Why do women date or marry guys with cheating pasts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jerry Springer is still on?

It comes on right before Cheaters. Then Cops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jerry Springer is still on?

Yes, right after The Jenny Jones Show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was watching the Jerry Springer show today and it reminded me of the women of DCUM who say they dated or married a former cheater without caring if they cheated in the past. Most of the women on the show were redneck or trashy but I guess I expected women with higher standards in this area?

show is fake

[Anonymous]

Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Unless he gets therapy and heals. Pretty pessimistic to think that people can never change. You should spend some time with recovered alcohol and drug addicts. People can and do change when they find the tools, resources, and will to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are so heavily biased the poison of your own biased projection just drips from every word. There are a lot of cheaters. No comment here is more valid than another on how or why they cheat. It is all speculation based on everyone’s anecdotal evidence.

This exactly. Some people cheat because they are deprived at home, some because monogamy is just hard and there was opportunity, some because they are emotionally lonely. All the reasons someone might have sex is a potential reason to cheat

“Monogamy was hard that there was opportunity” seems like something a potential partner who desires monogamy shouldn’t gloss over, because that’s not going to change. And a lot of people who are emotionally lonely and feel deprived at home feel those ways because of their own issues. So many second wives think they can do better than the first, and they fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Unless he gets therapy and heals. Pretty pessimistic to think that people can never change. You should spend some time with recovered alcohol and drug addicts. People can and do change when they find the tools, resources, and will to do so.

The only ones that ever stick or even enter therapy are the ones that want to reconcile and stay in the marriage.

The cheaters that just move onto the next man/woman never think they have any issues. It was always the ex that was the problem or other circumstances. History will repeat itself in the 2nd marriage because they can't move on from themselves.

It's like the people that constantly move thinking that the neighborhood or city is the problem. They just bring their same sorry *sses to the next place and become just as miserable over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Unless he gets therapy and heals. Pretty pessimistic to think that people can never change. You should spend some time with recovered alcohol and drug addicts. People can and do change when they find the tools, resources, and will to do so.

The only ones that ever stick or even enter therapy are the ones that want to reconcile and stay in the marriage.

The cheaters that just move onto the next man/woman never think they have any issues. It was always the ex that was the problem or other circumstances. History will repeat itself in the 2nd marriage because they can't move on from themselves.

It's like the people that constantly move thinking that the neighborhood or city is the problem. They just bring their same sorry *sses to the next place and become just as miserable over time.

You know that some marriages suck, right? Sometimes it’s the marriage itself that is the reason the person cheats. Then they move on and get therapy. These type of cheaters can then form better relationships the next time around. It’s not a one-size-fits-all thing. Some many different circumstances, people, history, and motivations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Unless he gets therapy and heals. Pretty pessimistic to think that people can never change. You should spend some time with recovered alcohol and drug addicts. People can and do change when they find the tools, resources, and will to do so.

The only ones that ever stick or even enter therapy are the ones that want to reconcile and stay in the marriage.

The cheaters that just move onto the next man/woman never think they have any issues. It was always the ex that was the problem or other circumstances. History will repeat itself in the 2nd marriage because they can't move on from themselves.

It's like the people that constantly move thinking that the neighborhood or city is the problem. They just bring their same sorry *sses to the next place and become just as miserable over time.

You know that some marriages suck, right? Sometimes it’s the marriage itself that is the reason the person cheats. Then they move on and get therapy. These type of cheaters can then form better relationships the next time around. It’s not a one-size-fits-all thing. Some many different circumstances, people, history, and motivations.

It's rare. Almost all cheaters just dive right into dating or a new marriage. In my life--that is what I see with co-workers, neighbors, etc.

The ones I see that commit to therapy for the long-haul are the ones that hate themselves for what they did and desperately want to change themselves. They fight hard for the family and their spouse.

Too many therapists will just validate the cheating these days. It's 'define your own morality', etc. They won't even condone deceit if the person does not express regret about the cheating themselves.

