First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very easy to tell in this thread which posters experienced their parents’ divorces and remarriages and which people are themselves divorced/remarried.

I've had both. Step Daughter is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Change the names to DD (dear daughter, family one) and SM2 (step mom/2nd wife).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very easy to tell in this thread which posters experienced their parents’ divorces and remarriages and which people are themselves divorced/remarried.

I am neither but you don’t have to have experienced divorce first-hand to understand the dynamics involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

Wow you sound like a jerk. No one said kumbaya, people justctryingvto get along a figuring out how to be a family. Grow the eff up, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.

Bitter ????
Your outlook on life SUCKS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.

I completely agree, except that only Granddad is old, not stepmom.

OP is 43 so not old, but her 29yo SD may perceive het on the older end to be having an infant.

Or she might perceive her as being young/close in age to her and her siblings.

With a middle aged woman with and infant, it could go either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, another thread where people are entitled to feelings but not their behavior.

We teach this to our minor children...life isn't fair sometimes but that doesn't make it okay to blame, abuse, and be otherwise inconsiderate to other people.

Stepdaughter needs to intervene when her son is bullying, not permit her kids to tear up OP and DH's house, and she needs to pitch in because everyone is sick and that's what adults do.

And now knowing the dynamics, she needs to spend next Christmas ar her house, perhaps hosting her siblings, and accepting the sucky reality that Dad/Granddad can’t join because he had to focus on Family #2.

At least she was game to try it once.

HE INVITED THEM TO HIS HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS. Good grief.

Correct. And it’s not working. So Kids Group #1, especially irritated SD, would be wise to make a different choice next year and not to have Dad/Granddad be a core part of the plans.

Well, he wanted them to come, it's what he wanted. And I'm sure he meant it in a nice way. But I am skeptical that they wanted it as much as he did. Sounds like traveling was more a gift from them to the DH.

DH should understand that he has made the choice to have a second family and spend less time with his grandchildren. He has the right to do it, but it is not realistic to expect the adult children to be happy about it. He could have married someone his own age instead. It was his choice.

OMG!!!
Some if you have some real freaking issues . For all you know the husband could be 43 as well my husband is my age and has an adult child from an early marriage .you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit you are a bunch of damn jerk you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit .you are a bunch of bitter, self centered harpies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very easy to tell in this thread which posters experienced their parents’ divorces and remarriages and which people are themselves divorced/remarried.

I've had both. Step Daughter is a jerk.

+10000
I'm the child of divorced and a stepparent .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, another thread where people are entitled to feelings but not their behavior.

We teach this to our minor children...life isn't fair sometimes but that doesn't make it okay to blame, abuse, and be otherwise inconsiderate to other people.

Stepdaughter needs to intervene when her son is bullying, not permit her kids to tear up OP and DH's house, and she needs to pitch in because everyone is sick and that's what adults do.

And now knowing the dynamics, she needs to spend next Christmas ar her house, perhaps hosting her siblings, and accepting the sucky reality that Dad/Granddad can’t join because he had to focus on Family #2.

At least she was game to try it once.

HE INVITED THEM TO HIS HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS. Good grief.

Correct. And it’s not working. So Kids Group #1, especially irritated SD, would be wise to make a different choice next year and not to have Dad/Granddad be a core part of the plans.

Well, he wanted them to come, it's what he wanted. And I'm sure he meant it in a nice way. But I am skeptical that they wanted it as much as he did. Sounds like traveling was more a gift from them to the DH.

DH should understand that he has made the choice to have a second family and spend less time with his grandchildren. He has the right to do it, but it is not realistic to expect the adult children to be happy about it. He could have married someone his own age instead. It was his choice.

OMG!!!
Some if you have some real freaking issues . For all you know the husband could be 43 as well my husband is my age and has an adult child from an early marriage .you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit you are a bunch of damn jerk you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit .you are a bunch of bitter, self centered harpies.

He could have been a 14 year old dad who got his first wife pregnant as a 13 year old 7th or 8th grader, but that is not likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, another thread where people are entitled to feelings but not their behavior.

We teach this to our minor children...life isn't fair sometimes but that doesn't make it okay to blame, abuse, and be otherwise inconsiderate to other people.

Stepdaughter needs to intervene when her son is bullying, not permit her kids to tear up OP and DH's house, and she needs to pitch in because everyone is sick and that's what adults do.

And now knowing the dynamics, she needs to spend next Christmas ar her house, perhaps hosting her siblings, and accepting the sucky reality that Dad/Granddad can’t join because he had to focus on Family #2.

At least she was game to try it once.

HE INVITED THEM TO HIS HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS. Good grief.

Correct. And it’s not working. So Kids Group #1, especially irritated SD, would be wise to make a different choice next year and not to have Dad/Granddad be a core part of the plans.

Well, he wanted them to come, it's what he wanted. And I'm sure he meant it in a nice way. But I am skeptical that they wanted it as much as he did. Sounds like traveling was more a gift from them to the DH.

DH should understand that he has made the choice to have a second family and spend less time with his grandchildren. He has the right to do it, but it is not realistic to expect the adult children to be happy about it. He could have married someone his own age instead. It was his choice.

OMG!!!
Some if you have some real freaking issues . For all you know the husband could be 43 as well my husband is my age and has an adult child from an early marriage .you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit you are a bunch of damn jerk you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit .you are a bunch of bitter, self centered harpies.

Wait, what?

Your husband had it first child in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

Wow you sound like a jerk. No one said kumbaya, people justctryingvto get along a figuring out how to be a family. Grow the eff up, PP.

“He desperately wants one big happy family” ?

That sounds pretty kumbayah to me.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds like a decent person to me, it can only go up now Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, another thread where people are entitled to feelings but not their behavior.

We teach this to our minor children...life isn't fair sometimes but that doesn't make it okay to blame, abuse, and be otherwise inconsiderate to other people.

Stepdaughter needs to intervene when her son is bullying, not permit her kids to tear up OP and DH's house, and she needs to pitch in because everyone is sick and that's what adults do.

And now knowing the dynamics, she needs to spend next Christmas ar her house, perhaps hosting her siblings, and accepting the sucky reality that Dad/Granddad can’t join because he had to focus on Family #2.

At least she was game to try it once.

HE INVITED THEM TO HIS HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS. Good grief.

Correct. And it’s not working. So Kids Group #1, especially irritated SD, would be wise to make a different choice next year and not to have Dad/Granddad be a core part of the plans.

Well, he wanted them to come, it's what he wanted. And I'm sure he meant it in a nice way. But I am skeptical that they wanted it as much as he did. Sounds like traveling was more a gift from them to the DH.

DH should understand that he has made the choice to have a second family and spend less time with his grandchildren. He has the right to do it, but it is not realistic to expect the adult children to be happy about it. He could have married someone his own age instead. It was his choice.

OMG!!!
Some if you have some real freaking issues . For all you know the husband could be 43 as well my husband is my age and has an adult child from an early marriage .you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit you are a bunch of damn jerk you saying better hoes are the same ones will be out here bitching because the husband and stepmom were trying to figure out how to make a blended family and make everyone feel loved and a part of a larger family unit .you are a bunch of bitter, self centered harpies.

Wait, what?

Your husband had it first child in middle school?

https://media1.tenor.com/images/656260716b7e3d4964e7fef5a8796ce8/tenor.gif?itemid=7782915

[Anonymous]

How old is the DH??

Some people are suggesting he’s in his 40’s and had his 29year d daughter as a teen. Others claim he’s a senior citizen. Did OP ever clarify? Which is it?