Depressed, and upset ..boyfriend broke up with me and I think his mother was the reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wow op I am so sorry. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't love you. Move on. I do not have a bachelors degree and I am married to a doctor now. My husband is from a culture where women do not typically work. He had zero judgment. I dated other men before my husband and it wasn't a problem. I worked as a preschool teacher for many years and they were fine with my career choice. Now that my husband is finished with residency I can finish my BA. The right guy will support you and help you with your goals.

Did you read that the OP has no goals?

She does have goals. She wants to be a wife and mother. She wants a man interested in being the breadwinner while she is a traditional wife and stays home and cares for the kids. It’s a DCUM sin to want these things without obtaining a PhD first, but it’s a goal and it doesn’t make op the horrible names many of you have chosen to call her. As pp pointed out there are many high salaried men that want this and many of them grew up with highly educated and high powered moms and dads. The things your adult children desire and value in their personal relationships may be vastly different from what you would choose.

Most, ok, all the SAHMs, I know, are highly educated, equivalent to their husbands. Most met in college or grad school. Similar values are generally considered a prerequisite for a successful marriage.

That’s mainly because SAHMs tend to be from upper middle class backgrounds. Poorer women have to work.

This is completely false. Most stay at home mom's are too poor to pay for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

Hopefully your son is a better, more open minded, than you are.

Would you want your son to marry someone like OP?

OP never came back so she was possibly a troll.

I think OP was a troll, too. She was way too self-satisfied about what she would (if she were real) certainly know to be the undesirable combination of single-mom plus no goals and looking to saddle onto a man.

[Anonymous]

OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

I LOVE YOU

What did she say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

I LOVE YOU

What did she say?

She was stunned and didn't say anything. What is there to say??

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

I’d rather live in my bubble than in those ass backwards societies.

I’m not defending that particular attitude; I’m just saying that it is common and has a logical origin.

People are different and the flip side of those same societies is an intense loyalty to family and making sure that no one is left behind. The same people who you are looking down at think that many of our attitudes are backwards and inhumane too. The idea of “cutting off” offensive family members, or letting a sibling or cousins suffer through hard times without offering all the support you can, would strike these people as cold and backwards.

I’m not saying it’s great to be hostile to single mothers or something (I was raised by a single mother btw), I am saying that automatically calling a society “backwards” because of a single attitude perhaps shows a lack of understanding of our own society’s weaknesses or what other people might consider backwards about us.

You guys are so funny criticizing the foreign PP when you agree with the OP's ex-bf's mom. The PP wasn't saying about condemning single moms, just looking down on them...this is a very common attitude in 99% of the world where people don't have three baby daddies. Get some perspective.

Agree with this too. People in other countries know that having a child on your own doesn't set the kid or the mom up for success. It's not something to be encouraged or to be seen as progressive.

One of my close friends is a single mom and she managed to go to med school and become a top doctor while a single mother. Her daughter is lovely, intelligent and confident.
It’s more a class thing where OP isn’t so smart, but her BF and his family is. She’s not even curious about learning new things or working at anything very hard . This is just going to be a mismatch. It’s symbiotic really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

Hopefully your son is a better, more open minded, than you are.

I hope not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

Hopefully your son is a better, more open minded, than you are.

Would you want your son to marry someone like OP?

OP never came back so she was possibly a troll.

I think OP was a troll, too. She was way too self-satisfied about what she would (if she were real) certainly know to be the undesirable combination of single-mom plus no goals and looking to saddle onto a man.

I think that the OP is the MIL, venting her rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating an amazing man for over a year, things were going well ...he had even mentioned seeing us long term, getting married and all.
Suddenly out of no where he started distancing himself, one missed call turned into him not acting like his normal self and then the truth came out.

I think the reason he broke up with my was due to his mother.
My boyfriend grew up in a stable home, with loving parents-straight laced.
He is successful and his parents are proud and then here I am.

I didn't go to college because I didn't think it was something I could afford. I was in a relationship that didn't last but ended up pregnant.
My life has not been easy. Being a single mom, working like a dog just to provide a roof over our heads.

My boyfriend was this amazing person who didn't judge me, and took care of us while we were together.
Then I met his parents and his mom was not as interested in getting to know me, she was fake.
His dad was genuine. She had asked if I had planned to go to college, and asked if I had any aspirations, she just kept making things about success.

His parents are both successful, and so I didn't feel like I'd fit in. While his mom was nice and meeting them was not as bad as I thought, I just felt she judged me silently. His father never struck me as fake like she did. just my feeling.

When breaking up, he made it a point to say he thought while there would be a future in another life, for now he needed time to himself and to reflect on somethings.
He said he had a lot of think about and while he loves us (daughter and me) he said he isn't sure we're compatible. My lack of success was never a problem until his mother started
meddling. He has always had a close relationship with them, especially his mom. She made something of herself when she came from nothing, so he has told me.

I just feel like she judged me for being a single poor mom. Like I said, I choose not to go to college, but college isn't for everyone.

I just want my daughter to have an amazing father figure and not worry about anything, and I thought he was the one.

So he needs some time and space to sort things out. I’d agree.
If in 13 months time he met you and went right to “taking care of you and your daughter” to then meeting his family, that is pretty fast.

How old is he? You?

Give him space, he may come back. Meanwhile be the best person you can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, when your boyfriend’s successful mother asks you about your plans and aspirations, you damn well better have some plans and aspirations to talk about. Hell, make something up or talk about your dream career or something, anything. I wouldn’t have wanted my son to date someone who could not answer that question either. Would you want your daughter to?

Touché.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

Are they still dating? Better hope they don't get married, because once the ring is on your son will be Team Wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

This is brilliant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, single moms like OP are frustrating. She's like a used car expecting to be seen like she's not got any mileage on her. Be realistic girl!

Oh yay, the "women are cars" troll returns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, single moms like OP are frustrating. She's like a used car expecting to be seen like she's not got any mileage on her. Be realistic girl!

Oh yay, the "women are cars" troll returns.

I'm not a troll. I'm speaking the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

Are they still dating? Better hope they don't get married, because once the ring is on your son will be Team Wife.

Well she's honestly not so bad. His first wife was a mother of four kids, with multiple baby daddies (never thought I would ever use this term to describe a DIL) and guess what? She divorced him after years of him supporting her and her brood and now she's shacked up with some guy she met from AA. I think some men do have a savior complex.