Noncustodial Parent Relocation - Who Handles Transport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are two issues - transportation plus the fact that dad is moving so far that the kids won’t be able to do their regular weekend activities. I assume they currently don’t sit around dad’s place all weekend but if one has a soccer game or a meeting with classmates about a group project, he takes them and they return to his place. Same as what happens when they are at mom’s. This could also happen if he moves within the 50 mile radius - it would be more driving for him but doable to not completely interrupt their lives. Which is presumably why the 50 mile radius limitation was put in the agreement for both mom and dad. Disregarding the transportation issue for mom for a moment, it isn’t fair to the kids to ask them to move so far that they will have to cancel games (which is effectively leaving the team) or not being able to work part time on the weekend or meet with classmates for projects or ever see friends bc they will be hanging out with dad and new girlfriend.

Can dad’s girlfriend move in with him? Can dad get a hotel/Airbnb in the kids’ town on custody weekends so life is easier for his kids? Can he wait to move (at least one year) since his kids are so upset about it? If he must move in with girlfriend, can they find a place within the 50 mile radius?

OP here again.

When the kids are with ex two weekends a month (during the school year), ex gets them to all weekend activities, correct. That’s obviously going to become very difficult post-move. 16 year old is the most upset about it - wants freedom to spend nights at friends houses in future, which can’t happen if she has to go to ex’s.

The move is happening. Ex has already sold condo and is moving at the end of September. Ex isn’t going to wait.

Ex still refuses to do anything but split driving 50/50, so I guess we are headed to mediation.

Your daughter sounds obnoxious. Her Dad sees her 4 nights a month. She should not be planning sleep overs with her friends during his time. She should do it on your time. If he does everything he is supposed to, including activities you need to support him and say that she she should not plan sleep overs on Dad's 4 nights and there are plenty of other days in the month to do that. Its not going to be difficult to get them to activities, he just has to drive them.

If he will not transport, let a judge decide. I wouldn't mediate. Mediation only works with two reasonable people. If both sides were reasonable this would have been worked out. He moved so he needs to transport them.

OP here:

I have emphasized to her that I think it’s important for her to maintain relationship with ex, even with this move. I am not trying at all to enable her to not see ex/see ex less. I am just reporting how she feels. Her freedom to come and go, do school events, see friends, even have a part time job has become much more difficult because of ex’s decision. That’s the reality. 14 year old is upset too, but the 16 year old is straight up angry.

FWIW, Ex has the kids 2 weekends/month during the school year because at the time of our divorce, ex used to travel for work 40+ weeks a year and didn’t/couldn’t have the kids more than that. Ex also takes two long summer breaks with them. I’ve always encouraged both kids to make the most of the time they have with ex, even when it isn’t a lot. Ex has never pushed for or wanted more time, even when their job changed and travel slowed down. So please don’t assume I’m someone who tried to give ex as little time as possible.

With all that said, the arrangement has worked fine for 10 years. Obviously this is a big change and I don’t think my 16 year old is obnoxious for being upset.

Tell him you support the move but he need to transport and don’t negotiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

[Anonymous]

He can come pick them up. This shouldn't impact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

It’s HALF the weekends that they may have actual obligations to pre signed up for activities. THEIR lives matter too. Most judges would agree with me. I have a decent amount of experience in family courtrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

It’s HALF the weekends that they may have actual obligations to pre signed up for activities. THEIR lives matter too. Most judges would agree with me. I have a decent amount of experience in family courtrooms

Then if it’s an issue mom can change the visit days or weekends. It’s 4 days. Mom said dad took kids to activities so you are creating drama where there is none.

[Anonymous]

My ex was custodial and moved 3000 miles away. Never paid a dime for any visits, transportation, accommodations etc. Also did her best to schedule appointments/conflicts during visits. Blamed me for being absent when she moved and obstructed the planning and experience of visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

Tell that to the colleges that will be seeing on applications how the kid dropped out of many things. Sure, you can write a supplementary essay explaining why but who knows if that would sway admissions. The summer she was 16, my kid was a rising HS senior, and the ability to continue participating in activities and work/earn money was a big deal. I'm not saying that the kids should see their dad, but he really needs to be the one to make it work. When he fathered them, he gave up the right to make decisions that benefit himself at their expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

Tell that to the colleges that will be seeing on applications how the kid dropped out of many things. Sure, you can write a supplementary essay explaining why but who knows if that would sway admissions. The summer she was 16, my kid was a rising HS senior, and the ability to continue participating in activities and work/earn money was a big deal. I'm not saying that the kids shouldn't see their dad, but he really needs to be the one to make it work. When he fathered them, he gave up the right to make decisions that benefit himself at their expense.

Fixed my typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

You’re dense or don’t have teenagers. The kids are in school and activities during the week. Their dad is trying to monopolize 50% of their free time a month. That sucks. This is why divorce has a negative impact on kids. I would never have my teenager curtail their social life on weekends to force them to spend time with me. Hell, I’m married to my teen’s father and we don’t see DC half the weekend because he’s out doing stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

You’re dense or don’t have teenagers. The kids are in school and activities during the week. Their dad is trying to monopolize 50% of their free time a month. That sucks. This is why divorce has a negative impact on kids. I would never have my teenager curtail their social life on weekends to force them to spend time with me. Hell, I’m married to my teen’s father and we don’t see DC half the weekend because he’s out doing stuff.

