Spouses sleeping in separate bedrooms

[Anonymous]

My parents did, but they were 90. They were just thankful to wake up alive,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate bedrooms and it works so well. We go to bed at different times and need different levels of silence to sleep (ie total silence vs music). Google Carson daily and his wife. It’s becoming more and more common these days. I think it’s pretty healthy and sleep is so important.

Everyone knows Carson Daly is closeted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

It's probably worse in the long term, since it's my situation too, and since I got the guestro, we have gone from 1x a month to 1x a season. But at least I. Not sexually frustrated anymore, I can take care of things in private at night and morning. It does reveal how she is fine to never have sex again. For now I prefer being a full time dad but it's hard to see the point of remaining married when we are empty nesters.

She looks at retirement places for us and I look at her like she has 5 heads and is clueless. I imagine she would turn a blind eye if I found something on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this often? We are in early forties, have been sleeping apart 8 years now. I hate it. DH can't sleep well at night. Our sex life has never been great but last 2 years or so got really bad. I am in great shape and he loves me a lot. He is a loyal husband but I hate this arrangement.

Anyone sleeping in separate bedrooms and happily married?

What does being in great shape have to do with anything on this topic? Are you claiming that he should be eager to sleep in the same bed with you because you're in great shape?

Nothing. But OP has clearly spent some time on this board and knows that if she does not specify that she is fit, then some dude will inevitably comment that she has clearly "let herself go" and that's why her DH does not want to f**k her. Every. Single. Time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - my husband snores or uses a loud CPAP, is restless, gets up at 5am (in retirement) and starts banging around the room getting dressed. I like to stay up and late and sleep late. Sleeping in separate rooms is much better.

Your husband is my dad, without the CPAP. And then he gets mad at my mom for "sleeping in" past 6 am and "wasting time" watching TV and talking to her friends on the phone. They're in their late 70s. He's still taking care of 15 acres of land by himself and has tons of additional projects going on all the time. My mom sleeps with her cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my room so bad - DH has always struggled with flatulence, and I wake up from the smell. I managed to convince him to have separate blankets, but having separate bedrooms offends him.

LOL. "Struggled with flatulence". Doesn't the gas come out easily? Tell him his flatulence offends you.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat as the PP. Between the gas and the rogaine, the smells that come to bed with him just gross me out. Then he puffs loudly all night long. I want my own room so bad. I wind up on the couch (no guest room) about 3 or 4 nights a week. It doesn't help that he's a sexist pig on top of it.

[Anonymous]

Yep, we have slept in different beds for several years (started when we had a newborn and then we realized we both like it better that way) and are very happily married. Our sex life hasn't changed much-- we never really had sex near/at/after bedtime anyway. We usually try to cuddle for a few minutes before bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sleep in separate bedrooms, but, no, not happily married. He claims he tosses, turns, and snores all night. I got used to that and wore ear plugs. He sleeps down the hall. The dog has taken his spot.

The dog is better to be with also.

[Anonymous]

My husband grew up sharing a bed with his brother. I have never shared a bed with anyone so I need to sleep alone. At first I went on the sofa then gradually got my own room ready. He was a bit offended by it but I really did not care. He snores, passes gas, his skin feels hot, he doesn't like the ceiling fan on, covers up to the neck and likes the tv on. I like quiet, I like to read at night, ceiling fan on hurricane speed and only cover with a sheet. I also have restless legs so that was the main reason I needed my own space.

We have sex in his bed when/if he wants. I don't allow him in my room. LOL. If he asked I'd let him go in but he never goes in there.
I got a twin bed so he couldn't creep up and try to get some. A bed for my size only.

I also like having my own bathroom. I put all my pretties and smell good in there. Decorated it like I like it. No more oops I missed and peed on the floor. My bathroom is girls only.

It works for us. I really don't care what anyone thinks. If we had a basement I'd make that my living room and bedroom.

That would be the shit !

[Anonymous]

Wow, this might be the all-time most depressing DCUM thread.

There's something terribly wrong with a wife who "doesn't allow him in my room" and whose husband never asks to go in. Or people who would rather sleep with their dog than their spouse.

This is why people get divorced - or spent their lives in misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we have slept in different beds for several years (started when we had a newborn and then we realized we both like it better that way) and are very happily married. Our sex life hasn't changed much-- we never really had sex near/at/after bedtime anyway. We usually try to cuddle for a few minutes before bedtime.

Why don't you have sex???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat as the PP. Between the gas and the rogaine, the smells that come to bed with him just gross me out. Then he puffs loudly all night long. I want my own room so bad. I wind up on the couch (no guest room) about 3 or 4 nights a week. It doesn't help that he's a sexist pig on top of it.

Maybe you should get divorced and find someone how you don't detest?

Do you work? Are you financially dependent on him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sleep in the guest room because: a) I sleep better; and b) I can masturbate in peace.

I used to endure the trouble I have falling asleep in the hopes that being in the bedroom would help our sex life. But it didn't. (Once every 4-6 weeks before, same after.)

I know my wife would like me to sleep in bed with her, but overall our marriage is better if I'm better rested & not sexually frustrated.

Wow, this is so dead on to my marriage I thought I wrote it. I tried to make it a habit of going back to sleep with my wife but all it led to was sexual frustration a d resentment. So back to the guest room for me

In all seriousness, this is exactly it. My DW and I have had issues with sex lately to the point where I'm lucky if it happens 1x month. She's borderline asexual and never initiates. Going to bed is fraught with issues - it's depressing/frustrating getting into bed with her b/c there is no chance for sex even when I'm crazy for her. I can see how sleeping in a guest bedroom would help in that regard but it's certainly not a long term solution

It's probably worse in the long term, since it's my situation too, and since I got the guestro, we have gone from 1x a month to 1x a season. But at least I. Not sexually frustrated anymore, I can take care of things in private at night and morning. It does reveal how she is fine to never have sex again. For now I prefer being a full time dad but it's hard to see the point of remaining married when we are empty nesters.

She looks at retirement places for us and I look at her like she has 5 heads and is clueless. I imagine she would turn a blind eye if I found something on the side.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Just moved into the guest room for sleeping, about 2 weeks ago. LOVE IT! I refer to it as my 'mom cave', as it's downstairs off to one end of the house.
Reasons for the decision:
DH has a condition I think is "period limb movement disorder" in which he does a lot of sleep movements that is disruptive to me as a light sleeper, making me wake up in the middle of the night and not go back to sleep. He has been slow to accept his need to get treatment and with COVID he's not going to spend an overnight in a specialists' observation. nor is there a likely treatment anyways.
DH also gets really sleepy at 9:30 pm when I've just gotten the tweens to bed and want to stay up for a little personal time. So I don't go to sleep until midnight (or, ahem, later like now, though this is unusual). Meanwhile, DH wakes around 6 and fidgets like crazy, apparently when he's still barely aware of it. Buying a special new mattress did not help.
Third, our ADHD son wakes really early too and no matter what we have tried, he comes into the Master BR because he is kinda clingy with my DH.
I was getting extremely sleep deprived and grouchy. It could also be menopause for me that makes me sensitive about sleep. Until he successfully tackles the sleep disorder, I'll sleep in my Mom Cave. DH has to deal with the morning routine (mostly DS, as DD is self-sufficient), and I get to sleep in. But there is upside for him definitely, because occasionally, I will hang out with him in our master BR at night, before I head down, in which case it is to initiate sex. Has been more frequent since I reclaimed my ability to sleep when I need it. Married 15 years, happily so.