Noncustodial Parent Relocation - Who Handles Transport?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, 14 and 16. They are with me, the custodial parent, about 75-80% of the time. Ex and I live 10 minutes apart currently and have since the divorce.

My ex, the noncustodial parent, now wants to move 1.5 hours away (80 miles) for their significant other. Ex is proposing that we split all the driving time back and forth 50/50, as we currently do. I think because Ex is choosing to move far away, Ex should have to deal with all or most of the transport back and forth on their visitation weekends.

We do have a court order saying neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, but I don’t think I can actually stop ex from moving - there will just have to be a new agreement negotiated. Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 14 and 16. They are with me, the custodial parent, about 75-80% of the time. Ex and I live 10 minutes apart currently and have since the divorce.

My ex, the noncustodial parent, now wants to move 1.5 hours away (80 miles) for their significant other. Ex is proposing that we split all the driving time back and forth 50/50, as we currently do. I think because Ex is choosing to move far away, Ex should have to deal with all or most of the transport back and forth on their visitation weekends.

We do have a court order saying neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, but I don’t think I can actually stop ex from moving - there will just have to be a new agreement negotiated. Advice?

You are correct that it can’t stop him from moving. 50/50 over 80 mi won’t work with kids in school. Try mediation first. My XH moved 30 min further out and does 90% of the driving.

[Anonymous]

While I agree you shouldn’t have to take on a big extra burden because your ex is choosing to move, 45 minutes isn’t really that big a drive. Is there somewhere you’d actually want to go regularly somewhere in between (eg I’d love a regular excuse to browse at an IKEA)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 14 and 16. They are with me, the custodial parent, about 75-80% of the time. Ex and I live 10 minutes apart currently and have since the divorce.

My ex, the noncustodial parent, now wants to move 1.5 hours away (80 miles) for their significant other. Ex is proposing that we split all the driving time back and forth 50/50, as we currently do. I think because Ex is choosing to move far away, Ex should have to deal with all or most of the transport back and forth on their visitation weekends.

We do have a court order saying neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, but I don’t think I can actually stop ex from moving - there will just have to be a new agreement negotiated. Advice?

You are correct that it can’t stop him from moving. 50/50 over 80 mi won’t work with kids in school. Try mediation first. My XH moved 30 min further out and does 90% of the driving.

To be clear, we have a 75/25% parenting time schedule and that will not change (kids are not with ex during the school week). Ex just wants the driving to be shared equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree you shouldn’t have to take on a big extra burden because your ex is choosing to move, 45 minutes isn’t really that big a drive. Is there somewhere you’d actually want to go regularly somewhere in between (eg I’d love a regular excuse to browse at an IKEA)?

It’s a 3 hour round trip drive. Ex is proposing that he does one round trip drive, and I do the other, every weekend ex has visitation.

There is absolutely nowhere I would want to go regularly in between. Ex is moving to the middle of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 14 and 16. They are with me, the custodial parent, about 75-80% of the time. Ex and I live 10 minutes apart currently and have since the divorce.

My ex, the noncustodial parent, now wants to move 1.5 hours away (80 miles) for their significant other. Ex is proposing that we split all the driving time back and forth 50/50, as we currently do. I think because Ex is choosing to move far away, Ex should have to deal with all or most of the transport back and forth on their visitation weekends.

We do have a court order saying neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, but I don’t think I can actually stop ex from moving - there will just have to be a new agreement negotiated. Advice?

You are correct that it can’t stop him from moving. 50/50 over 80 mi won’t work with kids in school. Try mediation first. My XH moved 30 min further out and does 90% of the driving.

Also, how did you get your ex to agree to do 90% of the driving? Was that something that was ultimately conceded during mediation?

[Anonymous]

Meet halfway every other week. He can drive the other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree you shouldn’t have to take on a big extra burden because your ex is choosing to move, 45 minutes isn’t really that big a drive. Is there somewhere you’d actually want to go regularly somewhere in between (eg I’d love a regular excuse to browse at an IKEA)?

It’s a 3 hour round trip drive. Ex is proposing that he does one round trip drive, and I do the other, every weekend ex has visitation.

There is absolutely nowhere I would want to go regularly in between. Ex is moving to the middle of nowhere.

Still no.

That’s a long drive. It’s extra wear and tear on your vehicle and gas costs. You are getting nothing out of it and giving up a chunk of the little time that you have for self-care or other needs.

[Anonymous]

Nope. His move, his problem.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are 14 and 16 and aren’t going to want to be trapped in the middle of nowhere every other weekend. Has your ex considered this? Is your 16 year old driving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, 14 and 16. They are with me, the custodial parent, about 75-80% of the time. Ex and I live 10 minutes apart currently and have since the divorce.

My ex, the noncustodial parent, now wants to move 1.5 hours away (80 miles) for their significant other. Ex is proposing that we split all the driving time back and forth 50/50, as we currently do. I think because Ex is choosing to move far away, Ex should have to deal with all or most of the transport back and forth on their visitation weekends.

We do have a court order saying neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, but I don’t think I can actually stop ex from moving - there will just have to be a new agreement negotiated. Advice?

You are correct that it can’t stop him from moving. 50/50 over 80 mi won’t work with kids in school. Try mediation first. My XH moved 30 min further out and does 90% of the driving.

Also, how did you get your ex to agree to do 90% of the driving? Was that something that was ultimately conceded during mediation?

He did not agree. Mediation failed —which is why I say try it first. Ultimately, the judge told him that it was his choice to move. I only drive for a specific event that happens 10% of the days he has DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. His move, his problem.

OP here. I’ll admit this is my immediate gut reaction (after living 10 minutes apart for almost 10 years), but would a mediator/judge agree?

[Anonymous]

Man, it's hard to imagine that the kids will want to go to Ex's house on the weekends once he is so far away from their friends/activities. I suppose it's not realistic for the 16 year old to drive?

I would not agree to share the driving 50-50. I'd be wiling to drive the equivalent in time or miles to the 50 miles that I already envisioned he might move (per the arrangement you have in place) half the time and tell him he's responsible for the rest of it. in other words, if I already knew that 50 miles was a possibility, then I'd agree to do half of that, whatever it equates to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 14 and 16 and aren’t going to want to be trapped in the middle of nowhere every other weekend. Has your ex considered this? Is your 16 year old driving?

16 year old can drive but does not have their own car, nor am I comfortable letting my kid drive my car 3 hours round trip every other weekend with little sibling in the car (and more in the summer).

Ex thinks the schedule should stay exactly the same. Kids are very unhappy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 14 and 16 and aren’t going to want to be trapped in the middle of nowhere every other weekend. Has your ex considered this? Is your 16 year old driving?

80 mi in the middle of nowhere is too much to ask a16 year old new driver to regularly do. Especially with a 14 year old sibling in tow. And I bet OP would be e PE ted to absorb 50% of the costs of the teen driving out of Dad’s love shack in Upper Bumf@ck.