+1. Dad wants to move and this isn't a big deal, HE can rent a place and come stay in the teens' hometown two weekends of the month to see them. There is no reason they should have to totally rearrange their lives for a grown man's convenience and pleasure. None. And I am sure you agree with me it is not a big deal for him to do this for four days a month, right? Clearly the exH is the drama king here. So sorry you and your kids are dealing with this, OP. I hope for your and your kids' sake you get a sensible judge and not a "men's rights" activist like PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

You’re dense or don’t have teenagers. The kids are in school and activities during the week. Their dad is trying to monopolize 50% of their free time a month. That sucks. This is why divorce has a negative impact on kids. I would never have my teenager curtail their social life on weekends to force them to spend time with me. Hell, I’m married to my teen’s father and we don’t see DC half the weekend because he’s out doing stuff.

+1. Dad wants to move and this isn't a big deal, HE can rent a place and come stay in the teens' hometown two weekends of the month to see them. There is no reason they should have to totally rearrange their lives for a grown man's convenience and pleasure. None. And I am sure you agree with me it is not a big deal for him to do this for four days a month, right? Clearly the exH is the drama king here. So sorry you and your kids are dealing with this, OP. I hope for your and your kids' sake you get a sensible judge and not a "men's rights" activist like PP.

He does not need to rent a place. Kids are to spend time with Dad. It’s 4 days. It will not kill then. The issue is transportation. Yes I have teens and they are in daily activities. Family cones first. They have 26-28 other days in the month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

Tell that to the colleges that will be seeing on applications how the kid dropped out of many things. Sure, you can write a supplementary essay explaining why but who knows if that would sway admissions. The summer she was 16, my kid was a rising HS senior, and the ability to continue participating in activities and work/earn money was a big deal. I'm not saying that the kids shouldn't see their dad, but he really needs to be the one to make it work. When he fathered them, he gave up the right to make decisions that benefit himself at their expense.

Fixed my typo.

We are talking Four days a month. You are absurd. You are getting child support. Your kid should not be working that many hours and can arrange the Work schedule around visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

Tell that to the colleges that will be seeing on applications how the kid dropped out of many things. Sure, you can write a supplementary essay explaining why but who knows if that would sway admissions. The summer she was 16, my kid was a rising HS senior, and the ability to continue participating in activities and work/earn money was a big deal. I'm not saying that the kids shouldn't see their dad, but he really needs to be the one to make it work. When he fathered them, he gave up the right to make decisions that benefit himself at their expense.

Fixed my typo.

We are talking Four days a month. You are absurd. You are getting child support. Your kid should not be working that many hours and can arrange the Work schedule around visits.

OP here: the above post is not mine. And I said nothing about child support, so I don’t know what that comment is about. My 16 year old doesn’t work that much (and hasn’t actually worked during the school year at all yet, but wants to eventually).

Ex is not going to get them to jobs/activities/friend’s houses on their weekend once the move occurs. That’s the problem. It isn’t financial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awful as it is, it’s probably good that you’re heading to mediation. This new arrangement is going to create more issues than just driving. Hopefully a mediator will be helpful in reaching an arrangement that is more palatable to your kids, especially the oldest. This really sucks for them.

Totally agree this move sucks for the kids. Especially these ages when they have social lives, extracurriculars, and maybe even jobs to handle on the weekends

Its two weekends a month/4 days. Stop being so dramatic. Kids see their Dad twice a month for 4 days total. They have plenty of other days to do that stuff.

You’re dense or don’t have teenagers. The kids are in school and activities during the week. Their dad is trying to monopolize 50% of their free time a month. That sucks. This is why divorce has a negative impact on kids. I would never have my teenager curtail their social life on weekends to force them to spend time with me. Hell, I’m married to my teen’s father and we don’t see DC half the weekend because he’s out doing stuff.

+1. Dad wants to move and this isn't a big deal, HE can rent a place and come stay in the teens' hometown two weekends of the month to see them. There is no reason they should have to totally rearrange their lives for a grown man's convenience and pleasure. None. And I am sure you agree with me it is not a big deal for him to do this for four days a month, right? Clearly the exH is the drama king here. So sorry you and your kids are dealing with this, OP. I hope for your and your kids' sake you get a sensible judge and not a "men's rights" activist like PP.

He does not need to rent a place. Kids are to spend time with Dad. It’s 4 days. It will not kill then. The issue is transportation. Yes I have teens and they are in daily activities. Family cones first. They have 26-28 other days in the month.

Yes, I agree family comes first, and dad should put the needs of his minor children first. He’s a sh$tty parent and I’m not surprised his kids don’t want to be with someone so selfish. Kids really get the short end of the stick in divorce.

BTW, you still seem confused that kids are busy during the week so that time doesn’t = free time.