Depressed, and upset ..boyfriend broke up with me and I think his mother was the reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

Are they still dating? Better hope they don't get married, because once the ring is on your son will be Team Wife.

Well she's honestly not so bad. His first wife was a mother of four kids, with multiple baby daddies (never thought I would ever use this term to describe a DIL) and guess what? She divorced him after years of him supporting her and her brood and now she's shacked up with some guy she met from AA. I think some men do have a savior complex.

His family of origin is a very plausible explanation for this...

[Anonymous]

A few people here are harsh, but OP c'mon. You chose not to go college and had a kid outside of marriage, but you wonder why his mother couldn't see you are a good person instead of your lack of success and your out-of-wedlock kid? Why can't you see that his mother wanted him to be with a good person, who was also successful? And you don't know that his mom had anything to do with it, but you do know you came to the table with a lot of shortcomings and maybe in the past year he didn't see you making efforts to improve and decided that a woman with few career options and ambitions was not what he wanted for his wife and life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Except maybe Norway? And their Crown Prince?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Except maybe Norway? And their Crown Prince?

They did receive a ton of criticism for her being a single mom, plus her ex was a drug dealer or something. So yes, the PP is right. It's still not ok in other parts of the world. Do you think if MM had a kid, Queen E would be ok with her marrying Harry?

[Anonymous]

Some posters are probably correct in that this is basically a social class issue. OP's boyfriend and MIL are likely from upper-middle-class backgrounds where people who didn't go to college are "losers" and having a child out of wedlock makes you a failure.

Sorry, OP. If you live in the DC area, you might consider moving somewhere that people are less snobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some posters are probably correct in that this is basically a social class issue. OP's boyfriend and MIL are likely from upper-middle-class backgrounds where people who didn't go to college are "losers" and having a child out of wedlock makes you a failure.

Sorry, OP. If you live in the DC area, you might consider moving somewhere that people are less snobby.

It's also a logistical issue because she wants him to bankroll her life with her DD. It's not gonna fly.

[Anonymous]

This post makes me sad I’m a single mom - highly educated but have stayed at home for many years. My husband walked out a couple of years ago. I’m by all means no gold digger. But I do hope to find love again...even though I guess I “lack ambition”.

[Anonymous]

Then what have you done the last 24mos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then what have you done the last 24mos?

I’ve been taking care of my kids and my home like I’ve always done. In addition I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces of a broken family. Just recently I’ve been starting to date. But it’s very, very difficult. And reading this thread makes me see mysel (in some ways) through other people’s eyes. Your career defines you. I’m honestly considering starting my own non profit. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op I am so sorry. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't love you. Move on. I do not have a bachelors degree and I am married to a doctor now. My husband is from a culture where women do not typically work. He had zero judgment. I dated other men before my husband and it wasn't a problem. I worked as a preschool teacher for many years and they were fine with my career choice. Now that my husband is finished with residency I can finish my BA. The right guy will support you and help you with your goals.

Did you read that the OP has no goals?

She does have goals. She wants to be a wife and mother. She wants a man interested in being the breadwinner while she is a traditional wife and stays home and cares for the kids. It’s a DCUM sin to want these things without obtaining a PhD first, but it’s a goal and it doesn’t make op the horrible names many of you have chosen to call her. As pp pointed out there are many high salaried men that want this and many of them grew up with highly educated and high powered moms and dads. The things your adult children desire and value in their personal relationships may be vastly different from what you would choose.

Most, ok, all the SAHMs, I know, are highly educated, equivalent to their husbands. Most met in college or grad school. Similar values are generally considered a prerequisite for a successful marriage.

That’s mainly because SAHMs tend to be from upper middle class backgrounds. Poorer women have to work.

This is completely false. Most stay at home mom's are too poor to pay for daycare.

If you are poor the state will pay for day care for you to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. [b]No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP could be a troll but entitled crazy women like her do exist! One of my sons is dating a single mom with her 5yo and when she came over to our house, she actually asked us to take down a nude painting because "the lady has no clothes on". To take her down a peg, I told her "I didn't know you were so traditionally minded considering that you didn't marry your son's father" and smiled. She finally knew her place. Nothing against women like her but I am against hypocrites.

I LOVE YOU

What did she say?

She was stunned and didn't say anything. What is there to say??

^^ Will you talk some sense into your son so he breaks it off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he dumped you because of his mother then you dodged a bullet.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your boyfriend decided to look for a different match.

Nothing new here

Agreed. That happens. He may have found someone better than you and he might have felt that he will be happier with that girl. No need to blame the mom for voicing any concern about you. If he was willing to listen to the mom, that meant for him you were not fighting for. It was not true love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then what have you done the last 24mos?

I’ve been taking care of my kids and my home like I’ve always done. In addition I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces of a broken family. Just recently I’ve been starting to date. But it’s very, very difficult. And reading this thread makes me see mysel (in some ways) through other people’s eyes. Your career defines you. I’m honestly considering starting my own non profit. Problem solved.

You are different because your ex pays for you and your kids.