Depressed, and upset ..boyfriend broke up with me and I think his mother was the reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then what have you done the last 24mos?

I’ve been taking care of my kids and my home like I’ve always done. In addition I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces of a broken family. Just recently I’ve been starting to date. But it’s very, very difficult. And reading this thread makes me see mysel (in some ways) through other people’s eyes. Your career defines you. I’m honestly considering starting my own non profit. Problem solved.

(sigh) If you see yourself in OP's post (no aspirations except finding a DH to take care of her and her DC), then you should be sad. But, I'm not seeing the similarities. You've been staying home for 'many years' and your husband left a couple years ago. You must have a sizeable income from somewhere if you didn't have to work. You've also got a college degree. Seems like you're looking for love and not someone to support you - at least from the little you've written. That's very different.

Still, I have to wonder what you'd bring to a relationship unless it's a trust fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

Pearl-clutching....yawn..........

Meh. DP here. I don't think I have it in me to love a child as a grandchild who is not biologically from my kids. Am I capable of being nice and kind to kids? Sure. I do it all the time. Similarly, I am kind and nice to many children, but I love my own kids with my heart and soul. There is a difference.

Besides,[b] every single member of my family for generations married one person and remained married to that person for their entire life. There was no divorce, bastards and premarital sex, though I am sure there was cheating, unhappiness and infertility at times. So if someone in this day and age of various kinds of BC option available had sex and did not protect themselves from getting pregnant, I would think that they are pretty low class.

OP should rephrase this title - boyfriend broke up with me and I think my being a single mom and uneducated were the reasons.

You're nuts if you think every single person in your lineage abstained from premarital sex.

It's ok DP. Americans have no concept of shame. They think it's perfectly fine for a woman to get knocked up and then expect some future boyfriend's parents to automatically fall in love with the child just because its a child when there are hundreds of milkions of children who actually suffer from misguided US foreign policies out there in the world. Some people in this country can be really blind to their own shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

+1. PP’s country must not be so great or she wouldn’t be here.

Well - but don’t come here and stink the place up with your intolerance. [b]If you want to be hateful stay in your own hateful, intolerant country.

LOL! Because America is so warm and loving and tolerant these days.... thanks for the chuckle.

[Anonymous]

Why should she like you if you judged her for being "fake" right away? Do you think she's "fake" for asking you what your plans in life are? That's what anyone would do if their kid was seriously dating someone. It sounds like you are constantly making excuses for your "lack of success."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to DCUM, where gold diggers are heroines, but single moms seeking a stable man to be a father figure for their children are villains. BTW, his mom sounds like a stuck up social climber. As someone who has endured a MIL like that, believe me when I tell you that you dodged a bullet.

DP. Question: why don't 'single moms' use fathers of their children to be fathers to their own off-spring other than seeking another 'stable' men? Is it because they got knocked up by some pathetic losers without giving it a second thought?
Just wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

Pearl-clutching....yawn..........

Meh. DP here. I don't think I have it in me to love a child as a grandchild who is not biologically from my kids. Am I capable of being nice and kind to kids? Sure. I do it all the time. Similarly, I am kind and nice to many children, but I love my own kids with my heart and soul. There is a difference.

Besides,[b] every single member of my family for generations married one person and remained married to that person for their entire life. There was no divorce, bastards and premarital sex, though I am sure there was cheating, unhappiness and infertility at times. So if someone in this day and age of various kinds of BC option available had sex and did not protect themselves from getting pregnant, I would think that they are pretty low class.

OP should rephrase this title - boyfriend broke up with me and I think my being a single mom and uneducated were the reasons.

You're nuts if you think every single person in your lineage abstained from premarital sex.

DP. My parents came from a culture in which people marry relatively young (like 20s) and the expectation is that people will abstain from pre-marital sex and you know what? I think most people actually fulfill that expectation, particularly women. Definitely not all men but a lot. In the past when the genders were pretty much kept separated until marriage I think it wasn't such a "difficult" task, and I think cultural expectation and shame are really powerful in some societies, particularly on women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, welcome to DCUM, where gold diggers are heroines, but single moms seeking a stable man to be a father figure for their children are villains. BTW, his mom sounds like a stuck up social climber. As someone who has endured a MIL like that, believe me when I tell you that you dodged a bullet.

