviously going to become very difficult post-move. 16 year old is the most upset about it - wants freedom to spend nights at friends houses in future, which can’t happen if she has to go to ex’s.

The move is happening. Ex has already sold condo and is moving at the end of September. Ex isn’t going to wait.

Ex still refuses to do anything but split driving 50/50, so I guess we are headed to mediation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

OP here again.

When the kids are with ex two weekends a month (during the school year), ex gets them to all weekend activities, correct. That’s obviously going to become very difficult post-move. 16 year old is the most upset about it - wants freedom to spend nights at friends houses in future, which can’t happen if she has to go to ex’s.

The move is happening. Ex has already sold condo and is moving at the end of September. Ex isn’t going to wait.

Ex still refuses to do anything but split driving 50/50, so I guess we are headed to mediation.

Your daughter sounds obnoxious. Her Dad sees her 4 nights a month. She should not be planning sleep overs with her friends during his time. She should do it on your time. If he does everything he is supposed to, including activities you need to support him and say that she she should not plan sleep overs on Dad's 4 nights and there are plenty of other days in the month to do that. Its not going to be difficult to get them to activities, he just has to drive them.

If he will not transport, let a judge decide. I wouldn't mediate. Mediation only works with two reasonable people. If both sides were reasonable this would have been worked out. He moved so he needs to transport them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your ex could get a hotel room in the area every other weekend and have his visitation there.

Your kids are going to be so miserable. I am sorry for them. Whatever you all decide to do with transportation, I would push that he has to do pick up at your house. Then it's up to your kids to get in his car. Otherwise, if they refuse to get in your car, your ex can claim that you didn't do your part in delivering them.

+1 on this. Also, your kids are old enough to have a voice in this. I would have them write a letter to the courts. They may need their own court appointed advocate or you and the x split the lawyer fees for a kids attorney.
But you can't force a teen to go for visits. Nor is it fair to ask them to miss out on school and community activities.
Most importantly if you ex wants to modify the custody agreement they have to file with the courts. By moving beyond the 50 miles written in the custody papers THEY are changing the agreement. Therefore they have to file with the courts to make the change. This allows the kids. Chance to voice their wishes. Most courts consider what the kids want once they are 12+.
If you ex wants to see them he should need to come to them most of the time. Sure maybe some weekends or breaks that they don't have activities or job they can go out their. But, at their ages that wouldn't happen too often.

Visitation is NOT optional. This is really bad advice. Being with a parent takes priority over school and community activities. He sees his kids twice a month for 4 days total. Thats unreasonable to stop 4 day a month visitation. Its funny how people complain Dad's aren't involved and attitudes like this where your kids don't have to go or even see their dad are why Dad's are into involved. He is allow to move. He needs to drive them. No judge is going to tell a Dad with limited visitation he cannot move. He may require him to do all the transportations which is reasonable. Stop forcing kids to make adult life long decisions that ultimately will hurt them. Most kids will choose what their primary parent wants as not to upset them.

Hi, angry non-primary-custodial Dad! Actually, no. Dad should not have signed legal paperwork that he would not move more than 50 miles away while the children were minors if he did not intend to follow it. He is not "allow" (sic) to move under these conditions. I hope when they go to court to adjudicate this change Dad is demanding, OP's mid to late teens kids get to have their say and reduce Dad's visitiation so they can do the things *they* want to do with their weekends, since shacking up in the boondocks with his short-term girlfriend was, as his actions (words are meaningless) make abundantly clear, was more important to Dad than spending time with them in the few years before they go to college.

If the kids decide to never visit, I wonder if this turns into a thread where dad doesn’t bother with Fafsa let alone paying anything

Hopefully mom is smart and who pays for college is in the divorce degree and custody arrangement (which yes, can happen even when the kids will be over 18), so if petty, vindictive, selfish dad tries to pull a stunt like that, he can be hauled into court in front of a judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your ex could get a hotel room in the area every other weekend and have his visitation there.

Your kids are going to be so miserable. I am sorry for them. Whatever you all decide to do with transportation, I would push that he has to do pick up at your house. Then it's up to your kids to get in his car. Otherwise, if they refuse to get in your car, your ex can claim that you didn't do your part in delivering them.

+1 on this. Also, your kids are old enough to have a voice in this. I would have them write a letter to the courts. They may need their own court appointed advocate or you and the x split the lawyer fees for a kids attorney.
But you can't force a teen to go for visits. Nor is it fair to ask them to miss out on school and community activities.
Most importantly if you ex wants to modify the custody agreement they have to file with the courts. By moving beyond the 50 miles written in the custody papers THEY are changing the agreement. Therefore they have to file with the courts to make the change. This allows the kids. Chance to voice their wishes. Most courts consider what the kids want once they are 12+.
If you ex wants to see them he should need to come to them most of the time. Sure maybe some weekends or breaks that they don't have activities or job they can go out their. But, at their ages that wouldn't happen too often.