[Anonymous]

Two APs leaving and getting married to each other aren't doing therapy . They are trashing their exes and former marriages and thinking they have found nirvana. Cheaters that cheat with each other always end up cheating when things get stale in the new marriage down the line. Nothing changed about them. 75% 2nd marriage failure rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many married women whose husbands cheat in midlife did not marry men with cheating pasts. Many were monogamous for 15-20 years with the wife before they cheated.

The women that start affairs and then marry a known cheater are plain dumb. He cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

Unless he gets therapy and heals. Pretty pessimistic to think that people can never change. You should spend some time with recovered alcohol and drug addicts. People can and do change when they find the tools, resources, and will to do so.

The only ones that ever stick or even enter therapy are the ones that want to reconcile and stay in the marriage.

The cheaters that just move onto the next man/woman never think they have any issues. It was always the ex that was the problem or other circumstances. History will repeat itself in the 2nd marriage because they can't move on from themselves.

It's like the people that constantly move thinking that the neighborhood or city is the problem. They just bring their same sorry *sses to the next place and become just as miserable over time.

+1

[Anonymous]

I had a college beau who's father was a cheater and he himself lapsed into cheating behavior.
As this was my first boyfriend, it was hard but thank goodness I wasn't terribly invested yet. Dropped him like a hot potato.

Now, my sister's first boyfriend was a cheater and for some horrid reason she stayed with him for years despite knowing the truth.
Her next boyfriend routinely cheated on her too.
Her current husband seems to have some issues on that front as well.
In hindsight, her first boyfriend conditioned her to expect this behavior.

The difference between my sibling and I is that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a college beau who's father was a cheater and he himself lapsed into cheating behavior.
As this was my first boyfriend, it was hard but thank goodness I wasn't terribly invested yet. Dropped him like a hot potato.

Now, my sister's first boyfriend was a cheater and for some horrid reason she stayed with him for years despite knowing the truth.
Her next boyfriend routinely cheated on her too.
Her current husband seems to have some issues on that front as well.
In hindsight, her first boyfriend conditioned her to expect this behavior.

The difference between my sibling and I is that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of relationship.

50% of people that are currently being cheated on do not even know it. Many, many women that don't think their husbands would ever do that would be surprised. Many marry 'non-cheaters' and then midlife stuff happens.

I would be very careful to pat yourself on the back and be critical of others. Life has a way of sometimes making you eat crow. I have seen it with women in my neighborhood that were really self-righteous about what they would or wouldn't put up with and how their spouses just weren't the cheating type...blah, blah, blah. Some of the men I found out about--- I never would have expected. They aren't always the 'type' you would expect to do it, e.g, seem like family men, not overly flirtatious.

Maybe try supporting your sister instead of being superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a college beau who's father was a cheater and he himself lapsed into cheating behavior.
As this was my first boyfriend, it was hard but thank goodness I wasn't terribly invested yet. Dropped him like a hot potato.

Now, my sister's first boyfriend was a cheater and for some horrid reason she stayed with him for years despite knowing the truth.
Her next boyfriend routinely cheated on her too.
Her current husband seems to have some issues on that front as well.
In hindsight, her first boyfriend conditioned her to expect this behavior.

The difference between my sibling and I is that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of relationship.

50% of people that are currently being cheated on do not even know it. Many, many women that don't think their husbands would ever do that would be surprised. Many marry 'non-cheaters' and then midlife stuff happens.

I would be very careful to pat yourself on the back and be critical of others. Life has a way of sometimes making you eat crow. I have seen it with women in my neighborhood that were really self-righteous about what they would or wouldn't put up with and how their spouses just weren't the cheating type...blah, blah, blah. Some of the men I found out about--- I never would have expected. They aren't always the 'type' you would expect to do it, e.g, seem like family men, not overly flirtatious.

Maybe try supporting your sister instead of being superior.

Yeah. This reminds me of the post in off-topic where the divorced woman is upset because all of her friends talked behind her back and dropped her as a friend when she was going through a divorce...and now one of them is facing divorced and all the sudden is reaching out with no apology about her dropping her at her time of need. You reap what you sow often.