Spouses sleeping in separate bedrooms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this often? We are in early forties, have been sleeping apart 8 years now. I hate it. DH can't sleep well at night. Our sex life has never been great but last 2 years or so got really bad. I am in great shape and he loves me a lot. He is a loyal husband but I hate this arrangement.

Anyone sleeping in separate bedrooms and happily married?

Wow! Similar situation for last 4 years - my DH uses guest room every other night because of back issues and says it helps him sleep better because our bed is not comfortable. I’ve suggested we buy a new bed that we both like but he’s not willing to pay $5k for good mattress at this point and doesn’t think one exists that will help. Sex life is non existent but he’s loyal, respectful, great dad, and supportive in other ways. He’s never had a high sex drive and I realize we are essentially roommates/best friends. I’ve gotten used to being “alone” every other night and the dog is happy in his spot!!! It sucks seeing your marriage evolve differently than you imagined and if it’s a deal breaker for you to not sleep together, then it’s ok to voice your concerns. DH has depression and naturally avoids confrontation, but thankfully he’s been virtually meeting with a counselor which helps but nothing is perfect. Right now, the sleeping arrangements are low on things to focus on. On another note, my parents are in their 70s- still married and have their own bedrooms - but happy is all relative 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband snores like a congested wildebeest. If we didn’t sleep in different rooms he’d be dead and I’d be in jail for murdering him

Same! We used to fuss and fight at night because he snores like this and loves to do it on my pillow, in my ear. I started sleeping in the guest room on occasion and it's heavenly. We cuddle and chat in my bed to unwind, have sex a couple nights a week, and he tucks me in and leaves. It really is just about sleep quality for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this often? We are in early forties, have been sleeping apart 8 years now. I hate it. DH can't sleep well at night. Our sex life has never been great but last 2 years or so got really bad. I am in great shape and he loves me a lot. He is a loyal husband but I hate this arrangement.

Anyone sleeping in separate bedrooms and happily married?

What does being in great shape have to do with anything on this topic? Are you claiming that he should be eager to sleep in the same bed with you because you're in great shape?

The first DCUM question on this topic is always “did you get fat”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my room so bad - DH has always struggled with flatulence, and I wake up from the smell. I managed to convince him to have separate blankets, but having separate bedrooms offends him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

[Anonymous]

Same situation here except I want to have more sex and my wife wants none. I don't really care about sleeping in the same bed as much as the lack of sex. 6x in past year.

I find that if we are having regular sex we can sleep.apart and it's fine. But sleeping separate and being celibate feels really really lonely.

Perhaps start by having the hard talk about sex and see if that Sparks an interest in cuddling together. My guess is he is taking care of himself to porn in the guestroom which is why he isn't interested in sex with you

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on your marriage. If it's strong and you find other ways to talk and connect, it can work. That said, the majority of the time it drives a wedge further into a relationship, at least it did for mine and my parents. I saw my Dad on the couch. My parents ended in divorce. It pains me that my wife and I are in separate rooms. We are as close to being separated with out it being official. Sleeping separately contributed to our issue, partly because it's a missed opportunity to connect on a daily basis and for a couple that is struggling with communication, that's a problem. My advice, don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Sleeping in the same bed won’t fix ur sex life..:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

Omg. I’m sorry. We have always slept in the same bed (though I kicked mine out when I found out he was sleeping with another woman—while still having a very active sex life with me). He’s back in our bed and I am grossed out when he tries to hold me.

Get tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

Omg. I’m sorry. We have always slept in the same bed (though I kicked mine out when I found out he was sleeping with another woman—while still having a very active sex life with me). He’s back in our bed and I am grossed out when he tries to hold me.

Get tested.

Not to derail the thread but why stay married? My wife also caught me cheating, it was 10 months ago, and she still wants nothing to do with me physically but begs me not to divorce. Do you plan on being celibate or are you just biding time until you are ready for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. but we have not had sex in 6 months and he completely ok with it. He has been going through some health issues but nothing too serious.

Well, I'm not saying this applies in your case, but same situation here (separate bedrooms, not much sex), and then I found out he'd been hooking up with men. I'm learning this is a lot more common than I ever dreamed.

Omg. I’m sorry. We have always slept in the same bed (though I kicked mine out when I found out he was sleeping with another woman—while still having a very active sex life with me). He’s back in our bed and I am grossed out when he tries to hold me.

Get tested.

Not to derail the thread but why stay married? My wife also caught me cheating, it was 10 months ago, and she still wants nothing to do with me physically but begs me not to divorce. Do you plan on being celibate or are you just biding time until you are ready for divorce?

We are having a lot of sex at times. After he was STD tested TWICE- 3 months apart. Google “hysterical bonding”. Then I hate myself for doing it when I think about what he did. It’s a cycle.

What are you doing about it? Mine is really working hard—therapy 4 days per week and everything around the house. He’s shown incredible remorse and self hatred for what he did. That’s the only reason he is here for now. The sex has been amazing which is why he’s back in the bed. I have no idea what our future holds, but my kids are starting high school and I have no plans for separate homes or messing up their world...while he messes up mine.

[Anonymous]

PP. He’s the one begging me not to divorce him.

[Anonymous]

DH and I sleep in separate beds most of the time since I’m an active, thrashing sleeper and he’s not. We have a good sex life. We share a bed for that, just sleep apart.

[Anonymous]

I prefer it. My spouse insists on cosleeping with our child, and I can’t take two people kicking and thrashing all night. Spouse also likes to randomly talk or touch me constantly in the middle of the night, which wakes me up. I can’t take the sleep deprivation.

Unfortunately spouse gets offended at the idea of separate bedrooms, so I usually just sneak out in the middle of the night and go to the guest room.

[Anonymous]

We’ve slept apart mostly for over 10 years. My husband wakes up extremely early for work so he would wake me up in the morning or I would wake him up at night when I came to bed. On the weekends sometimes we sleep together. No big deal. We both feel more rested for our days.