Why do women date or marry guys with cheating pasts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised when acquaintances become more like friends and start to tell memore personal things about their lives. A common thing I am finding is that these friends, who have been married 10 or more years (some as many as 35 years) were actually "the other woman". I guess sometimes the other woman really is the right one for some couples.

Very strange. All of my friends and neighbors are still in their first marriages. All are the original partners. We are in our 50s, everyone is married 20 years+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

+1 This is very true. Even my great-grandmother said this. She was born in the 1890s. Nothing has changed.

[Anonymous]

IDK but I'll definitely ask my dad's next wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

+1 This is very true. Even my great-grandmother said this. She was born in the 1890s. Nothing has changed.

Some men cheat for their amusement. I've known a lot that way TBH. Including two exes who cheated *on* me, then wanted to cheat on later girlfriends *with* me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

STOP! Just stop! I had sex with my husband 3-4 times per week.

There are sex addicts and narcissists and all kinds of f@cked up people with last trauma.

Let’s stop blaming victims. Let’s realize there are a number of completely different reasons people cheat.

And women are cheating in the same numbers these days.

So quit spouting stupid sh@t.

Not PP you are responding to, and it is true that some men cheat when they are still getting action at home. But I really believe those are the rare instances. In reality, most men who cheat in long-term marriages do it because they are not getting sex at home and they do not want do divorce due to splitting kids, custody, housing, etc. No one is dismissing your experience--yes, there are narcissists that cheat on their wives who are sleeping with them, but that is not in every case it is is more the rare situation than the others where men are doing it because they lack physical intimacy in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

STOP! Just stop! I had sex with my husband 3-4 times per week.

There are sex addicts and narcissists and all kinds of f@cked up people with last trauma.

Let’s stop blaming victims. Let’s realize there are a number of completely different reasons people cheat.

And women are cheating in the same numbers these days.

So quit spouting stupid sh@t.

Not PP you are responding to, and it is true that some men cheat when they are still getting action at home. But I really believe those are the rare instances. In reality, most men who cheat in long-term marriages do it because they are not getting sex at home and they do not want do divorce due to splitting kids, custody, housing, etc. No one is dismissing your experience--yes, there are narcissists that cheat on their wives who are sleeping with them, but that is not in every case it is is more the rare situation than the others where men are doing it because they lack physical intimacy in the marriage.

Is this why there are so many married women cheating too? The ones I know of are looking to upgrade and they can get better looking more successful mem when they stay an AP than if they had to go on the free market. The same men would not date them if they were single. They are not in the same class of looks/intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

+1 This is very true. Even my great-grandmother said this. She was born in the 1890s. Nothing has changed.

Too bad your great grandma isn’t alive because I would tell her she’s an @sshole to her face.

I had threesomes with spouse, sex of all variety 3-4 times per week and he still cheated.

Gram doesn’t know what the f@ck she’s talking about and what I’m seeing is the vast majority of women spouting this crap are actually being (or have been) cheated on. Most spouses never find out. They do it during work hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

+1 This is very true. Even my great-grandmother said this. She was born in the 1890s. Nothing has changed.

Too bad your great grandma isn’t alive because I would tell her she’s an @sshole to her face.

I had threesomes with spouse, sex of all variety 3-4 times per week and he still cheated.

Gram doesn’t know what the f@ck she’s talking about and what I’m seeing is the vast majority of women spouting this crap are actually being (or have been) cheated on. Most spouses never find out. They do it during work hours.

Whoa, you’re gonna need to check that baggage...

[Anonymous]

Agree, it’s very condescending to blame the victims. Many of these people are broken inside and that’s why they do what they do.

[Anonymous]

Because they're stupid.

[Anonymous]

Cheating pasts? Marriages? Long term relationships?

I agree marrying a divorced man or woman that hit divorced because they cheated is plain stupid. But- if you met your spouse in your 20s you don’t have a ton of history of tried and true relationships to go off of. How many people know exactly what happened to every HS or college romance?

If a guy is a player, yeah, he most likely will continue to be. But, 20-years in even people that never cheated sometimes do. That’s why they call it a midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

Men aren't good at being faithful. Some of us are realists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

STOP! Just stop! I had sex with my husband 3-4 times per week.

There are sex addicts and narcissists and all kinds of f@cked up people with last trauma.

Let’s stop blaming victims. Let’s realize there are a number of completely different reasons people cheat.

And women are cheating in the same numbers these days.

So quit spouting stupid sh@t.

Not PP you are responding to, and it is true that some men cheat when they are still getting action at home. But I really believe those are the rare instances. In reality, most men who cheat in long-term marriages do it because they are not getting sex at home and they do not want do divorce due to splitting kids, custody, housing, etc. No one is dismissing your experience--yes, there are narcissists that cheat on their wives who are sleeping with them, but that is not in every case it is is more the rare situation than the others where men are doing it because they lack physical intimacy in the marriage.

Agreed 1000%. Sure there are a handful of long-term wives who still had plenty of sex (now THAT is a minority right there!) .... yet their husband strayed (this combination is exceedingly small minority).
Most men (married and >30yo) are NOT practicing sex addicts or narcissists. It is not "victim blaming" to state the obvious: a wife who does not want sex can not have a faithful husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men cheat for sex. Keep your man happy in the bedroom especially when they hit 40-50 and they won’t have the energy to cheat.

STOP! Just stop! I had sex with my husband 3-4 times per week.

There are sex addicts and narcissists and all kinds of f@cked up people with last trauma.

Let’s stop blaming victims. Let’s realize there are a number of completely different reasons people cheat.

And women are cheating in the same numbers these days.

So quit spouting stupid sh@t.

Not PP you are responding to, and it is true that some men cheat when they are still getting action at home. But I really believe those are the rare instances. In reality, most men who cheat in long-term marriages do it because they are not getting sex at home and they do not want do divorce due to splitting kids, custody, housing, etc. No one is dismissing your experience--yes, there are narcissists that cheat on their wives who are sleeping with them, but that is not in every case it is is more the rare situation than the others where men are doing it because they lack physical intimacy in the marriage.

Is this why there are so many married women cheating too? The ones I know of are looking to upgrade and they can get better looking more successful mem when they stay an AP than if they had to go on the free market. The same men would not date them if they were single. They are not in the same class of looks/intelligence.

The point was not about how many married men vs women cheat. The point was the REASON for it.
Men who cheat do so because the wife does want sex (with him).
Women who cheat do so because they are sexually bored with husband but an exciting/new man comes along and courts her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be surprised when acquaintances become more like friends and start to tell memore personal things about their lives. A common thing I am finding is that these friends, who have been married 10 or more years (some as many as 35 years) were actually "the other woman". I guess sometimes the other woman really is the right one for some couples.

Very strange. All of my friends and neighbors are still in their first marriages. All are the original partners. We are in our 50s, everyone is married 20 years+.

Do you really know that, thought? ALL of your neighbors? ALL of your friends?

It is fairy easy to have had a quick first marriage, no kids, marry again, and have a great marriage. I know a few. One is my cousin. But you wouldn't know from her current life. Another is a good friend. I had no idea she had been "the other woman" 25 years ago until I started seeing her brother. Another is my best friend from college's parents. Long term marriage. But he was married before. But if I hadn't been close to these people, I would not have known. I'm sure there are purple in my life who have been divorced and remarried and i have no idea.