DP. Question: why don't 'single moms' use fathers of their children to be fathers to their own off-spring other than seeking another 'stable' men? Is it because they got knocked up by some pathetic losers without giving it a second thought?
Just wondering.

Now, that's a million dollar question. There is a big difference when a single mom is single because of widowhood or divorce and the ones who are uneducated and are hooking up with losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

Pearl-clutching....yawn..........

Meh. DP here. I don't think I have it in me to love a child as a grandchild who is not biologically from my kids. Am I capable of being nice and kind to kids? Sure. I do it all the time. Similarly, I am kind and nice to many children, but I love my own kids with my heart and soul. There is a difference.

Besides,[b] every single member of my family for generations married one person and remained married to that person for their entire life. There was no divorce, bastards and premarital sex, though I am sure there was cheating, unhappiness and infertility at times. So if someone in this day and age of various kinds of BC option available had sex and did not protect themselves from getting pregnant, I would think that they are pretty low class.

OP should rephrase this title - boyfriend broke up with me and I think my being a single mom and uneducated were the reasons.

You're nuts if you think every single person in your lineage abstained from premarital sex.

DP. My parents came from a culture in which people marry relatively young (like 20s) and the expectation is that people will abstain from pre-marital sex and you know what? I think most people actually fulfill that expectation, particularly women. Definitely not all men but a lot. In the past when the genders were pretty much kept separated until marriage I think it wasn't such a "difficult" task, and I think cultural expectation and shame are really powerful in some societies, particularly on women.

+1

There is a real "achievement gap" in this country. Certain races and certain SES have less unmarried moms and teenage pregnancies. Whereas people in low SES households, low education and certain racial groups are A-ok with having kids out of wedlock. It really makes sense that teh boyfriend broke up with OP. They seemed mismatched in their education, morals, culture and SES.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a powerful woman who is a mom. You do not need a man to complete you or your family. Get an education and make something of your life. You are young now and you can devote the energy for this goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a powerful woman who is a mom. You do not need a man to complete you or your family. Get an education and make something of your life. You are young now and you can devote the energy for this goal.

Actually the OP never gave any details about her age.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure OP is a troll. But I wanted to point out that if BF’s mom is truly a self made woman as described then she’s probably doubly sensitive to a young woman who has the responsibilities of a parent but who doesn’t seem to have any aspirations beyond her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. [b]No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

The PP is correct. This is true of many, many cultures.

Agree.
They also do t view the wife in such great esteem, since she is never their blood, only son and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. [b]No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

The PP is correct. This is true of many, many cultures.

Agree.
They also do t view the wife in such great esteem, since she is never their blood, only son and grandkids.

Judging by the wife dominated rants on DCUM, the US doesn't value wives either because it's women work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my regrets about moving to the US is the fear that one of my children would end up marrying a single parent. You didn't mention OP if your XBF's family is non-white? In no other country would people be completely okay with a single, successful man marrying a woman who already has a child by another man. It's not so bad if the genders were reversed but single moms are really looked down upon by mainstream society, especially when they are unmarried. [/b]I also would not be okay playing grandparent to a child who isn't from any of my own children. [b]No offense but I think the American trend of blended families is too idealistic.

Holy crap!! What awful country do you come from with these views?
You couldn’t love a grandchild unless he was your own blood? A child?
I would politely request that you please return to your country.

The PP is correct. This is true of many, many cultures.

Agree.
They also do t view the wife in such great esteem, since she is never their blood, only son and grandkids.

This is true for the husband as well. It comes in handy when there’s generational wealth transfers as each spouse understands that family money is only for well blood related family. I’m entitled to what my family gives me and he’s entitled to what his family gives him. In some ways I think it’s superior especially if there aren’t children involved.

[Anonymous]

I hope the OP doesn't have more children. This country is in decline as it is.