Spouses sleeping in separate bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

Well if you are such Low Testosterone and don’t really need sex anyway, why then did you post about “sexually frustrated” and explain how your masturbarjo ritual? You should have simply said that separate beds works great, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

I am another of the PPs. I had an affair, and I can tell you they are not all fun and roses. If all you are looking for is sex, it's a massive headache with all the sneaking around and the constant disappointed AP who always wants more from you.

I am late 40s and like PP said my libido has slowed from sex being an obsession to it just being a need and not worth cheating over. Perhaps we amicably divorce at some point if we can't find a compromise but my wife is very content with celibacy

Why did you bother sneaking around? And if being celibate is no big deal then why did you post on this thread in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

I am another of the PPs. I had an affair, and I can tell you they are not all fun and roses. If all you are looking for is sex, it's a massive headache with all the sneaking around and the constant disappointed AP who always wants more from you.

I am late 40s and like PP said my libido has slowed from sex being an obsession to it just being a need and not worth cheating over. Perhaps we amicably divorce at some point if we can't find a compromise but my wife is very content with celibacy

Why did you bother sneaking around? And if being celibate is no big deal then why did you post on this thread in the first place?

I snuck around because I was in my 30s and sex was a much bigger deal than it is now. I would do it again but affairs are a lot more work and headache and heartache than younthink

[Anonymous]

I once lived with an artist who was extremely sensitive. She could hear a slightest noise from a different room. You might be married to an sensitive genius artist. Great sex otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

I am another of the PPs. I had an affair, and I can tell you they are not all fun and roses. If all you are looking for is sex, it's a massive headache with all the sneaking around and the constant disappointed AP who always wants more from you.

I am late 40s and like PP said my libido has slowed from sex being an obsession to it just being a need and not worth cheating over. Perhaps we amicably divorce at some point if we can't find a compromise but my wife is very content with celibacy

Why did you bother sneaking around? And if being celibate is no big deal then why did you post on this thread in the first place?

I snuck around because I was in my 30s and sex was a much bigger deal than it is now. I would do it again but affairs are a lot more work and headache and heartache than younthink

You completely missed the point. Don’t “sneak” just go out and have sex! Affairs are no more work than having a successful romantic relationship with your wife. So if the wife wants to be a sexless room mate you simply redirect 100% of those romantic efforts towards the other woman. Sounds like you are both low drive and low effort which is not an attractive combination and no wonder your wife is uninterested. Again your issue has nothing to do with which bedroom you sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

I am another of the PPs. I had an affair, and I can tell you they are not all fun and roses. If all you are looking for is sex, it's a massive headache with all the sneaking around and the constant disappointed AP who always wants more from you.

I am late 40s and like PP said my libido has slowed from sex being an obsession to it just being a need and not worth cheating over. Perhaps we amicably divorce at some point if we can't find a compromise but my wife is very content with celibacy

Why did you bother sneaking around? And if being celibate is no big deal then why did you post on this thread in the first place?

I snuck around because I was in my 30s and sex was a much bigger deal than it is now. I would do it again but affairs are a lot more work and headache and heartache than younthink

You completely missed the point. Don’t “sneak” just go out and have sex! Affairs are no more work than having a successful romantic relationship with your wife. So if the wife wants to be a sexless room mate you simply redirect 100% of those romantic efforts towards the other woman. Sounds like you are both low drive and low effort which is not an attractive combination and no wonder your wife is uninterested. Again your issue has nothing to do with which bedroom you sleep in.

If you’re going to continue to post this drivel, please learn that “roommate” is one word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sleep apart because of his heavy snoring but it has had no effect on our sex life. A few nights a week we start in same bed for 30 minutes or so. I love morning sex so I will sometimes slip into his bed at dawn and it’s fun to wake him up.

I would gladly sleep apart for this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

^^ all 3 of you PPs: Your problem isn't your choice of bedrooms. Your problem is calling somebody a "wife" who doesn't want sex with you. The proper word for that is a "room mate". And the normal/healthy solution to sexual frustration is then you go find a "girlfriend".

I'm one of the PPs - you're wrong. I was pretty unhappy for awhile there, but now I'm in my 50s and my libido isn't so urgent. I'm pretty content with my wife and intact family.

I am another of the PPs. I had an affair, and I can tell you they are not all fun and roses. If all you are looking for is sex, it's a massive headache with all the sneaking around and the constant disappointed AP who always wants more from you.