Visitation is NOT optional. This is really bad advice. Being with a parent takes priority over school and community activities. He sees his kids twice a month for 4 days total. Thats unreasonable to stop 4 day a month visitation. Its funny how people complain Dad's aren't involved and attitudes like this where your kids don't have to go or even see their dad are why Dad's are into involved. He is allow to move. He needs to drive them. No judge is going to tell a Dad with limited visitation he cannot move. He may require him to do all the transportations which is reasonable. Stop forcing kids to make adult life long decisions that ultimately will hurt them. Most kids will choose what their primary parent wants as not to upset them.

Hi, angry non-primary-custodial Dad! Actually, no. Dad should not have signed legal paperwork that he would not move more than 50 miles away while the children were minors if he did not intend to follow it. He is not "allow" (sic) to move under these conditions. I hope when they go to court to adjudicate this change Dad is demanding, OP's mid to late teens kids get to have their say and reduce Dad's visitiation so they can do the things *they* want to do with their weekends, since shacking up in the boondocks with his short-term girlfriend was, as his actions (words are meaningless) make abundantly clear, was more important to Dad than spending time with them in the few years before they go to college.

If the kids decide to never visit, I wonder if this turns into a thread where dad doesn’t bother with Fafsa let alone paying anything

Hopefully mom is smart and who pays for college is in the divorce degree and custody arrangement (which yes, can happen even when the kids will be over 18), so if petty, vindictive, selfish dad tries to pull a stunt like that, he can be hauled into court in front of a judge.

Right, so it’s ok with you a mom terminates dads rights and contact. But, all that matters is he pays up. It is so sad that kids lose their parent to a vindictive parent. As a solo parent she can pay for college. But this has nothing to do with op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
When the kids are with ex two weekends a month (during the school year), ex gets them to all weekend activities, correct. That’s obviously going to become very difficult post-move. 16 year old is the most upset about it - wants freedom to spend nights at friends houses in future, which can’t happen if she has to go to ex’s.

Your daughter sounds obnoxious. Her Dad sees her 4 nights a month. She should not be planning sleep overs with her friends during his time. She should do it on your time. If he does everything he is supposed to, including activities you need to support him and say that she she should not plan sleep overs on Dad's 4 nights and there are plenty of other days in the month to do that. Its not going to be difficult to get them to activities, he just has to drive them.

If he will not transport, let a judge decide. I wouldn't mediate. Mediation only works with two reasonable people. If both sides were reasonable this would have been worked out. He moved so he needs to transport them.

Oh stop. OP's daughter does not sound obnoxious at all. During the school year there are 8 nights a month OP's daughter can hang out/have sleep overs with friends, and OP's ex is taking away half of them. The ex's "choices" are having a serious impact on the daughter's life and I don't blame her for being upset about it.
Ex is selfish and time will tell what kind of relationship daughter has with him once she is an adult and it's not enforced by a court.

[Anonymous]

The Ex is not taking away anything, he wants to see his kids and has limited time to do so. The Daughter is not being obnoxious, the daughter is being a Teen who wants to spend more time with her friends then her parents, which is totally normal.

I am not saying the Ex is right, he is moving farther away and needs to cover the transportation for his visitation. Hopefully he has been coming to the kids activities and sees them more then just on his weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

OP here again.

When the kids are with ex two weekends a month (during the school year), ex gets them to all weekend activities, correct. That’s obviously going to become very difficult post-move. 16 year old is the most upset about it - wants freedom to spend nights at friends houses in future, which can’t happen if she has to go to ex’s.

The move is happening. Ex has already sold condo and is moving at the end of September. Ex isn’t going to wait.

Ex still refuses to do anything but split driving 50/50, so I guess we are headed to mediation.

Your daughter sounds obnoxious. Her Dad sees her 4 nights a month. She should not be planning sleep overs with her friends during his time. She should do it on your time. If he does everything he is supposed to, including activities you need to support him and say that she she should not plan sleep overs on Dad's 4 nights and there are plenty of other days in the month to do that. Its not going to be difficult to get them to activities, he just has to drive them.

If he will not transport, let a judge decide. I wouldn't mediate. Mediation only works with two reasonable people. If both sides were reasonable this would have been worked out. He moved so he needs to transport them.

OP here:

I have emphasized to her that I think it’s important for her to maintain relationship with ex, even with this move. I am not trying at all to enable her to not see ex/see ex less. I am just reporting how she feels. Her freedom to come and go, do school events, see friends, even have a part time job has become much more difficult because of ex’s decision. That’s the reality. 14 year old is upset too, but the 16 year old is straight up angry.

FWIW, Ex has the kids 2 weekends/month during the school year because at the time of our divorce, ex used to travel for work 40+ weeks a year and didn’t/couldn’t have the kids more than that. Ex also takes two long summer breaks with them. I’ve always encouraged both kids to make the most of the time they have with ex, even when it isn’t a lot. Ex has never pushed for or wanted more time, even when their job changed and travel slowed down. So please don’t assume I’m someone who tried to give ex as little time as possible.

With all that said, the arrangement has worked fine for 10 years. Obviously this is a big change and I don’t think my 16 year old is obnoxious for being upset.

[Anonymous]

On the plus side, if you drive, you get to see your kids for the duration of the drive. Your kids are probably old enough to state whether they want to do this. He should be making it easy on them, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.