Depressed, and upset ..boyfriend broke up with me and I think his mother was the reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

[Anonymous]

OP, welcome to DCUM, where gold diggers are heroines, but single moms seeking a stable man to be a father figure for their children are villains. BTW, his mom sounds like a stuck up social climber. As someone who has endured a MIL like that, believe me when I tell you that you dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

I’d rather live in my bubble than in those ass backwards societies.

[Anonymous]

No. It sounds like you were the problem and his mom just pointed that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op I am so sorry. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't love you. Move on. I do not have a bachelors degree and I am married to a doctor now. My husband is from a culture where women do not typically work. He had zero judgment. I dated other men before my husband and it wasn't a problem. I worked as a preschool teacher for many years and they were fine with my career choice. Now that my husband is finished with residency I can finish my BA. The right guy will support you and help you with your goals.

Did you read that the OP has no goals?

She does have goals. She wants to be a wife and mother. She wants a man interested in being the breadwinner while she is a traditional wife and stays home and cares for the kids. It’s a DCUM sin to want these things without obtaining a PhD first, but it’s a goal and it doesn’t make op the horrible names many of you have chosen to call her. As pp pointed out there are many high salaried men that want this and many of them grew up with highly educated and high powered moms and dads. The things your adult children desire and value in their personal relationships may be vastly different from what you would choose.

Puh-lease! I've always WOH and am, in fact, the primary breadwinner in our family. I have no problems with a parent (male or female) choosing to stay home if that is the best decision for their family. I also grew up in the midwest where most people do not have college degrees. I know many people who make a good living without those degrees. They are, by no means, wealthy but I would still consider them successful as they are able to support themselves, are committed to their families, pay their mortgages, are social and contribute to their communities. I want nothing more for my kids and I think that is normal, not your narrow characterization of some on DCUM. I, myself, would not want OP as a DIL. It's not that she's a poor, single mom. It's that I have no indication she will pull her weight and/or be a good partner.

[Anonymous]

OP can find a stable and caring partner for herself and her daughter. He just won’t be rich and may have children of his own. I think single parents need to be realistic about their expectations. Personally I would not choose to be with a partner if he had children or was not on the same socio economic level as myself. Most people are like this, it doesn’t make them bad or unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

I’d rather live in my bubble than in those ass backwards societies.

I’m not defending that particular attitude; I’m just saying that it is common and has a logical origin.

People are different and the flip side of those same societies is an intense loyalty to family and making sure that no one is left behind. The same people who you are looking down at think that many of our attitudes are backwards and inhumane too. The idea of “cutting off” offensive family members, or letting a sibling or cousins suffer through hard times without offering all the support you can, would strike these people as cold and backwards.

I’m not saying it’s great to be hostile to single mothers or something (I was raised by a single mother btw), I am saying that automatically calling a society “backwards” because of a single attitude perhaps shows a lack of understanding of our own society’s weaknesses or what other people might consider backwards about us.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

[Anonymous]

College isn’t for everyone, but it means that you aren’t a match for this man and his family. It would not work out long term . Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

Hopefully your son is a better, more open minded, than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

I’d rather live in my bubble than in those ass backwards societies.

I’m not defending that particular attitude; I’m just saying that it is common and has a logical origin.

People are different and the flip side of those same societies is an intense loyalty to family and making sure that no one is left behind. The same people who you are looking down at think that many of our attitudes are backwards and inhumane too. The idea of “cutting off” offensive family members, or letting a sibling or cousins suffer through hard times without offering all the support you can, would strike these people as cold and backwards.

I’m not saying it’s great to be hostile to single mothers or something (I was raised by a single mother btw), I am saying that automatically calling a society “backwards” because of a single attitude perhaps shows a lack of understanding of our own society’s weaknesses or what other people might consider backwards about us.

You guys are so funny criticizing the foreign PP when you agree with the OP's ex-bf's mom. The PP wasn't saying about condemning single moms, just looking down on them...this is a very common attitude in 99% of the world where people don't have three baby daddies. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can’t be traditional when you chose to have a kid out of wedlock.
I would be horrified if my son was dating you.

Hopefully your son is a better, more open minded, than you are.

Would you want your son to marry someone like OP?

OP never came back so she was possibly a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

. You are not a nice person. I bet life in the US will provide you with all that you deserve.

Exactly. Especially the part about “playing grandparent” to a kid you are not related to. How awful! If PP views children and other human beings with such contempt, and this is actually ingrained in her sad culture, then maybe she doesn’t belong here and she should go back to whatever lovely garden spot she hailed from. We don’t need anymore assholes here.

Many societies are hostile to the concept of expending valuable resources on people who are not your “blood” relatives and this is even enshrined in some religious texts and is partly the reason adoption is prohibited in many countries. It is also the origin of the concept of the “evil stepmother.” Blended families are the result of a fairly affluent society where taking care of someone else’s children ultimately does not threaten the survival of your own. I have met a lot of people with pp’s attitude; it’s pretty common. Some of you live in a bit of a bubble.

I’d rather live in my bubble than in those ass backwards societies.

I’m not defending that particular attitude; I’m just saying that it is common and has a logical origin.

People are different and the flip side of those same societies is an intense loyalty to family and making sure that no one is left behind. The same people who you are looking down at think that many of our attitudes are backwards and inhumane too. The idea of “cutting off” offensive family members, or letting a sibling or cousins suffer through hard times without offering all the support you can, would strike these people as cold and backwards.

I’m not saying it’s great to be hostile to single mothers or something (I was raised by a single mother btw), I am saying that automatically calling a society “backwards” because of a single attitude perhaps shows a lack of understanding of our own society’s weaknesses or what other people might consider backwards about us.

You guys are so funny criticizing the foreign PP when you agree with the OP's ex-bf's mom. The PP wasn't saying about condemning single moms, just looking down on them...this is a very common attitude in 99% of the world where people don't have three baby daddies. Get some perspective.

Agree with this too. People in other countries know that having a child on your own doesn't set the kid or the mom up for success. It's not something to be encouraged or to be seen as progressive.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like you just want a man to provide a nice stable life for your daughter. If you are a poor single mom with no bio dad paying support I would judge you too.whar are YOU doing to provide a middle class or stable life for your kid? Doesn’t sound like much. I would be concerned if my son was mixed up this situation too. Move on. He is right, you al aren’t compatible. You have a fixed mind set and no idea how to move up in life. That’s a problem. And get an IUD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op I am so sorry. Your boyfriend obviously doesn't love you. Move on. I do not have a bachelors degree and I am married to a doctor now. My husband is from a culture where women do not typically work. He had zero judgment. I dated other men before my husband and it wasn't a problem. I worked as a preschool teacher for many years and they were fine with my career choice. Now that my husband is finished with residency I can finish my BA. The right guy will support you and help you with your goals.

Did you read that the OP has no goals?

She does have goals. She wants to be a wife and mother. She wants a man interested in being the breadwinner while she is a traditional wife and stays home and cares for the kids. It’s a DCUM sin to want these things without obtaining a PhD first, but it’s a goal and it doesn’t make op the horrible names many of you have chosen to call her. As pp pointed out there are many high salaried men that want this and many of them grew up with highly educated and high powered moms and dads. The things your adult children desire and value in their personal relationships may be vastly different from what you would choose.

The difference is that to land one of these high earning men, it helps to be the same class. I would guess that almost every SaHM on this board has a degree and did have a career at some point. Also didn’t have any kids BEFORE marriage. So the commitment to the family and husband seems greater.