I am late 40s and like PP said my libido has slowed from sex being an obsession to it just being a need and not worth cheating over. Perhaps we amicably divorce at some point if we can't find a compromise but my wife is very content with celibacy

Why did you bother sneaking around? And if being celibate is no big deal then why did you post on this thread in the first place?

I snuck around because I was in my 30s and sex was a much bigger deal than it is now. I would do it again but affairs are a lot more work and headache and heartache than younthink

You completely missed the point. Don’t “sneak” just go out and have sex! Affairs are no more work than having a successful romantic relationship with your wife. So if the wife wants to be a sexless room mate you simply redirect 100% of those romantic efforts towards the other woman. Sounds like you are both low drive and low effort which is not an attractive combination and no wonder your wife is uninterested. Again your issue has nothing to do with which bedroom you sleep in.

DECLARE OPEN MARRIAGE (TM)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

How did you find this out??

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the entire thread but wanted to chime in that we did this for a while due to my (DW) light snoring and also my waking up at times in the middle of the night and reading and these things disturbing DH.

It seemed harmless at first because we would still cuddle before bed and have sex same as always but I grew to really miss having him in bed and it did impact the feeling of intimacy in the marriage, so now most nights we sleep together. I make an effort to sleep facing away from him so my heavy breathing doesn’t disturb him and this seems to help. He wears and eye mask so if I use my kindle in the middle of the night he doesn’t notice.

[Anonymous]

I sleep in a separate bedroom from my husband and it is absolutely blissful. I think the change came when our youngest was a baby and I was getting up to take care of him at night and then it just stuck. I just wanted space and time to myself at night and the guest bedroom became my haven. My husband snores and it drives me absolutely crazy hearing that at night, and I would just rather have quiet, uninterrupted sleep, and have space for myself. At first, my husband was hurt that I began sleeping in the guest bedroom, but I think he's accepted that I can't sleep with the snoring and I'm happier when I get a peaceful night's sleep. The only awkward thing is when my MIL comes to visit and SHE sleeps in the guest bedroom and my kids refer to it as mommy's room. Not sure she's caught on. At first I was mortified, but honestly if it came up again, I would just admit that yes, I sleep in there because her son snores so loudly that I cannot get a good night's sleep. Not to mention, now we have a puppy, and I'm the one dealing with the puppy at night--all the more reason to sleep separately. I have lots of friends who sleep separately too for a variety of reasons and we all agree, we're happier this way. Why torture yourself with snoring, restless sleep, temperature issues, etc., out of fear it will ruin your marriage? Whether or not you sleep next to someone doesn't define your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in a separate bedroom from my husband and it is absolutely blissful. I think the change came when our youngest was a baby and I was getting up to take care of him at night and then it just stuck. I just wanted space and time to myself at night and the guest bedroom became my haven. My husband snores and it drives me absolutely crazy hearing that at night, and I would just rather have quiet, uninterrupted sleep, and have space for myself. At first, my husband was hurt that I began sleeping in the guest bedroom, but I think he's accepted that I can't sleep with the snoring and I'm happier when I get a peaceful night's sleep. The only awkward thing is when my MIL comes to visit and SHE sleeps in the guest bedroom and my kids refer to it as mommy's room. Not sure she's caught on. At first I was mortified, but honestly if it came up again, I would just admit that yes, I sleep in there because her son snores so loudly that I cannot get a good night's sleep. Not to mention, now we have a puppy, and I'm the one dealing with the puppy at night--all the more reason to sleep separately. I have lots of friends who sleep separately too for a variety of reasons and we all agree, we're happier this way. Why torture yourself with snoring, restless sleep, temperature issues, etc., out of fear it will ruin your marriage? Whether or not you sleep next to someone doesn't define your marriage.

You’ve overlooked the most significant aspect of sleeping in separate rooms, and that’s whether or not you’re still maintaining an active sex life with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

How did you find this out??

He gave me an STD and I confronted him.

[Anonymous]

I am not happily married but I would be much more unhappy if we slept in the same bed every night. We start out together and when his snoring wakes me up I go sleep in the guest room. Honestly once he retires he will probably sleep in the guest room full time. He really does not like coming to bed at 11 and won't do it when he doesn't have to get up for work. His ideal schedule is 1 am to 11 am for sleep, and mine is 10:30 to 6:30, as I am an early morning exerciser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband snores like a congested wildebeest. If we didn’t sleep in different rooms he’d be dead and I’d be in jail for murdering him

Same here! We sleep separately so we both sleep well. We never allowed the dogs or kids in our bed either and we prioritize everyone getting a good night's sleep. Works for us and our kids and our dogs!